Better Kept Secret

chapter 10

It's Tuesday after the long weekend and I'm sitting alone in Math. I'm so bored and there's the pep rally later which will probably be even more boring than sitting here. It's exciting if you like sports though, but I couldn't care less. Surprisingly, hanging out with Mark never really crossed my mind after the party, I had too much else to worry about. Now that I'm at school, I'm worried he's going to come up to me. Or worse, he'll come up to me and blab about soccer more. The bell sounds, interrupting my thoughts. I rush out of class as quickly as I can but my eyes are wide open looking for signs of Ben or Mark.

I just don't want to bump into either one of them today because too much is weighing on my mind about them. I walk along the blueish-grey lockers, to the outside bench where I meet with Rachel and Claire most of the time. Phew, no sign of Mark or Ben.

The girls aren't here yet so I sit down without them. It's almost as hot as the day I had to borrow a shirt from Ben. I would love to go for a swim right now. Imagine how nice it would be to dunk in water, the coldness enveloping you while the sun shines. It would be so nice if I could sit with my toes in the sand, feel the sun rays on my skin. I should go to the beach soon.

"Hiya," Rachel says while walking up to me. Her hair is tied up into a ponytail with a bow today, so Rachel and so cute.

"I love your hair."

"Thanks! You're such a sweetheart," she says gleefully.

"You know what I was thinking? I was thinking we should go to the beach soon. The weathers perfect," I say while looking up at the sky.

"You're so right! We could make it a whole day trip. Oh em gee!" She claps her hands together. "How fun! I'm going to text Claire to see when she can come."

"Hey, where's Claire today?"

"She's with Alex." Rachel's mood shifts a bit as the topic changes.

"What's the matter?" I ask, not able to hold my tongue. When I sense somethings going on with Rachel, I get a little protective.

"Nothing." I give her a look. "Okay, so there is something going on but it's not really a big deal. It's just that Claire has been ditching me a lot to hang out with Alex. Even when we have plans after school." She looks away. "We've always been best friends, done everything together. It's just... weird."

"I can't lie to you Rachel, I think it's weird too. I haven't wanted to say anything but ever since she got with him she's been acting different."

"I miss her," she whispers. I feel awful.

"Me too. But didn't you have fun with her on Friday?"

"Ya, I had a great time. But she still hung out with him for most of the night. I get that they're in 'love' or whatever but he never leaves her side," she says while putting air quotes around 'love'.

"Maybe a beach day is exactly what we need. To... reconnect!" Rachel smiles at me and I hope I really have cheered her up. She attacks me with a hug.

"I hope you're right. Now come with me. We have to help set up some things for the pep rally," she informs me. Please no.

"Since when?" I ask as we start walking.

"Since I told David I would."

"You really do have a big crush on him, don't you?"

She giggles. "It's massive. What about you? Did you like hanging with Mark?" I explain to her how he wouldn't let me get a word in the conversation and that I just don't think it would work. She keeps asking if there's someone else I like and I don't know if I should tell her about Ben. I feel like I really need to get it off chest but I also don't want anyone to know.

We continue our stroll into the school, heading towards the gymnasium. Right before we can walk into the gym though, I feel a hand on my shoulder, making me jump.

"Jesus!" I shout and turn to see Mark behind me. This is exactly what I didn't want. "Oh hey Mark," I say awkwardly. Rachel's eyes are set on David who is in the gym setting up. She skips away towards him. Seriously? I have to do this alone?

"Hey. I've been looking for you all day." Oh no.

"Oh. I-um.."I trail off, not knowing what to say.

"So the soccer game is tonight and I know that you're watching, so why don't you come to the after party with me?" He says while keeping his hand on my shoulder.

"After party? It's a Tuesday." He laughs but I'm completely serious.

"We always have a party after a big game. If we win, we can celebrate with drinks and if we lose we can drink to be less upset."

"I'm not sure I can go. I don't think my mom would let me." I really don't want to go, especially with him. I don't want to lead him on.

His hand moves to my wrist and he squeezes tightly. Ouch.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"I'm sure. But I'll tell you if plans change." He drops my wrist and I grab onto it wincing a bit. Why is his grip so hard?

I find Rachel in the gym and together we hang signs throughout it. We also help set up a red mat for sports players and teachers to walk on. For someone who could care less about pep rallies, I've spent a lot of time helping. Sometimes I watch Rachel interact with David out of the corner of my eye and they look so cute. He looks at her like she's the most important thing on earth. His eyes keep making their way down to her lips and I can't help but feel a bit of jealousy. I wish so much that Ben would look at me that way. The way a boyfriend looks at his girlfriend to let her know being beside her is the most important thing to him.

We spend the whole break inside the gym. I try to ignore my friend flirting but I can't help but watch in amusement as the two awkwardly interact in a way only someone who has a crush on you does. As soon as the bell rings, Rachel hurries me to sit in the bleachers and abandons David with a pout. As everyone starts filing into the gym, I see Mark again. He gives me a wink and whispers to his friend beside him. I have a weird feeling, but I'm not sure why. He's not done anything wrong but his arrogant personality has made me warry. Maybe it's too soon to judge him though.