Her Love

Do I?

Jaanki's POV

I was worried for her. She had gone through so much. So, I asked Raghav to go and talk to her. They were friends after all. I knew the feelings he had for her, but at the moment she needed a friend. And then I saw them talking in the garden. I couldn't help but feel jealous and insecure. I knew it was immature. She was sharing something so painful; of course, she needed support. But I can't control how something makes me feel, can I? I tried to push those feelings aside and left for breakfast. And then they joined us. Raghav was coaxing her to eat. I didn't like it at all. He did that to me every day. He couldn't do it to someone else. The moment I started feeling that way, a voice in my mind reminded me that I was being stupid. He had been so nice and caring to me. Just last night, he shared his feelings with me. Of course, he didn't say anything, but his silence told me everything. But I felt very insecure when I saw Raghav caring for her. She wasn't just some friend, right? He loved her. And looking at him take care of her, made me doubt my place in his life.

And then he came and thanked me. He understood I'd feel uncomfortable. And despite him being so understanding, I couldn't get myself to feel secure. So I said it was alright, not wanting him to know about how pathetic I was for feeling jealous of someone who was in so much pain. I didn't want him to see my immature side. He always told me he liked my maturity. So, I would try my best to be mature. On that thought, I left after giving him a small smile. It didn't reach my eyes, but I hoped he didn't notice. I was busy the whole day with meetings and preparation for the wedding. I really didn't think about Gayatri. But the moment I returned home, all that changed.

I saw Raghav and Gayatri seated on the couch of the meeting hall, talking to each other. Raghav was trying to brighten up her mood. He was cracking jokes, bringing up memories of their college, all that to just get her to smile. Did he ever try to make me smile? She was listening intently, with a slight smile. "Hi Jaanki, How was your day?" Gayatri asked, once she noticed, I was back. "It was good, how did yours go?" I replied, trying to give her a smile. "It went great. Raghav reminded me about our college days and it feels great to recollect those memories," she said, sounding slightly better than she did in the morning. "That's great," I said, trying to make my way towards our room. "You should join us. We have so much to tell, and I've not had the time to get to know you well enough as well," she said, dragging me towards the couch. I followed her, reluctantly and took a seat. Raghav just looked at me. I didn't know if he was uncomfortable with me invading their space.

Nevertheless, they started talking about the fond memories of their college. They spoke about how they hung out, about how much of a prankster Gayatri was and about how well Raghav took to her pranks. I knew she genuinely wanted to just share about their college time but for some reason, whenever she spoke about Raghav, I felt like I knew nothing about him. Whereas she knew him inside out. I know it's unfair to compare. She had known him for the last 11 years while I hadn't even known him for 11 months. But my immaturity resurfaced. I felt jealous. I felt insecure, knowing very well these emotions were futile to have. "You don't have any fond memories of college?" Gayatri asked me, looking at me.

"I actually never had the chance to attend college. I had to take care of Mewar so I didn't really have time to go to regular college. All of my courses were online and yeah, I never got to have that fun," I confessed, looking down at my hands. "Let it be, my story is sad and depressing. I wouldn't want to bore you with it," I completed, leaving for my room, not giving either of them a chance to stop me or to say anything. I rushed to the room and sat on the couch, looking down with tears in my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I never felt like I missed anything until I spoke to them. Even now, I don't regret not going to college. It wasn't an option for me then. But I did feel the difference between me and Raghav. She went through college with him. Of course, their life experiences are vastly different but she was with him during a tough phase of life, while I had met him after both of us were mature. Hence, I didn't, and maybe never could, understand him the way she does.

I felt a hand on my shoulders while I was lost in thought. I turned around to find Raghav looking at me concerned. He looked even more shocked after looking at my face and I didn't understand why. That was until he wiped a tear off my cheeks, making me realize, I was crying. "What happened, Jaanki? Why are you crying?" He said, looking at me with panic. I couldn't hold my tears back and started bawling. I hadn't let myself cry after I turned 16. At 16, I realized what losing my parents meant and what the responsibilities I had meant. At 16, my lawyer had a talk with me about my responsibilities. At the same time, looking at kids at school with their parents, made me realize what I did not have. That scared me and I cried. But after that, I had promised myself, I'd be strong and I'd never cry. But that promise was breaking today. I didn't have it in me to keep the promise any longer. I felt weak, jealous, and, most importantly, I felt pity. Pity for my teen self who had to endure such a harsh life, pity for that seven-year-old Jaanki whose right to a normal life was snatched from her. Today, after listening to them speak, I realized, for the first time, what I was never given a chance to have or even want. And so, I cried. After 10 years, I finally, let myself cry.

Raghav's POV

Her tears pricked my soul. I never knew someone's tears could cause me so much pain. I had never seen her cry. Hell, I hadn't ever seen her weak. She was strength personified. She was my strength. And today I was watching my strength break and I didn't know what to do. I was helpless. So I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled her into my arms, hiding her away from everything that was causing her such pain. Her sobs were breaking my heart. Until that moment, I hadn't realized the extent of her control over me. I didn't know her tears could make me feel like ending the world, like ending myself for letting it get to this.

She just sobbed into my arms, holding onto me like I was her only anchor in life. But I didn't think so. Jaanki was a strong woman. She didn't need me. She was complete by herself. But looking at her crying, made me think otherwise. She needed support. She had fought through life alone and I wasn't going to let that happen any longer. She had me. I would be her strength, just like she was mine. I would stand by her, just like she stood by me. "Jaanki, I don't know what's brought you so much pain, but I assure you, I'll try my best to ease it. You have me," I said, still holding her in my arms. "Do I?" she questioned looking at me. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. Did she doubt the fact that I'd be by her?

Before I could say anything, we heard a loud noise coming from the meeting hall. Jaanki wiped her tears swiftly and both of us made our way to the meeting hall. We found Gayatri looking terrified. When I looked to the other side, I found Karan Thaapar. He was standing there glaring at Gayatri. Before he could reach for her, I stood in between them, while Jaanki pulled Gayatri behind her, shielding her. "Don't get into my family matters Mr Rajvansh," he said, warning me. How dare he? He had the audacity to call her his family after everything he had done. Before I could reach, I heard Jaanki say, "Mr Thaapar, we would appreciate it if you left this place while we are still being civil to you. You know what you have done and Gayatri has filed for divorce. Don't make us put criminal charges on you or worse, you know what Madhavgarh can do, don't you?" Her voice was calm yet could send shivers down anyone's spine.

He got the message and left while still givingthe three of us a death glare. I quickly moved towards Gayatri to check how shewas doing. As I was with her, I saw Jaanki rush somewhere in a hurry. Ifollowed her, worried, only to find her throwing up into the sink. How could Iforget about her sickness? She couldn't be so stressed. It led her to throw up.The doctor had cautioned me about it and yet today was so stressful for her. Irushed to hold her hair back as she finished. She washed her mouth and turnedaround. She looked exhausted. "Go to Gayatri. She needs you. I can take care ofmyself," she said walking away. I wanted to follow her. Every cell in my body wanted me to follow her, but I had to check on Gayatri as well, so I chose to do the latter.