Her Love

Washing away Insecurities

It's been a week since I said those words to Jaanki and she's avoided me ever since. I couldn't blame her for it, though. I myself didn't make much of an effort to talk to her. I was ashamed and guilty. But I knew I had to. I couldn't treat her like this after all that she had done for our family. She's only loved both me and my family selflessly. Even if I couldn't love her, I had no right to disrespect her love and efforts. I'm going to talk to her today. I need to sort this out today. Bua and Kaki will be here tomorrow, and once they are here, they'll try their best to hurt her. And I can't let her deal with it alone.

I did talk to Viraj, though. I apologized to him and Sakshi. He almost smacked me when I first went in front of him after the argument at our house. He understood me, though. He, too, wasn't too happy when he found out about Arjun and Aashi. With that out of the way, my whole focus was on apologizing to Jaanki. But before I could do that, I had to deal with Arjun and Sakshi as well. They were very upset with me. I had hurt their Bhabhi, after all.

"Arjun, Sakshi baat nhi karoge bhai se?" I asked them, walking into the study. Arjun was helping Sakshi understand the project they were working on. She had just joined this project after successfully completing the previous one. They both just looked at me. "I know whatever I said to Jaanki was out of line. And I know you guys are disappointed in me. Trust me I'm disappointed in myself as well. Before I apologize to her, I want to apologize to both of you aswell." I said, looking at them. "You can never disappoint us bhai. You are our pride. We can never be disappointed in you. We are upset, yes, but not disappointed." Sakshi said and Arjun nodded. I smiled at them. "What can I do so that you guys are not upset anymore?" I asked, "If Bhabhi is no longer upset, then we, too, won't be upset." Arjun said. I smiled and nodded. "I know I've hurt your bhabhi. I saw her face after I said whatever I did. I could see the hurt in her eyes. I don't know how I can make up for that. Despite knowing how much family matters to her, I said what I said." I said in a low voice, regretting everything all over again.

("Arjun, Sakshi, won't you talk to your brother?")

"Don't tell me you don't know how to convince bhabhi? It's been almost 7 months since your marriage. I'm sure you must've figured out what works." Sakshi asked me, and I just looked down, not knowing what to say. "You guys haven't fought ever. Did you?" Arjun said. "Honestly, no. We haven't ever fought. Jaanki is such an understanding partner, nothing ever escalated to a fight. We've had disagreements, yes, but never fights." I replied. Both of them looked at me, amused. "Continue whatever you were doing," I said and left the room.

Jaanki's POV

I had a very good husband. I heard him talking to Arjun and Sakshi. I always knew he never really meant what he said that day. Living with him for the past almost 7 months made me well acquainted with the kind of human he was. He respected me and my feelings a lot. He would never say anything to intentionally hurt me. But insecurity did creep in that day. But hearing him talk to them reassured me. It washed away the little insecurity I had allowed myself to feel. The creek of the door opening to our room pulled me out of my thoughts. Raghav walked in and sat down beside me. I knew why he was here. I was no longer upset or angry, but traces of hurt remained. I wanted to listen to what he had to say.

"I'm sorry Jaanki," he started. "I know my words hurt you. I can't take them back, but I realize the intensity of my words. I've never, from the bottom of my heart, thought that this family wasn't yours," he continued. I heard each and every word he said, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him how much his words hurt me, but I didn't know how. "Talk to me, Jaanki. I know you are hurt. Tell me what you feel. I know I've hurt you. Scold me. Vent your emotions. Don't suppress them because I fucked up. I don't want this hesitation to make a home in our relationship because of my mistake. I want our honesty with each other to remain intact. That's the specialty of our relationship. I don't want to be the reason to ruin that for us." He said with guilt and desperation. "Your words did hurt me, Raghav. It made me feel like you could at any time take this family away from me." I said, choking up. "No one, Jaanki, and I mean no one, can take your family away from you. Not even me. You did not get this family because of me. Yes, I might have introduced them to you, but you made them yours with your love. You are related to this family not by marriage to me but by your love and care for them," he said, looking at me with a voice filled with desperation to convince me of his words.

For the first time since Raghav walked into the room, I turned my head to look at him. I saw the guilt and desperation in his eyes. I always knew he didn't really mean his words. If his conversation with Arjun and Sakshi had washed away my insecurity about my relation to this family, then his apology to me would have assured me of my position in all of their lives. It gave me the confidence that this situation will never repeat itself. I hummed, looking at him with tears in my eyes. He wiped my tears, saying, "Don't waste your tears on my stupid mistake, Raani sahib." "You are a very good husband, Maharaj." I said. "Really?" he questioned. "Yes. Making a mistake doesn't make you a bad husband Raghav. Not accepting your mistake does. You not only realized it but also understood my insecurity without me having to say it out loud. What more could a woman ask for?" I said sincerely. "Thank you for thinking so fondly about me even after I've hurt you. And you are a great wife as well. Not just a great wife, but you've almost become a mother to my siblings," he said, making me look at him with surprise.

"I've at least spent the first 5 years of my life with my parents. I have memories of them. Vague memories, but memories nonetheless. But Arjun and Sakshi were just 4 months old when mom and dad passed. They don't know what or who a mother is. You are the closest thing to a mother figure in their life." He said. "You are the first parental figure in their lives, Raghav. You are both mother and father to them. I'm very happy if they think of me as a maternal figure. But you have given them all of their values. You raised them." I said, holding his hand. He didn't say anything further. He just clutched my hand tighter. I rested my head on his shoulder. And that's how we sorted our first-ever fight. And I was happy with how we did it.