Better Kept Secret

chapter 25

I woke up today to my mom in the kitchen. At first, I thought I was dreaming, so I rubbed my eyes and blinked, but when I opened them she was still there. And then I remembered everything from the night before and warmth filled my chest and a smile spread on my face.

Now I'm sitting in the cafeteria with Rachel, Claire, and Alex. I drum my fingers on the table and look around, catching many pairs of eyes watching me. When I went to bed last night I had time to think about the whole Mark thing. I've reassured myself it's not the worst gossip in the world. It could be much more awful and it'll blow over soon. Even so, it feels like everyone from my grade is taking a glance at me, pausing to whisper and giggle a bit, but it can't be true. It's not like I was having an affair with a teacher or something people! It's really not that big of a deal. My never relenting social anxiety is not letting my mind rest though.

I haven't seen Ben yet today. I wonder if he's heard the rumors.

"What about you Elowyn?" Claire says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What about me?" I respond because I have no idea what she's taking about. She rolls her eyes, laughing lightly at my obliviousness.

"Are you going to come to the mall with us tomorrow?"

"I can't. My mom and I have plans." I can't stop my smile because I have not uttered those words in years. Hell, my mom hasn't even left the house in years. Claire nods her head while looking at Alex to see if he'll come. When he says he doesn't know if he can, she looks at him with a pout and he finally caves. To thank him she gives him a kiss, and I wonder if soon Ben and I will be like this. Will we kiss out in the open for everyone to see? I guess I won't know until I ask him.

✦ ─ ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ ─ ✦

Ben texted me to meet him after his soccer practice, so after school I just hang out on a picnic bench waiting for him, considering I don't have my license or a ride anywhere. I should probably get my license. Most everyone else has it, but it's kind of hard to practice when I have no car. I guess I could ask Ben to borrow his. He could teach me. The thought makes me feel giddy. I close my eyes and picture him guiding me through how to drive and for some reason I find it extremely attractive.

I look down at my phone to see that his practice has ended and hop off the bench so I can walk to our meeting spot. As I slowly make my way there I feel a presence behind me. And then I hear a male voice call out my name.

"Mark," I say while swallowing because suddenly my throat feels dry. He's holding his soccer bag on his shoulder and a water bottle in the other hand. His hair is damp from sweat and so is his shirt. I don't know why I even bothered acknowledging him but I definitely don't want to stay around to chat, so I turn on my heel and speed walk away.

"Why are you running?" He says in a mock sweet voice which makes my stomach tighten. Why do you think I'm running away dipshit? I think to myself but the snarl I see on his face once he's caught up with me makes me realize I said it out loud.

"There's no need to be so fucking hostile," he spits out like he's not the one who spread a rumor so his precious reputation wouldn't be ruined. My nostrils flare and my hands shake in both fear and anger. I would like to say that I'm not afraid of him. That he hasn't gotten the best of me, but, as we've established, I'm a nervous girl. And in this situation I have every right to be nervous. If I hadn't have managed to push him off that day on the beach, he probably would have done the unimaginable.

"Leave me alone Mark," I say but there's a wobble in my voice. He smirks.

"I wanted to let you know that I can make the rumors stop, if that's what you want," Mark says while looking down at me. I wish he didn't have power over me in that way. I wish that I could be the one looking down at him and that he could be scared of my strength, not the other way around. I try to take in his words without giving away too much emotion on my face but I really can't believe what he's saying. I continue to walk as fast as I can towards the soccer field where a couple of Ben's teammates, cheerleaders, and people who were watching the practice are milling around. He can't do anything if we're in a crowd.

"What do you mean by that," I grind out while looking forwards sharply, refusing to meet his eyes.

"I mean that I could tell everyone that there was no begging, make up a different rumor so they forget about you."

"Why would you do that?"

"Well, I wouldn't do it for free," he says sickeningly. We're almost at the field, only a few paces away. "I just want one favor," he pauses and I hold my breath.

"Kiss me." His words feel like a punch to the gut because I know what he's doing. He just wants to hurt me more. He wants to twist the knife that he's already stabbed me with, make my wound bleed even more.

"S-stop," I stutter out and it makes me feel weak. I clamp my lips shut to stop the begging I was going to do. I'm aware that he likes that I'm weak, and suddenly something in me snaps. I can't let him have this satisfaction anymore. Abruptly, I stop and turn towards him, finally meeting his eyes.

I take a deep breath, gathering all the courage I have. "I don't give a shit what you tell people. I don't care about these stupid rumors because guess what, we're not in fucking middle school. I don't give a shit if the whole school is saying I'm a slut because if they're dumb enough to believe you, then their opinions don't matter." I throw my hands in the air feeling my rage build even more. Mark doesn't look angry though. He looks like he's amused that he's finally got a reaction out me. I can see the smile tugging at his lips and my anger just grows even more. How can he stand there on the verge of laughter after everything he's done?

"And guess what Mark?" I continue. "The next time someone asks me what happened, I won't tell them it's none of their business. I'll tell them the truth, that you're an insecure little boy who can't take no for an answer. That none of this would have happened if you stopped when I said stop." Mark's smirk drops and I see fear in his eyes but I don't feel bad. He's the one who started this game. "I have nothing to hide because another thing I don't give a shit about is you and your reputation." I'm breathing hard now and I chew on my lip. I feel tears collecting and I'm begging them not to fall.

"You're a fucking bitch," he says lowly so no one can hear. Where we are hits me now. We're standing right at the field in a crowd of people.

It seems like there's an endless sea of faces staring at me in bewilderment. It seems too quiet too, the only thing I can hear is the ringing in my head.

The ringing intensifies and so does the shake in my body when my eyes catch on a mess of familiar brown hair. Standing there eyes wide is Ben, and he's seen the whole thing.

So I do the only thing I can think of.

I run.