Brighter Than My Porch Light

Dazzled but Dazed

I woke up fresh and feeling better; it must be a good day.

I was about to start my yoga routine when I received a call, which I immediately answered, thinking it was Seulgi.

It's the fitness magazine, and they want me to be on the cover. It involves a full-day photo shoot, 5 pages solely for me, and 10 questions for an interview about my workaholic lifestyle, my healthy routines, and my projects.

I'm ecstatic; it's an international magazine. My first thought was to text Seulgi about it.

Seulgi asked when the best time to call was; she must have been trying but couldn't get through. I told her she could call now before my yoga. In a few seconds, she called to excitedly inform me about the date of her movie premiere, a few months from now. I'm so thrilled; I'm looking forward to it.

It seems like half of this industry is invited—our friends, everyone who knows she has feelings for me, and people who witnessed our live drama backstage at the award show.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, consoling me about the premiere day, making sure I was ready.

"Are we seated together?" I asked in return.

"Yes, of course," she assured me.

"Then I'm going to be okay," I said with relief.

***

My team and I have been ensuring I am photo shoot-ready with double sessions of yoga and healthy meals for good composure.

The call time for the magazine shoot is so early. I saw the questions; they're simpler than I thought. I remember when Wendy would ask me simple questions and expect me to have deeper answers.

'I wonder how she is,' I thought to myself. I hope she's doing better.

The magazine team instructed me to jot down my answers, and if they have follow-up questions, they will ask me after the photo shoot.

My answer to the first question: What inspired you to practice yoga and meditation?

"Seulgi, my best friend, taught me that the goal of yoga is to feel good and strong mentally, spiritually, and physically. Everyone is becoming a workaholic; we all need to practice a healthy routine alongside."

One down, nine to go.

My answer to the second question: Do you have any meal plans and workout tips?

"I'm not a fan of shortcuts, so everyone should do a healthy workout. I followed Seulgi's meal plan; it is so thorough. I have incorporated more fruits than usual, prioritized good sleep, and consumed less sugar. I eat three meals daily, sometimes more, but I have also added more greens to my meals."

My assistant looked at me every time I finished a question, and I would look back at her. After the fifth question, I finally asked, "What is it?"

"Are you sure about your answers?" she replied, and I looked down to re-read my answers. They seemed okay, so I replied, "Yeah, I'm satisfied."

After 30 mins, I handed them my form. One staff checked and read my answers, and she took a quick glimpse of me. "What is the big deal?" I whispered.

***

A week after the photo shoot, my immune system caved in from work exhaustion.

I decided to stay in and rest today.

Seulgi wants to come over to check up on me but insists that we should stick to texts and calls instead; I don't want her to cut her work early for me.

We're becoming more comfortable with each other now. We're not fully there yet, but I am so proud of how far we have come.

We talked about every topic life could offer, except her feelings, the award night, and probably tons of questions in our heads.

I wanted to ask about her movie, the hearsays that linger: 'Is it about your love for me?', 'Is it about me and you? or 'Is it your way to confess?' The list goes on...

Today, our call lasted for 2 hours; oh, that's a record. I wonder if we could surpass our records. When we were younger, we'd stay up until dawn; the only hindrance to our long phone calls was our classes the next day or one of us drifting off.

It was nighttime when I decided to chill on my balcony, sipping a cup of dark cacao in my huge sweater, and curled up in my wooden Adirondack chair.

I am happy. I can feel my heart rejoicing again.

Seulgi and I are getting back on track. No matter how horrible my days are, I can withstand it because of her. No single moment is unbearable.

My brain was thinking out loud, 'I cannot imagine a life without Seulgi.'

And it fully hit me...

In that moment I said "oh holy sh--..."