Wilde One (Chris Evans) 18+

25

I'm going to have to suck it up and talk to Chris about things. I've been too chicken to since the Oscars, but I know I have to do it. He's going to be filming while I'm back on tour so I need to do it before then. 

"Can we talk?" I ask as he's sat with Dodger  doing something work related on his laptop. He closes the lid down so now I have his full attention. 

He always gives you all of his attention, even if the time is inconvenient. 

"What's up?" He frowns on seeing my face. "Harps?"

"I...well, I've been thinking..." I stumble and then just come out with it. "Maybe we are rushing things with the wedding..." 

He;s silent and sits back, contemplating my words and trying to figure out what I'm trying to say. "Ok? So, what are you trying to tell me?" 

"I just think that maybe we should put it on hold, just until the tour is over..."

He smiles to himself and just nods silently. "You've been thinking about what your sister said". 

"I've been thinking of it since it happened, but I just didn't wanna upset you. I mean I want to marry you, don't think that I don't want to, but...people's opinion of me, of us? It's got to me and made me think that maybe they're right". 

Chris sighs. "Harper, since when the hell did you even care about what people have said about us?" 

"I've always cared ever since we starting dating". 

I knew he was going to be annoyed. I just knew it. 

"And who exactly initiated that in the first place?" He fires back. "You knew what you were signing up for Harps! You knew that dating me came with some kind of price. I'd have thought that having been out with Taylor and everyone would've made you understand how this kind of thing works!" 

"Maybe I didn't know just what I was signing up for when it came to you! Maybe I underestimated just how much of a fucking stress it would be, having to keep things private and stuff - I knew the media was ruthless but I never knew the extent of it until we were together!". 

Chris runs his hands down his face. He doesn't like arguments at the best of times. "Well if you can't handle it then maybe we should just call off the wedding and take a break. I'm leaving tomorrow and you're gonna be in a couple of days - if this is what it's gonna be like, causing arguments then it's probably for the best. We can use the time apart to think about things and where we go next". 

I honestly didn't want it to go this way, and my heart is shattering because I wasn't suggesting that we take a break.

"I still love you..." I say quietly. 

"I know, and I love you too, but I guess we want different things. You wanna continue with your career and I wanna settle. I don't blame you for it, but I'm not gonna hold you back. Like I said, time apart might be better for us. Plus, I guess we can both relax - no pressure of a wedding to plan until we decide whether we wanna carry on with what we have or just..." 

"Break up". I finish the sentence for him, feeling the lump in my throat. "I need to go pack..." 

He gets up and follows me. "Harper..." He starts but then realises he has nothing left to say - at least, not for now anyway. I don't want us to end up hating one another, I never could because I love him too much - but we need to sort out our shit. Me more so than him. All he wants is to take a step back and slow down, whereas I'm still young, at the peak of my career. Maybe being back on tour will give me some answers as to what I really want. Because I do want him, but I don't want to be the reason for him not having what he really wants. 

I manage to book a last minute flight for New York, and take my cases to the door where the Uber has arrived. "Will you at least send me a message when you arrive in Paris, just to let me know that you're ok?" Chris asks. He looks like he's about to crumble. 

I nod. "Yeah...I will" and then give him a hug. "I didn't want to make this what it's become..." 

"Yeah, me neither". His voice cracks and he crouches down to ruffle Dodger's fur. 

I say nothing else and take my cases, getting into the Uber and trying to hold back everything until I'm home in the apartment I haven't set foot in for months. It just feels strange now, and eventually I just let it all out and cry. 

Maybe we are the right people, but it's just the wrong time.