Anonymous Admirer (BL)

24

RICHARD VAN HYDEN

Malapit nang lumubog ang araw. Nakahinto lang ang sasakyan ko sa harapan ng apartment kung saan namamalagi si Frederic.

I've been here for an hour. But, I'm still contemplating kung tutuloy ba ako o hindi.

This will be awkward! Ni hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko.

Gusto kong sabunutan ang sarili, I feel frustrated. Ang hirap! I wasn't a coward before, but why now?

Tsk.

Bahala na, sayang din ang gasolinang nagamit sa sasakyan ko sa pagpunta dito kung hindi ko itutuloy ang sadya ko.

Lumabas na ako sa sasakayan, at parang ang bigat ng bawat paghakbang ko papasok sa entrance ng apartment.

I took the elevator at umakyat sa 9th floor, at hinanap ang Room 202.

Tinipon ko ang buong tapang ko at kumatok sa pinto niya ng tatlong beses. I waited but no one answered me.

Muli akong kumatok ulit, mas malakas kesa sa nauna ko.

The door burst open.

Frederic was standing there in front of me, magkasalubong ang mga kilay at naniningkit ang kanyang mga mata. His face shows annoyance.

Pero nang mapagtanto niya ako, his face became gentle.

“Rich? Bakit ka nandito?” tanong niya.

“Everyone's worried about you, bakit hindi ka na pumapasok?” I answered with another question.

“Really? How about you, are you worried about me?”

Hindi ako makapagsalita. I don't know how to respond. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, para akong kinakabahan na ewan.

“Does it matter?”

It was late when I realized I blurted stupid words.

Kaya muling sumalubong ang kanyang kilay.

“Okay, I get it. They're worried about me kaya pinilit ka nilang makita ang lagay ko dito. Then thanks for your effort, but you can tell them I'm fine. Good bye!”

Isasara niya na sana ang pinto pero mabilis kong hinarang ang sapatos ko sa pintuan.

“Teka lang. That's not what I mean.”

Tinulak ko pabukas ang pinto at pinilit ang sarili kong makapasok.

“Frederic, listen— Huh?”

Nagulat ako sa nakita ko sa loob. Makalat ang mga gamit, at ang daming mga basura. Frederic is the type of a person who values cleanliness...

Ah, I'm guessing bukod sa pagsira sa perfect attendance niya sa school ay nawala na rin ang ugali niyang panatilihin ang kalinisan.

Is he on his rebel stage?

“What? Are you more worried about how I take care of this place?”

What the hell!? Him overthinking things is making me lose my patience.

“Oo na aaminin ko na! I am worried about you. Everyday I'm distracted, and I always feel lonely without your presence. Now tell me what's wrong with you at hindi ka na pumapasok?”

Binalot ng katahimikan ang buong sulok ng silid. Ano, magtitigan nalang ba kami dito? Parang wala siyang balak na sagutin ang tanong ko—

“Rich... you are so cruel.” His voice was trembling.

“Tanggap ko pa kung sinabi mong kalimutan ko na ang nararamdaman ko sayo at bumalik tayo bilang magkaibigan lang tulad nung paano tayo noon.”

Tears began to build up on his eyes.

“I can do that! Pipilitin ko ang sarili ko! But you want to end our friendship without thinking of another solution? How cruel of you, you didn't even considerate my feelings!”

Tears fell down on his cheeks, and I felt the urge of wiping it away.

Probably because I feel bad because I'm the cause of it.

But instead, I became a coward who only watched him cry.

“I'm sorry.”  I looked down because I couldn't look at him. The guilt is making my heart heavy.

There's only one solution I could think of to make this guilt go away and to reconcile with him.

“Hindi pa ako nakapag-isip ng maayos noon. Give me a chance to answer your question again,” sambit ko.

“Date me for three months.”

“Huh?” He looked at me confused with his eyes burning red, and wet cheeks.  

“Pagbibigyan kita ng tatlong buwan, Fred. If you successfully capture my heart, let's continue this. If not, let's remain as friends,” I suggested.

Also, in three months matatapos na ang school year namin. If it won't work out, pwede naman akong lumipat ng paaralan, or for the better, sa ibang ciudad malayo dito sa Ataraxia.

“Deal!”