Brighter Than My Porch Light

Unanswered Questions

On the third day, we cooked our favorite breakfast: sunny-side-up eggs, cheese, and bread.

"I have a proposal to make," she blurted excitedly, setting down the frying ladle and turning to me.

"How about we go on a quick trip? No dates yet, but let's make it happen. Yes? Yes?" Her eyes beaming, energetic tone, and clasped hands as she continued rambling.

"I've been reading reviews about this place: green scenery, cool activities, and people are calmer," she reassured.

"Jeju!" She boasted before I even had the chance to ask.

"Oh, that's the thing I want to surprise Jennie with!" I said, bragging about my cool idea.

"Oh... I see," she said softly, picking up the frying ladle again, her cheerful face becoming dull.

"I haven't bought tickets; I want to plan it with her," I shared, settling into my chair.

"Oh... okay," Seulgi reacted, frozen in her position; I noticed her face got flushed.

"I have been trying to look for the right time, but we end up arguing about something else," I added.

"Oh no," she reacted robotically again.

Suddenly, I'm talking to a motionless robot, frozen but responsive. I told her about my Jeju surprise for Jennie and the itinerary I made. All I got from Seulgi were apathetic responses.

"Earth to Seulgiiii!" I waved my hand in front of her face.

"Yes, yes, sorry. Just thinking about my film," she finally came back. She settled in her chair with the eggs she cooked.

"Can you at least spill details? I asked Yeri if she knew anything about it, but none. Jennie too, none. I ought to know; I'm your best friend," I said playfully, pushing her shoulder.

"Fine. Just a gist, okay? It has tear-jerker parts. How someone can't confess her true feelings to a friend, swallow her ego, and set the other person free. It sounds cliché, but it's devastatingly sad; she can't breathe the reality as it hits her," she babbled.

"Why can't she just flat-out confess? In reality, some people try. We always play games with the fate of 'what ifs' because we hate the idea of what could have been," I wondered heavily, smiling.

"At some point in her life, she tried... but cowardice ate her alive. I should have told her when I had the chance, I mean her... she... she had the chance. But it's too late now; she belongs to someone else... I mean, SHE, the character in my movie! She belongs to someone else," she explained frantically.

Seulgi is spilling more beans than she should.

Her hands got wobbly, knocking utensils, and clinking them against each other.

"You'll see, it's going to be one of those nerve-wracking, gut-wrenching movies you've seen," Seulgi said in a flat, threatening tone.

It felt like we were about to start a heated debate about it, so I asked a funny question to lighten the mood.

"Would you confess to me if you had feelings?" I asked, staring at her.

"Would you take a chance on me if ever?" She stared back.

"Do you think it's worth risking years of fruitful friendship?" I asked again.

"If I kissed you, would you kiss back?" Seulgi surprised me.

Neither of us would answer any questions. I couldn't find any answers.

"The movie sounds like us but not in a romantic way," I described the concept of her movie.

"Yeah, haha, I know, but you're not my type, haha," she produced the loudest laugh that made me feel offended.

I'm not her type? Why do I find it absurd that I'm not her type?