Arranged To be Malik

chapter 18

Rawan's POV:

I can't believe Zayn feels all of that about me,I though we are like friends or something but I guess not any more.

I know he is not over Perrie and he will never get over her any time soon,he loves her so much to let his love for her go or fade away,I couldn't believe him or my eyes when he slapped me hard on my cheek.

I swear I would fall down on my back,if he didn't hold or catch me,and when he satred at my sad eyes,his own changed completely from dark,scaring eyes to that nice, soft and beautiful ones.

when he said that I was annoying like my father said to him,I can't believe it at all,and I can't hold the truth in my heart any longer so I told him everything,I told him that he isn't my father,and to be honest I don't regret a bit telling him at all,I told him everything about my step-father and my mother,I don't feel a weight on my chest any more ,I mean he is my husband after all,and he should know everything about his wife.

now,I am running from my house,I ran and ran and ran not knowing where my legs will reach,I just feel like running nothing more,I want to run away from my own problems,I want to run away from my own life,I wish any car could hit me now,to run away from this cruel world.

I ran until my legs reached to a large park,thank God no one is here,I want to be alone for sometimes,I want to be able to think after this "slap",I sat down a tree and put my head against it,I started to think over and over again about what happened,I didn't realized it,but I started crying and sobbing loudly, Gosh my tears today are a lot,I wish I could have a normal life,a normal husband,a normal mum,a normal house,I wish it will happen soon.

I looked at my left side finding a peice of glass,I picked it up and stared at it for a while,maybe I should cut myself,maybe I should end my life,I should die to make the other people happy,while picking it up,my hand can't stop shaking,I am afraid,scared,it's my first time to think about cutting,I mean my life can't become any worse than that.

I put the glass on my hand,then I cut myself slowly,I want to feel the pain and pleasure that people were talking about,I slide the glass down my arms again but only this time harder which make me scream out from my pain.

God it hurts,A LOT.

after this cut,I throw away the glass,I can't do that any more,I cried and cried feeling sorry for myself,I watched the blood in my arms and can't help myself but screaming from my anger,to be honest I regret doing that,I regret thinking about the cutting,I regret picking up the glass,I regret cutting myself,I regret going out at this time,I regret doing that to Zayn,I regret marrying him,I know I didn't have to cut myself,my God will be so angry at me.

my phone is ringing cutting my thoughts,I looked at the screen and guess who is calling me?

yes,Zayn,you are right.

but I don't want to talk to him,my voice will be in much pain because of the cuts and what he did to me,I let it rang with himself,I don't want to deal with him again,I watched my arms in sadness,after some time I began to feel light in my head,I feel dizzy,I can't see anything clearly,I closed my eyes for sometime,when I feel my phone is ringing again and again but I ignored it.

by the time I calmed myself down,and my arms stopped bleeding but the blood is still there,I sat up and started walking towards my house,I checked the time and saw it's 2 A.M already,Zayn will kill me because I am late.

I reached to my house,then opened the door,my eyes widened at the sight,the whole house is upside down,I don't know what happened,while I was out,it seems there was an earthquake,I searched for Zayn in the kitchen,living room and still nothing,I became very worried about him,he is my husband after all,I should be worried and care about him.