Wilde One (Chris Evans) 18+

26

I throw myself into rehearsals, not saying a word about what's happened between Chris and I to anyone, not even Taylor. We've got a new set especially for TTPD and so we've had to learn new routines especially for it. Tonight is Paris night 1 and already I know I'm going to be trying to hold things together.

"You good?" Jan takes me to one side as we're getting ready. He's noticed I've been quiet today.

I nod. "Yeah, just hoping I won't fuck up with the new routines".

You're a shit liar.

"You'll be fine, is Chris coming to any of the dates?"

I shake my head. "Well, London - I think. He's filming currently". Half lie, half truth. Personally I have no idea whether the plan is still for him to come to London. "It's all a bit up in the air at the moment".

"Too busy planning a wedding". Natalie puts in, overheating the conversation as she passes to get part of her costume. "How's that coming along? You haven't really mentioned it".

Here we go. Another lie. "Thought people would be bored with the talk", and then decide to end the conversation and get ready. I haven't spoken to Chris aside from one text as promised, telling him I was in Paris. I can't take my ring off, not that I want to - but it'll just throw the rumour mill back into overdrive. The last thing I want is people finding out we're not together currently.

Jan still doesn't look convinced but lets me get on anyway, and we head onto stage an hour later where I try and convince the world that I'm ok, but I only get so far before Jan once again notices that I don't look great. As he partners up with me for one part of the dance, he mouths 'you ok?' to me while I just blink back tears and nod with an award winning smile. If anyone asks, I'll just tell them I wasn't feeling well.

We run off and now Kam is coming over to me, having seen me almost fall apart. "Harper? You alright?"

"Yeah...just not feeling great".

"Do you wanna get a reserve to go on in your place?" He asks as he goes to beckon a few crew members over.

"No, I'm ok - just some water and I'll be good". I can't not go back out there, it'll cause people to talk more than ever.

Now Taylor comes off for a quick outfit change and is also concerned. "You alright?"

I nod. "Yeah, just wasn't feeling good out there, but I'm ok now I have my water". I tell her as we hurry to change.

When Kam's out of earshot, she looks at me. "Talk to me when we get back to the hotel". She smiles and gives me a quick hug before running back out. I follow soon after. I'm not on for this one but I am the one after, and I manage to make it through the night with a fake smile on my face. I take full advantage of pretending to beat the absolute shit out of the car during 'Blank Space' and that perks me up.

"C'mon, you're gonna come with me tonight". Taylor says as she comes in to see if I'm ready. I grab the last of my stuff and we leave, giving a few waves to fans who have stayed in their seats to try and glimpse her leaving backstage. "So...something's happened and you're not telling anyone".

She's not stupid.

I launch into everything, continuing as we get back and make for her room. She listens, nods, gives her input but otherwise lets me just talk, and talk, and talk. Eventually I finish and she smiles weakly. "But why didn't you tell anyone? We could've helped, we don't bite".

"I know, but I didn't want it taking the focus off the tour and stuff. I'm sorry I couldn't really keep it together tonight, I tried".

"Hey, it's ok. We were just really worried you were sick or something - so...have you spoken to him?"

I shake my head. "No. Technically it's a Ross and Rachel 'on a break' situation, but I don't know, I just...I don't know what's gonna happen between us".

She hugs me. "It's gonna be ok you know, even if things don't work out, could you possibly still be friends?"

I nod. "I wouldn't wanna lose him altogether, but I guess it depends on whether he'd agree to that too, he might not want to be".

Could I really remain friends with him and perhaps watch him move on with someone else if it ever came to that? I'm not sure that I could.

We talk for a while, looking through Tik Tok at videos fans have posted from tonight. Of course some have captured my wobbly moment and are questioning it.

Was Harper ok? She looked upset? 😔

Yeah I thought she looked like she was crying?! 😢 hope she was ok. Anyone know what was up?
         - someone said she wasn't well but still went on. Get well @harperwilde!

Even though she was unwell, @harperwilde crushed it tonight! My fave dancer! 🥰

Hope we get more Chris and Travis tour content 🥵

I won't lie - So High School also reminds me of Harper and Chris in some ways 🥰🥹 her and Jan were amazing when they danced to it 😆

"See? They think you were sick, problem solved". Taylor smiles.Well it's far from solved between me and Chris but as she now says, being apart may do us good.

I hope it's that, because if these months away do more harm, then I can safely say that this is all my fault.