Brighter Than My Porch Light

Whispers of the Universe

A 1-year contract for a drama series, with a heartbreaking plot. This could be the epitome of my love life with Jennie.

I sit comfortably in an ergonomic chair inside our table reading room, waiting for other artists to arrive. My mind starts to fly away, overwhelmed by 100 things that are all important, looking out the window.

"Fear of failure but no urge to be productive. I want to be alone but don't want to be lonely," Yeri, my fellow actress in the series, suddenly showed up out of nowhere.

"I'm sorry?" I looked up at her. She's fixing her bag, smiling.

"That's what I usually think of when I look out that window," she said, pointing at the window that needs cleaning.

She's wearing her usual sweater and a cap. She brought yummy snacks and healthy juices.

She's been giving me unsolicited advice about my love life, which baffles me on how she's always on point.

"Well, life drowns you if you don't swim against the current," I forced my answer, really wanting to be alone for a minute. But to be polite, I showed Yeri that I was interested in a chit-chat.

"Nope. Life will only drown you if you stay submerged in it. Just like your love life, it would collapse if you only fixed the facade. You must fix the foundation as well," she threw those words like a philosopher.

I love-hate this about her. Her opinions are not welcome, and yet they linger because somehow, they resonate.

"I heard you almost bought the entire restaurant and flower shop haha," Yeri commented while she pulled a chair closer to me.

I just looked at her, and she said, "Yep, words travel," putting out her sparkly smoothie tumbler and a snack box, which consisted of salad cups and mini sandwiches.

Yeri gave me a couple of her snacks; they're delicious. I'm not even starving, but I devoured them in a heartbeat.

I told her the reason why Jennie and I fought again. I wanted to stay private, but I had to clarify some hearsays she told me, like if there's cheating going on, secret marriage, and whatnot.

Jisoo, our director, entered the room; everyone scrambled and continued their assigned tasks.

Jisoo's presence exudes a blessing and terrifying combination. She doesn't come across as a tyrant director but usually goes ballistic if you disobey. If people want to improve and go places, they follow her lead.

After the reading session, Yeri and I walked alongside each other down the hallway. "She's vulnerable because she's young. A wide age gap tends to put you at risk of having little similarities," Yeri described Jennie. She listened attentively while we marched towards the parking lot.

But Jennie is only 5 years younger; I could feel the dearth of life experiences sometimes, though.

"She's on the road of self-discovery; her priorities can change and scratch you off her future," Yeri said in my face, bold and loud.

Another jab from Yeri. Thank you, I don't want to know that.

"What do people do when they feel this sad?" I asked, looking at the floor.

"How sad?" she asked, curiosity glowing in her eyes.

"It's like you're addicted to something but forced to quit cold turkey. Butterflies in your stomach get replaced by heavy cold rocks, slowly shattering your soul," I expounded.

"Hmmm, either they try again or move along. It depends on which road is worth a shot," she replied, looking up at the dark sky.

Why do I think and speak as if I'd lose Jennie? She's still mine.

I drove to my midnight commercial shoot, no music, no phones, just silence. The kind of stillness I don't like, for I can hear my head screaming heavy words. It goes down to my chest, and my heart begs for it to stop.

Because it knows, it knows it's about to lose something that I might not find again.