Brighter Than My Porch Light

The Faster You Get Someone, the Faster You Lose Them

I was not in a good place to have a constructive conversation last night, but we owe each other more than this short, uncomfortable car ride to my house.

So, I asked her to stay over. We slept in the same bed but faced opposite directions, as if one of us had something contagious. Normally, I wouldn't be able to sleep if there's an unresolved issue.

But I drifted off quickly.

And when we woke up, we both knew we were going downhill.

We walked out of the room without saying a word. I made her coffee just the way she liked it. I cooked sunny-side-up eggs with minced tomato and cucumber. She toasted bread and set the table.

The oven toaster's timer sounded like a countdown to our heartbreak.

The sound of ticking stole every second of our time together.

The incoming, burning conversation boiled under the sunlight streaming through my window.

We sat and finished our breakfast. The coffee tasted bland. The spices in the food seemed flavorless.

I remained quiet, giving her the opportunity to talk, and she gave me time to formulate my responses.

"Are we a rebound for each other?" She chuckled and shook her head while wiping her tears.

How can she say this? Are we? I need to find a rebound so I can get over this rebound. I mocked myself.

We were both holding our mugs, bowing down. Our fingers played with the handles as we took glimpses of each other's faces while words started to fly out, slowly and painfully.

"Do you love me, or is it just about winning?" I asked, fearful for the answer, tears starting to form as I looked straight into her eyes.

She looked back at me and said, "I know this is love. But I realized we were so broken when we met... We were so eager to find someone, anyone to settle with just to..."

"To cover a wound..." I finished her sentence, sadly acknowledging it's the last time we're on the same page.

She glanced at my ceiling, her sad eyes seeking help. With a slight pout, she continued to explain.

"I've been trying for us, but my feelings changed irrevocably last night after I saw you talking to Seulgi," she said with a poker face and a plain tone.

"Just last night?" I asked, confused, staring into nowhere.

"When I saw Seulgi with you, I just knew..."

"Knew what?"

"That you don't belong with me... you belong with her."

She turned away and stared out the window. The sunlight illuminated her pretty face. I tried to process what she had just said.

"I love you," she whispered under her breath, looking straight into my eyes.

I bowed my head and stared at my mug, trying to hold back my sobs. I felt guilty because I knew it was over.

She waited for my response, but I remained silent.

She took a deep breath and stood up slowly. Leaning over, she kissed my forehead. The moment her lips touched my skin, memories flashed back; her first hello lit up my day on the first day we met. And now, her last kiss lit up my soul like cold a fire.

We didn't connect as we hoped, and we ended up giving each other another heartbreak. I hate goodbyes. I hate people leaving. But I let her go without even a fight. She left the table modestly and gathered her things.

Hearing Wendy's car fade away tore my heart to pieces.

One abandoned chair is highlighted by the sun.

Two empty plates with one heart breaking.