Brighter Than My Porch Light

The Hope Beneath My Porch

For a week, I have contemplated, and I'm sure that I love Seulgi. I'm sure of it. Especially at the movie premiere, my soul soared at the sight of her, and my face felt warm when she smiled back at me. I knew then, I was head over heels for her.

Today, I woke up and felt ready. 'This is it, this is the day,' I whispered, staring at my ceiling. I want to date Seulgi. I want this to be official and certified. I woke up excited about what this day might offer me. I feel renewed.

When I saw her coming down the street, I couldn't stop grinning, which is rare for me. She came over, squared my shoulders, picked my head up, and said I was the strongest and most persevering person she had ever met. She said I can't let what's going on affect me because I'm better than that and I will get through it.

She never felt another person's presence pierce me as hard as she did in my down moments. She'll make sure she's there for me in case I decide I can't stand it; she'll prove I can.

My barometer for when I'm ready to date includes everything I'm feeling now: genuinely good about who I am, no desperation or frustration, just an internal place of abundance.

I decided to write a love letter for Seulgi, old-school style, declaring my love and intentions of dating her through romantic efforts—the classic and traditional way.

I hurriedly went to the shop to buy her favorite blueberry sourdough muffins. 'How much is enough? Okay, 3 boxes. Hmm, 36 pieces? Okay, this should be enough.'

I rushed home to compose my letter, writing it slowly, elegantly, and beautifully.

'I love knowing that no matter how terrible my day is, it won't matter because I'm in love with someone who will give me hugs and kisses if I feel blue.

I love being sure that when all these initial excitements have passed, I still want to be with you.

I want to collapse into my bed and find you lying next to me. I want to drive out of this town and have you sitting beside me.

If you're reading this and believe me and want to make it official, meet me tonight at Queen's Coffee Shop on 5th Avenue. I'll be there at 8 pm.

I wasn't entirely sure before, but I am now. I want to move forward with you, exclusively.

I love you.'

I sealed the envelope and wrote 'Seulgi' in cursive artistic calligraphy.

I packed them perfectly in a massive paper bag.

Seulgi's shoot location is far from my place, so I decided to buy a snack and drinks first. I went to the new stand-alone vegan shop around the block.

And I saw Wendy's car.

I couldn't see the plate number, as I parked in a different lane. I had an inkling I might see her inside.

When I went into the shop, there she was... Wendy. She was standing in the takeout area, waiting for her order. Her face lit up, and she waved at me with her smiling eyes, as if we hadn't broken each other's hearts months ago.

She approached me in her bubbly manner, her face beaming.

"I want you to meet her," she said flamboyantly.

I'm a bit baffled. Before I can ask who or what she's up to, she delicately grabs my arm and drags me to the corner. A tall and pretty woman turns around, and Wendy mouths to her, "Irene. Irene," while pointing at me.

Wendy turns to me and says, "Irene, this is Joy. We got back together. Hmm, she begged and chased," Wendy whispers jokingly.

Joy throws a friendly punch on Wendy's shoulder. "No, I did not. I couldn't do that—you blocked me after sending a lengthy and dramatic message," she laughs, hitting back at Wendy.

My confidence just walked out the door. She's tall with good body curves and an attractive face; she looks like a supermodel Barbie. Thankful for my high-heeled boots, I can talk to her.

"Hi, a pleasure to meet you! Wendy talks highly about you!"

"Oh, that's a relief haha," I laughed nervously.

Wendy had to go back to the counter to wait for their food.

"Hey... I want to say thank you for saving Wendy."

Joy's face became serious.

"She was in a bad state after our breakup. I heard she was extremely depressed. I tried to reach out, but she blocked me," Joy genuinely explains, as I listen to her attentively.

"And then you came along..." She points at me with her palm. She smiles with her eyes, and it's so cute.

"It hurt like hell seeing her happy with someone else, but seeing her thrive in life again, it's... it's everything to me." She looks at Wendy from afar.

"I guess we kind of saved each other. Everyone says we're each other's rebound, so haha," I shrugged.

"Well, rebound or not, love is love," she quipped, waving her palm.

She's exceptionally mature. I realized Wendy is extremely lucky to have her again. If I find out Wendy idiotically hurts Joy, I will drive to wherever she is and scold her big time.

"I bought your magazine. You looked magnificent!" she continued.

Oh no, that's embarrassing. She read the Q&A part where a high school kid talked about her crush.

"Thank you, haha. It was a full-day shoot," I replied.

"Seulgi is like an incredible life coach," she said, holding her sly smile.

"Wendy told me about you and Seulgi. Haha, I think Seulgi is sweet," she continued, finally releasing her cute grin.

I tried to look away to hide my blushing face. We laughed together, and I said, "Yeah, yeah, she is. She's sweet. She's the type of person who sews her damaged jacket for the third time instead of buying a new one because I gave it to her."

Wendy came back with their to-go food, smiling from ear to ear at us. Joy grabbed some of the food paper bags to help Wendy.

"I told her about the magazine... and Seulgi... you know," Joy said, giving Wendy a quick recap.

"Oh, haha, expressing happiness and affection towards each other through a movie and a published magazine," Wendy says proudly, announcing it to the world.

She struggles to carry their to-go bags.

We're all standing in a circle, laughing. They hinted that I should grab the opportunity with Seulgi and hop on the rollercoaster ride while there's a chance.

"Well, I avoid dating when I feel too lonely or vulnerable. The last time this happened... I hurt someone," I said, referring to me and Wendy. I pressed my lips together, giving a flat smile.

"Oh, it takes two to tango. It's like this: you love Seulgi, and I love Joy. But you and I... we also loved each other, but it's a different kind of love," Wendy confidently explains. Joy nods and agrees beside her. It's like I'm being educated by my parents.

I'm giving them a hint that I want to date Seulgi, and that I'm on the road to doing so.

We're having a long-winded conversation. My series and the award night came up.

"I was rooting for you. I was jealous you were dating the love of my life, haha, but I was extremely rooting for you. You deserved that award," Joy shared, laughing. She said it so casually. I admire her maturity and contentment.

Wendy checks her watch, reminding Joy that they have to go. I also need to drop by Seulgi's work soon. Joy gives me a tight cheek-to-cheek hug, and I feel comfortable right away.

As they walked off, I heard their subtle debate a few steps away.

"See? I told you she's in love with Seulgi..."

"Hey, I believed you the first time you told me..."

They fit together.