Mona

19. My Him

That right there was the problem, he had me when I wanted him to hate me. I wanted him to be distant, cold hearted, and ruthless. Instead he was loving, caring, and respectful.
~Mona

"So lemme get this shit straight." Mari said plopping down onto the bed with a bowl of popcorn. "You told Anthony that you two are together, even though you still want Cali. But you want to be with Anthony I'm guessing because he was here first right?" I nodded yes. I laid upon the bed staring at the ceiling, alomost as if it would give me and answer.

"And Cali told you that all those feelings that he had for you was a lie right," she continued on. "Yep," I sighed.

"Damn Mona, well I can assure you that Cali still has feelings for you and that he'll be a little salty when he finds out. But the only reason Cali told you those bullshit ass lies about him not caring was because he felt like he was betraying Anthony." She said nonchalantly.

"What, what do you mean?" I questioned, this all made no sense to me but it sure did to her. "I mean Anthony had sex with Cali's old girlfriend which caused him to lose his sister. The only reason why Cali messed with you in the first place was because of retaliation against Anthony. But in the process of getting even, so to speak, Cali wound up developing feelings for you that were not initially intended. Therefore he told you those lies because he now feels remorse," I looked at her in pure confusion. This girl read too many psychology books; but she had her heart set on becoming one.

"I'm saying that Cali lied because he feels that you and Anthony should be together. And after all that's happened he's forgiven Anthony and wants to move on. So he started by breaking whatever y'all had going on off." she simply said stuffing her face with buttered kernels.

"How did you.-"

"What figure all this out? Well after you told me about his little sister, it was kinda obvious. Not to mention the fact that I actually pay attention and I don't have my head shoved up my ass ass you do. Ya' little drunken love horn ball," she laughed. This girl is to smart to say that she's just thirteen.

"Well I don't kno.-"

"Oh you don't know what to do? Mona Elise do I seriously have to figure everything out for you?" She sighed.

"Please just this one time sissy," I pouted, poking out my lip. "Mona I'm sorry but that's a call that I can not not will I make," she informed.

"I can't make that decision only because in all honesty... It's not mine to make." She finished.

||

"Gimmie kiss," Anthony leaned down pecking me on the lips.

"Y'all betta stop allat in my kitchen, I ain't bringing no more kids in my house. Back up boy and give her some space," his grandma yelled.

"I'm sorry Nurse Love," I blushed.

"What I told you about that girl, call me Te Pam or grandma. Hell ion care, when you call me that I think I'm still up at that school with them hooligans. I like for my Saturday's to not be reminded of that hell hole," me and Anthony both burst into laughter.

"Grandma why you cussing like that," Anthony smiled.

"Anthony just because you my grandson does not mean that I will not cut you, and hell ain't a cuss word," she waved a bread knife into the air.

"Aww hell well then I can say it," he joked.

"Anthony I'm not playing boy, you go be on Channel 2 news of you don't stop," I swear these two were a trip.

"Come on ma let's go," Anthony whispered into my ear.

Being with anthony was good, but different. When we kissed I felt distant, when we where together I felt like I was in a whole other universe. Being with him did not give me a real rush, I didn't feel the deep unspoken compassion. But then again I was only comparing him to another, in hopes that one day Anthony could give me what he gave me; but I felt as I'd that day would never come. Anthony could never be him because Anthony was just that, Anthony. Anthony was not the adrenaline fueled him that knew just what to say at just the right time. The him that knew just when to hold me, and knew the type of pains and struggles that I dealt with. He was not the him that I could talk to for hours about how much we were both one in the same. The bottom line was that Anthony was not Cali.

"Mona, you heard me," Anthony called out. We stood outside standing in front of his car.

"Oh... Oh no I'm sorry. I drifted off," I shook my head.

"What you thinking about," he rested his forehead against mine.

"Nothing babe, I'm good. Just happy that Kihya is back in a few days," I half told the truth.

"Yea I am to." He held his finger up under my chin, raising my face to his as he gently placed his lips unto mine. His tongue traced my bottom lip finding its way into my mouth. He pulled me closer to him deepening the kiss as I slowly began to softly moan. I broke the kiss as I seen a car pull into the driveway, it was my him.

"Damn y'all tryna fuck in a driveway for everyone to see," my him joked.

"Wuzzam nigga," Anthony dapped him off.

"Nun, I got Mari some ice cream since she was so distraught over Blue Bell. She say it's the end of the world because they on hold," he laughed.

"That girl crazy, almost as crazy as her sister." Anthony said smiling down at me.

"Yea," he agreed. I looked down feeling his eyes roam over me. "Well imma head on in, I got porn to watch."

"Nigga you nasty fuck, ugly ass," Anthony joked. "We finna head out though, holla at 'cha later." Anthony said holding my hand leading me to the car. He opened my doors for me like a true gentleman, I can't lie Anthony did treat me like a queen.

I watched as Cali made his way inside of the house, oh god how I'd love to-.

"Mona, did you hear me," Anthony repeated.

"No... No baby I'm sorry," I apologized.

"What are you thinking about so hard," he questioned.

"Nothing babe, it's just that everything is moving so fast you know. I don't wanna mess this up, mess us up," I lied. I leaned in to his side kissing his soft lips.

"You know you mean a lot to me baby," I smiled. "I know baby, and nothing's gonna happen. I got 'chu ma." That right there was the problem, he had me when I wanted him to hate me. I wanted him to be distant, cold hearted, and ruthless. Instead he was loving, caring, and respectful.

I wanted a reason to breakup but I didn't want to hurt him. I don't know what I want.

But the worst part was, my he was not fighting for me. He was now cool with Anthony and they both were like best friends now. I wanted him to fight for me, to admit that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I wanted our lips to kiss and for us both to feel that sense of surity because we belonged. I wanted him and no matter what I did with Anthony, Anthony could never compare to my him.

______________________________

Damn. How y'all feel about Cali now?

And poor Anthony right.

Omg I reread this chapter and I was like Yass! I get so hyped when I read stories even if I wrote them I forget what I write lol.

~XO504QVEEN©