Arranged To be Malik

Chapter 42

" I remember the day you told me you were leaving,
I remember the makeup running down your face,
And the dreams you left beside you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made,
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia,
And forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you,
And the memories I never can escape,
'Cause I'm not fine at all" Five seconds of Summer- Amnesia..

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Zayn's POV:

I feel cold, the house is so fu.cking dead, there is no life in it as Rawan isn't home. It's like my heart isn't in its place because Rawan isn't with me right now, in my arms, singing to her or kissing her beautiful soft lips. I really want to make it all better, I want to apologize, I will do everything in my power to make her forgive me, but it's been a whole fu.cking week already since she left me, and she even doesn't want to see me to explain anything to her. That's my punishment, I know it, but I can't hold it anymore. I miss her, my Rawan.

Everyday, I try to call her, but she ignores me or makes Harry reply to say she didn't want to talk to me, which makes me in tears. I have never cried over anyone before, I am always like I don't care type, even when the bitch, Perrie, left me, I haven't let one tear slip on my cheeks. But I am talking about Rawan, my one and only, the one who changed me for the better, who made me quit smoking, who made me feel alive and made me love my family more, she did a lot to me, and I repay her every time by hurting her and cheating on her. I am selfish so much to think about myself only. 

If she just lets me to talk to her one time, I swear on my ,life that I will do everything to make her mine again. Why is it so hard to make her believe that I am in love with her? I know I am the worst husband ever, but I want to change myself for her.

It's been like a whole week since she left me, and I can't keep on living like that, I am tired, I can't close my eyes without knowing that she isn't beside me, warming me up and putting her head on the top of my bare chest to sleep nicely. She is my everything and no one can change it. Every day, I make sure that she is in deep sleep in Harry's house to go and see her. I climb the stairs that are outside the house, and make my way inside his house and go inside her room by its window. It's my routine, I believe.

I am only doing that because I love her, I want to make sure that she is okay and fine, I make sure every time that she doesn't shed one more tear over me, but I have known better, I know she still cries over me, I count every tear she sheds, which makes me feel worse, way worse than I will have ever been. It's my sin, and I know that I have to make my sin be forgiven, by God and Rawan.

Everyday when I visit her while she is in a deep sleep, I let my fingertips dance slowly and gently on her cheeks, wanting to feel her soft skin, thinking it's better than nothing, and before I leave, I make sure to leave a small kiss on any part of her small body, her cheeks, her forehead, or even her pink soft lips that can drive me insane. I miss her, I miss the feeling that she can give it to me easily, I miss touching her, I miss making her feel good, I miss being with her, I would pay half of my life to make her forgive me, I don't care how much it will make my look be horrible to the others, but the only thing that I care about the most is her, being with her.

Before I go to sleep, I cry, wanting to feel the same feeling that she feels about me while crying, I even cry during sleeping, which makes Adam wake up sometimes to wake me up and brushing my tears away softly with his small hands, he does the same to me like Rawan, which makes me feel worse about hurting her.