Brighter Than My Porch Light

Fireworks Lighting up the Sky

It's a slow and quiet afternoon. After my early rehearsal, I want to drop by Rosé's flower shop and buy a dozen sunflowers.

Rosé is always so excited to see me. I love how we both instantly felt a connection the first time we met. I always see her with different hairstyles: bouncy curls or a French braid. But today, she had a ballerina bun.

An hour later, she advised on how to unleash my green thumb. I had a couple of succulent plants that died on me. She offered lucky bamboo and aloe vera plants; they're some of the easiest plants to maintain.

I told her about Seulgi's movie, not spoiling any details, just promoting it and talking about Seulgi, when she interrupted me...

"I'm sorry for cutting you off but are you and Seulgi dating?" she asked out of curiosity.

"Uhm, no. Why?" I asked, confused.

"The way you talk about her as if she brings the rainbow into your sky. Hmmm, like she saved our planet Earth haha," she waved her hand with scissors in the air, smiling wildly at me.

I noticed how bubbly and excited I get whenever I talk about Seulgi, but I didn't expect someone would notice.

"Haha, maybe she's my secret crush," I joked and produced the worst fake laughter. A crush? Out of all the excuses I could say, that's the one I picked.

"So, you're clinging to 'crush'?" She looked straight into my soul, and I was sweating.

"Hmmm, a CRUSH?" she said, tilting her head.

She's not buying it, but I have to stick with it playfully. I suddenly ran out of vocabulary and excuses to use anyway, so...

"Yeah, aren't we allowed to have little crushes?" I said with my fake laughter.

"That's not just a crush. Every word you say about her is deeper than a crush. You know, I love my friends, but I don't talk about them like how you talked about Seulgi..."

She stopped wrapping the items I bought, looked at me, and gave me a sly smile. Now I've piqued her interest. It's like I'm being interrogated. I forced another fake laughter, the ugliest and loudest I could produce.

She went back to wrap the flowers, cut ribbons, and all. I'm speechless.

"It's like everything you said about her screams 'I love this person,' you know haha," she said in her calmest tone, still giving me a sly smile.

That line seems familiar.

Something sparked. I remember Jisoo describing Seulgi.

I went home.

Before I even got to unwrap the plants, I bought, I sat on my couch. I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.

I crouched and moved both of my hands to the sides of my head, elbows on my thighs, and as I opened my eyes...

I said it out loud, the full acknowledgment of...

"I'm in love with Seulgi."