I've made it off school property and tears finally slide down my face.
A car pulls up beside me, reminding me of the time Mark drove me home. When I look to the side, I see the sleek black of Ben's car. It's not Mark, I reassure myself.
"Elowyn! Please get in the car. It's going to get dark soon. You shouldn't walk home alone." I look up at the grey clouds in the sky and I realize it's probably going to start raining soon. I would love to continue running away from him but is there really a point? I've faced Mark, why can't I face Ben?
I wipe away the wetness from my face and get into the car, even though I don't want to.
"Hi Piglet," I say quietly while buckling in. He gives me a somber smile.
"Hello Winnie," Ben says just as softly as me. He pulls into the closest parking lot and stops the car. I blow up my cheeks and breathe out, feeling his stare on me intently, the same way as when he drove me home after working on pep rally posters. "I'm glad you said something to Mark. I don't know why you ran."
"Because it's embarrassing. Everyone's not supposed to know about w-what happened." My finger shake in my lap at the thought of what happened. I still remember being pushed up against the rough bark of the tree, hands grabbing at my body, a wet mouth on me like it happened a minute ago. These past couple nights, when I close my eyes before bed, I see the scary glint that had been in Marks eyes as he touched me, and falling asleep is even harder than usual.
"You don't have to be embarrassed. Don't think like that. He's the one who should be embarrassed."
"I know but I can't help it." I flex my hands to stop the tremors but they still quiver gently. Ben looks down at my shaking fingers in my lap.
"I wish you saw yourself the way I do. The way everyone does."
I laugh ruefully. "And what way is that?"
"Oh Winnie," he sighs. "You're my favourite person, and there's a reason for that. You're hilarious, you're nice to everyone. Look at the way you treated Gloria. And your tough. I mean, you just handed Mark his ass."
"Stop Ben." It's overwhelming to hear things about yourself, even if they're nice. The scratchy fabric of my shirt and the way my jeans are digging into my stomach make me squirm.
"I'm being serious. I'm not trying to be cheesy either, just tellin' you the truth." The way he looks at me is so sincere, so full of care, that it makes me fall in love with him more, but it also makes me feel guilty. He's just trying to help. He's also just trying to help and protect me.
"You're my favourite person too, for the record," I whisper, and I mean it, I really do.
"That's good." We settle into silence and light rain begins outside of the car. The pitter patter of the thick drops hitting the car are like white noise.
The niggling anxiety and insecurity in the back of my head tells me that everything he said isn't true. It's hard to believe that someone could care about me that much, and I'm not just saying that in a 'feel sorry for me' type of way. It's simply true. My own mother doesn't have time for me. I know it's not her fault, I understand that better than anyone, but in the back of my mind it still feels like I'm not enough for her to care. That I hadn't been strong enough to save her, or worthy of her care for three long years.
I suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to wrap myself in Ben's arms and because he knows the way I feel about him, there's nothing stopping me. I unbuckle and crawl over the arm rest to his seat, where I rest my head on his chest and he understands what I want. His arms hold me tightly to him while my hands are clasped under my head as a pillow.
"Why did this turn into such a cheese fest?" I say and Ben's chest reverberates with laughter. The deep sound echoes in my head and warms me, because it's so familiar. That laugh has been constant practically my whole life but I'll still never get sick of it. I'll always welcome the deep rumbling sound of his happiness.
My mother's depression is not something I would like to discuss with Ben now or ever, but I want to share with someone my happiness that we're going out. If I put it under the guise that she's been busy with work, maybe it'll make sense to why I'm so happy we can finally hang out.
"My mom and I are going out tomorrow for dinner. We haven't been able to do that in forever," I say against his chest, and the words flow freely out of my mouth even though I've never wanted to talk about my mother before today.
"Ya? That's nice." He pauses. "Why haven't you been able to go out?"
"Oh, you know, she's always busy with work. Practically all she does is work." Lies fall freely from my lips, too. He hums in agreement. "So I'm excited," I add while playing with a button on his shirt. It keeps me distracted from the fact that I'm lying to him, which never feels good.
We may be together for a bit, our breaths and bodies tangling together.
"You deserve a treat after today," Ben says, disrupting the calm silence. I can't help the stutter in my heart, not sure what he means by treat.
"I do?"
"Yes. Anything you want." My immediate reaction, which causes a blush to make its way up my neck, is to ask him to kiss me. I've thought of something better though, more special. Something that's been I've been thinking about for a while.
"I want to go get slushies." His face tangles into a look of surprise. The look fades only a moment later though, when his amazing smile takes over his face.
"I would love to Winnie." So I crawl back to my seat and watch him start up the car, heading to the nearest 7-11. Ben and I haven't gotten slushies together since we were thirteen. Before my dad died.
My dad used to take us to get slushies everytime Ben slept over. It was our little tradition, and I loved it so much. It hurt so bad to go get slushies without him, so we never did. The tradition faded into the back of my mind, a bittersweet memory of the past. But I think I'm ready now.
✦ ─ ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ ─ ✦
Authors note
Sorry about the cutoff. The slushie scene will be continued into the next chapter.
IMPORTANT⚠️⚠️to anybody who's been reading as I update thank u!!!, I appreciate the support so much. i've been doing a lot of editing recently so i've added that she calls him piglet as a nickname. as in piglet cuz shes winnie like Winnie the pooh😉😉😉 if you want to read the introduction to this nickname it's in the very first chapter
Don't forget to comment and vote🩷🩷💞
YOU ARE READING
Better Kept Secret
RomanceElowyn "Winnie" Smith met Ben when she was 4 years old. They've been best friends since they were 6. After her dad died when she was 13, he was the only person she wanted to talk to. He should know everything about her, shouldn't he? But he doesn'...
