Brighter Than My Porch Light

A Heartbreaking Clarity That Brought Me to My Knees

It's movie day. Judgment day.

Seulgi texted me the time she'd arrive, assuring me we'd be seated side by side. The movie invitation specifically says casual attire—no gowns, just hoodies. Seulgi wants it simple yet impactful. I wore skinny jeans with a cardigan and brown ankle boots.

The movie premiere quickly became a mini reunion. It's just too much interaction for me.

When she finally arrived with the main cast, everyone congratulated her and then went to find their seats.

She's wearing a Ralph Luh-ren colored blazer and Luh-coste white sneakers.

When I saw her in the crowd, I realized how true my feelings are. She appeared, and my heart fluttered. 'There goes the love of my life,' I thought.

"I'm glad you saved the day. I need to recoup my energy," I whispered, hiding behind her arm.

She turned her head to look at me and laughed, knowing that I hit a wall in social gatherings.

She grabs my hand and directs me to our seat. She chose an aisle seat for me; she knows it's my favorite spot. Yes, simple gestures like this scream 'I love you.' I can't believe I was so naive.

She explains things in the movie while I contain the adrenaline rush waging within me.

"I think you've already gotten a hint about the movie?" she asked, her whole body facing my direction.

"Yeah, I kind of connected the dots. I never asked, didn't want to imply anything," I said, rubbing my arms and crossing my legs. I'm already freezing, and the movie hasn't even started yet.

"The climax of the story is that the lead escapes poverty but faces heavy challenges in life. I'm not going to spoil it, haha. I want to share that... the love life part is... you know." She pointed to herself.

I listened attentively. It's like watching a flower bloom. She's so pleasant to gaze at.

In the middle of the movie, the love interest emerged, and every line stabbed my soul.

'Can't she see the person she's meant to be with is right in front of her? When they play chess, they cook and bake. Right beside her in the passenger's seat, right beside her in sleepovers...'

Then I mumbled, "Right beside her in the movie theater," unconsciously saying it louder than I should have.

She looks at me, trying to process what I just said, blinks a couple of times, and then goes back to the screen.

I know it made her think. Does she think I'm mocking her? Is it too obvious that I'm all over her?

Seulgi is glued to the screen, sitting up straight. There's no awkwardness or glances at me during high-tension scenes.

But I look at her from the corner of my eye when resonating lines come up:

'Listen to her even if she's not speaking.'

'It comes down to the last person you think of at night.'

'I'm just waiting for her until she dates someone again and disappears from my life forever.'

Her movie is a messenger. Her movie is a love letter for me.

The movie has a bittersweet ending. It tied up all loose ends and provided some finality to everything. The lead found herself by losing the people she loved.

She didn't end up with the girl, her friend.

'Oh, I thought the world of you, so deeply, sincerely, heartbreakingly,' said the lead to her friend as they parted ways.

Seulgi was hurting.