Brighter Than My Porch Light

I'm Sorry, I'm Late... Again

"I'm sorry. I'm late," Seulgi tries to explain she got stuck in a traffic jam, and we both know it's untrue. She just moves so slowly.

I'm famished. The restaurant smells like a freshly baked almond croissant filled with brie cheese, bringing back poignant memories from childhood.

But Seulgi's perfume is my favorite scent in the room right now.

"Oh, someone smells like a boss, what's your perfume?" I said, pleased, both hands under my chin like a kid.

"Ha... ha..." she faked laughter, rolling her eyes. "This is not your gift; it's just my sweat," smug on her face, teasing me.

"Oh, you sweat? Women don't sweat, we glisten," I say, pretending to be appalled.

I could be goofy around her, show my dork side, and she wouldn't judge me. We've been partners in crime for 10 years now; she makes my tough days easier and good days funnier.

Seulgi noticed the dark circles under my eyes. "Are we in a who-got-the-darkest-eyebags battle?" Her eyes squinted as she asked, "Work or Jennie?"

She crossed her legs and arms, paying attention to my answer.

"Both? Everything is taking a toll on me. Choking work schedule. My girlfriend is having ambivalent feelings about us now," I shrugged and sighed, sinking into this soft chair.

"Our chats are getting shorter. Our gap is getting wider. She works in the same industry, but it feels like a long-distance relationship. Our differences are adding up. And all I can do is stare blankly at my relationship slowly crumbling," I said, my heart hitched as I looked down at our empty table.

I'm holding back my tears with all my might.

Seulgi is quiet, listening intently.

"It's like I want to settle down with her, but she's still searching for her place in this world. I've already figured out what I want, but she needs space to explore life, and I don't want to hold her back." My words started to jumble, and Seulgi calmed me down by putting her hand on mine.

Holding back tears makes me feel like there's a rock blocking my throat. I cannot fathom the depth of this pain.

Restaurant servers across the room take glances at my tomato-red face and teary eyes.

I gulp water to calm my nerves; my body wants to bawl out my pain, right then and there.

"Let's order food first, yeah? You need to eat first," Seulgi squeezed my hand, giving me the feeling of assurance that everything will be alright.

An hour passes by.

"Thank you for being here. You're always there to listen. Thank you for everything, Seulgi," I said in a low tone.

I might get teary again, so I tapped her thigh and bowed my head.

She put down her utensils, her troubled eyes staring at me.

"You're welcome, but you saying this kind of makes me nervous."

She clapped her hands like she had a brilliant idea.

"Let's have a sleepover! My pad, this weekend, you, and me. Our exhausting schedules forbid us from going on vacation. So, let's bring the vacation to us!" She quickly added, clasping her hands steadily on the table.

"We can play games and watch a movie just like the old times. I bought a new oven! We can bake and roast chickens... I also have cool bath bombs; we can pamper our bodies. Avocado oil for our hair to restore its shine. And! And! We can meditate and do yoga just like before, yeah?" She's more excited than Hermione going to Hogwarts.

Having her arms wide open, palms facing up in the air, that gesture portrays we are in this exciting bonding together.

I like sleepovers with Seulgi. We used to have game nights. We would delve into secrets we had. We did silly challenges, like who can roll a coin off their forehead into a cup on the ground, or who is faster to stack cups into a pyramid and then unstack them again.

"Okay! I'm in!" I said, trying to match Seulgi's energy.