Brighter Than My Porch Light

Same Sky, Different Places

I arrived at Seulgi's shoot, and everyone was occupied. I didn't want to disturb anyone, so I looked for Seulgi's trailer on my own. Some staff and actors smiled and waved hello, then quickly returned to their business.

When I found her trailer, I was excited. I went in, and it smelled like the perfume I always gift her.

I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to present my gift. I considered putting it in the fridge, but the letter might get moist. So, I decided to put everything on the table, spending another 10 minutes arranging it, with my letter as the first thing she would see.

It had been about 30 minutes, and everyone was still busy. I knew I wouldn't be able to wait for Seulgi. I didn't want to be seen as a disturbance. I drove home and texted Seulgi that I left a gift in her trailer.

I have to mentally prepare for dinner.

***

I rested and pampered myself while I waited for 8 pm. I planned to go there way earlier. I feel nervous like I'm going to puke.

7 pm strikes, and I rush to shower, calm myself, and put on my favorite comfy outfit. While getting dressed, I keep checking my phone. She liked my message and sent a lovely emoji. She must be drowning with so much work. I wonder what her reaction was when she saw my gift. Oh, I will know later.

I arrived at quarter to 8. The coffee shop is a small, simple standalone store with a second floor. The first floor can accommodate only 10 people, the same as their second floor, with a classic staircase in the middle, so everyone who goes up and down is visible.

8:15 pm, typical Seulgi. She usually arrives around 5 or 10 minutes late with her famous trademark 'I'm sorry I'm late.'

8:30 pm is tolerable, but 9 pm? No text from Seulgi. No sign of her in sight. I keep checking her last seen on apps, and she checks in every minute too.

I texted her if she received my gift and read my letter. She immediately replied with 'YES' in all caps and smiley emojis. So, she read it, but what now?

I did not reply. I cannot interpret it; she's happy but not here. She sent a supportive reply but disagreed with the idea.

I'm famished. I decided to finally order a salad and lemon juice, eating my confusion away. Waiting for something so important after mustering the courage is hellish and draining.

9:30 pm and she's still not here. Hopelessness started to visit me. I'm on the verge of crying, holding back my sadness by shifting my focus to other tables. Watching them laugh, arrive, and leave the shop.

It's 10 pm, and they're about to close the store. Searching for the right questions, my fingers decided to compose a simple message.

"I guess it's over." I hit send, disappointedly.

"I guess it is," she replied after a few seconds. My heart broke as she replied swiftly.

Out of anger, I told myself, 'And she couldn't even reject me decently and properly.'

Out of desperation, 'Maybe I should go to her house and explain my letter face to face.'

Out of confusion, 'But Seulgi wouldn't unethically ditch me like this.'

Out of hope, 'She loves me, she's just busy.'

I'm having a psychotic breakdown.

For two hours I waited. Two hours of hope and confusion.

I ordered plenty of takeouts; I knew it would take days before I'd get the urge to stand up and cook or see the outside world again.

A couple of customers left the shop, but I'm still sitting like a statue. I plan to leave in 2 minutes, just trying to relax my body drowning in despair.

Another woman walks down the stairs from the second floor. She looks devastated, slowly strolling down the staircase, and bowing her head.

And then I heard my heart explode.

IT'S SEULGI.