Two Worlds Apart || Ghost

26

Caroline

Simon took off for his mission 3 days ago. I didn't say bye to him. I didn't want to say anything. I had nothing else to say to him except that I never want to see him again. Walking in and seeing him with that girl made me feel sick. I was so dumb. Of course, I was just one of his stress relievers.

I guess that this is what I get for trying to move on from Aaron. I should have never talked to him that night. I should have never let him come over all those times. 

I drove to the school. Everything was already fixed, and we were ready to come back. I pulled into the parking lot and stared at the rebuilt building. I take a deep breath and try to keep a smile on my face.

I step out of my car and ignore every teacher that walks by. I tried to smile but I couldn't. I couldn't get the scene out of my head that I saw yesterday. Who knows what he's doing right now with her. 

I dealt with this so many times. I have been with guys in the past who just use me as another one of their toys. None of them meant to be anything else to me. I was almost used to it at this point. It was times like these I wish and pray that Aaron would just come back to life.

I open the door to my classroom. It was bare with the whiteboard, my new desk, and the students' desks. I had to redecorate the room to make it not look so basic and gross. My old room was perfect. It had warm and soft tones to it, I had decorations, a theme, etc. Now I had to start all over again. 

I put my bag on the desk and sigh. I take one morel look around the room. They had built it differently now. There were more windows, the floor was a different tile, and the board was fresh and new. I didn't like it.

Throughout the day, I tried to keep normal as if I didn't just want to sit on the floor and cry. The kids were slowly noticing that I wasn't my usual self, but I reassured them I was fine. They still asked me questions about Ghost, which I always ignored or redirected the questions to something else. 

Mr. Oscar had barely spoken to me since I confronted him the other day. No teacher had really spoken to me.  Lucas and Joshua had 2 recess detentions. I wanted to tell Ghost about what they did too but obviously when I tried to talk to him, he had his mouth on someone else's lips.

~~~~~

The day was finally over, and I watch as all the kids run to their parents. I keep my arms crossed as the playground was getting empty from parents coming to pick them up. I was deep in my thoughts, until I heard a girl voice beside me. I turn and see Alexa.

"Hey Alexa. Is your mom or dad not here yet?" I ask. She frowns and shakes her head. 

I walk over and kneel down to her level. She looks into my eyes. "I don't think they love me anymore Miss Madden."

I narrow my eyes. "What? They do. I know they do. Love is sometimes a hard thing to really understand."

She shakes her head again. "No. They yelled at me this morning in the car then pushed me out. I don't think they're coming to get me." She slowly starts to cry.

I stand up and pull her in a hug with her head resting on my stomach. Her grip was tight on me as if she never wanted me to let go. I look down at her.

"Hey. It's alright. Come inside and we can wait for them." I say and walk her back into school.

I talk with the office ladies, and they could get a connection with Alexas's parents. As a teacher here, I'm not really allowed to interfere with families. So, I just sigh, and we walk back to my classroom. Alexa sits across from me in one of the seats.

"I'm sorry I'm bothering you Miss Madden." She says softly.

"Don't apologize. Don't ever apologize. It's not your fault." I say leaning forward in my chair.

"I don't think they love me at all." 

"It may seem that way but I know deep down they do. I promise." I smile and look at her curious face. 

She lets out a deep breath. "What is love anyway? What does it mean?"

I raise my eyebrows. I didn't really know the best way to describe it. The only way I could tell her, is thinking about me and Simon.

"It... uh...it means that you really are about a person. They want to be around you all the time and make sure your safe and happy. Sometimes if you love someone, you won't be able to get them out of your head. You think about them a lot and they make you all excited or nervous."

She smiles. "Do you love anyone Miss Madden?"

I sigh. "I did love someone once. Rememer my husband that passed? I really loved him and he-"

She cuts me off. "But do you love someone now?"

I stay silent for a few seconds. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I did love someone. Simon. I loved him more than words can say. He was a traitor, but I still loved him and i hated myself for that.

I answer her by slowly nodding my head. She smiles. "Do I know them?"

I chuckle. "I'm not going to tell you. You'll tell everyone."

She chuckles. We keep talking for a bit until her father came to pick her up. He was a stern man, making her nervous. Before she walks out, I stop her. I give her a list of information. It was my address, phone number, email, and just about anything. It was for her in case she ever needed help. She smiles and hides it form her father before walking off with him.

I think about what I said to him and about how I still love Simon. I couldn't get my mind straight. I couldn't keep thinking that I loved him, but he is all I think about. I missed having him around. I missed him telling me about his day and how he held me when I told him about mine. 

Maybe he was telling the truth. The tone in his voice and the way he looked into my eyes looked and sounded so real. He must have really meant it. I haven't known Simon long, but I knew that he would never lie to me. I let my past experience get to me and make me believe that he was lying.

Everything we did the past months felt so real. Whenever he held me, talked to me, was intimate with me, or was just with me was so real and made me feel so much for him. He made time for me and treated me better than any man ever could. 

I was wrong. Completely wrong. I messed everything up. I felt so guilty. I never even said goodbye when he left on his mission. He could be dead with the fact that I never wanted to see him again but that wasn't true.