Her Love

Learning about her

Jaanki's POV

"Everything is fine, Mrs Rajvansh. You only need to eat a bit more food than you do now. Are you able to keep your food down?" the doctor asked. "She was fine and is able to eat more than before, but she threw up the day before yesterday," Raghav said before I could get a word out. "I see. Did you eat something just before that made you want to throw up?" I nodded my head in negative. "But the situation at home was a little stressful, so I'm assuming it might be due to that," Raghav informed. "That is possible. I advise you to avoid stressful situations, Mrs Rajvansh. Otherwise, everything seems normal. Do you have any questions for me?" "No, thank you, doctor," I said, trying to get up. But Raghav, being Raghav, asked her a hundred questions about my medications, food, and blah and blah and blah.

"Is that it, Mr Rajvansh?" the doctor asked after Raghav was done with his 1000th question, with an amused smile. Raghav nodded, and we finally left. I sat in the car, a little annoyed at the number of questions he had asked. "Muh phoolake kyu baithi hai aap?" He looked at me with a smirk. "Who asks so many questions? You took 30 minutes just for questions. I just wanted to leave." He chuckled and placed a kiss on the side of my head. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. We weren't the type of couple to be physically affectionate. We never, ever kissed each other until we were, you know, doing that. So I just stared at him. "I just want to know about taking care of you and the baby. Both of us don't have parents to guide us through this. I don't, even for a second, want not to know how to take care of you." His words melted my heart, completely making me forget my insecurity. He was my Raghav at this moment, just mine.

"I want to eat ramen." I was craving all sorts of food now that I wasn't throwing up every 2 minutes. "Ramen it is," he said, directing the driver towards the restaurant. We got seated in our seats, and once we reached the place, Raghav, being the gentleman he was, pulled out the chair for me. During the initial days of our marriage, he had done the same. And I told him that I could do it myself. He left me speechless, saying, "I know you can. But every woman deserves to be treated with respect and care, and this is my way of showing that." I couldn't deny him after that. He sat in front of me. He looked so gorgeous, his face illuminated by the dim lighting of the place. He was just breathtaking. "You spoke to Gayatri, right?" I broke out of my trance and nodded. "Yes, how did you know?" "I know, Jaanki. I know the kind of person she is. It isn't easy to change her mind about things. But I also know she admires you, and you have the ability to give her confidence," he said. "I didn't give her confidence, Raghav. I just reminded her about it. She already is a very strong and confident woman."

He cracked a small smile, displaying his beautiful dimples. "Your dimples are gorgeous. I hope our kid gets them," I said, staring at him. "Ahaan? What else about me do you want our child to get?" "Everything. I want our child to be just like you. Not just in appearance but even in nature. I want them to have your resilience, your caring and respectful demeanor, heck, I want them even to have your anger." I looked at him googly-eyed. "Well, I have different opinions. I want them to be just like their mother: selfless, loving, confident, and strong. I want them to love you the most in the world," he said, holding my hand over the table. How could he be so nice? "You know I'm hormonal. Don't say such cute things. I'm gonna cry." I got teary-eyed. He chuckled. "You have become way more expressive now after your pregnancy, but there is still something you are hiding very well," he commented, looking at me. I was confused. I wasn't hiding anything from him. What was he talking about?

"What made you break down, Jaanki?" He was looking straight into my eyes. What will I tell him? I didn't want him to pity me, nor did I want to show him my immature side by sharing my insecurities. I looked everywhere but at him. "Look at me, Jaanki. I want to know about it. I don't want to feel helpless when you cry. Please." I couldn't handle him pleading. He was Raghav Rajvansh. He never pleads. "Raghav, it's nothing. It's just something stupid about my past." "Nothing about you is trivial enough for me not to want to know about it, Jaanki." He looked a little angry. I realized he wouldn't let the topic go. I sighed, giving up. "I don't want you to pity me, Raghav. I have had a tough life, but I don't want anyone's sympathy." "Who am I to pity you? Anyone who pities you must be insane. You run one of the biggest companies in the country that you built from scratch. You handle Mewar better than any king ever could. You are strength personified, Jaanki. I am no one to pity you," he said, emphasizing every word.

He assured me like he always did. And I trust him. "That day, when you and Gayatri were talking about your college life, I got a flashback into my early adulthood. I never went to college. I never had the option to go to college. I learned everything online while handling the estates. I just felt bad for my younger self for not having the choice. People don't realize the importance of having the power to choose until they don't have it. It's just that since I was 7, I had no choice. I had to grow up quickly; I had to mature. I couldn't trust people. I couldn't live my childhood. No child should ever be robbed of their childhood. I had no one to take care of me. Listening to you both talk so fondly of college just brought back those memories." He pressed my hand in his. "I know, Jaanki. I understand. We both have suffered since a young age, but I at least had someone to call family. But now, even you do. Yes, you had to mature early in life, but you can be immature now. Be childish now. You have me to take care of you. So be free, make a mess. But please don't break down like that. I can't take it," he said, eyes filled with immense care and pain.

I didn't know my tears could cause someone pain. He told me I could be immature. He didn't know; I already was. I was jealous of his bond with Gayatri. Of course, I didn't tell him that insecurity, too, was a part of my breakdown. I was acting stupid. He cared about me. But even after everything he said, I couldn't help but wonder if he was doing it out of care and not love. I did know and accept his limitations. But now, with Gayatri back, I want more. He loved her, so he would always want her. But did he want me? Or was he being nice to me because I'm his wife? What if he still wants to be with her? Am I stopping that? I had all these thoughts. But I wasn't generous enough to let him go. He is my husband. I want him. I want his love. But could I get it?