Mona

24. To Knew Beginnings

Mona

My eyes were red and puffy from having been crying all night. I looked at my phone to see that it was now 3:46am, wipping my nose I sat up.

I undressed to my undies laying back down, I felt so sick. How could I do that to Anthony? Would he ever forgive me?

Thoughts ran wild through my head as the tears returned. I heard the door crack open as a shadowy figure crept in, the person turned on the lamp beside me. I looked up to meet the eyes of Anthony, he sat down at the edge of my bed looking away from me.

"You woke?" He grumbled, I nodded sniffling some more.

"How long y'all been fucking?" He seemed so angry, not that he didn't have a reason. I felt so sad at how I did him, I cared for Anthony but he wasn't where my heart was.

"Wha-Wha, what do you,-" he cut me off. "Don't try and fucking play me Mona how long y'all been fucking?"

My heart dropped from my chest as tears gushed from my eyes. "We not Anthony... It just me a you," I tried.

"Don't fucking lie to me Mona, I ain't stupid," he slightly yelled.

"Anthony... I'm not lying, we not. I wouldn't hurt you like that," I pleaded.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying Anthony," I sat up. "Look at me," I cried. "I wouldn't do you that Anthony, I'm not like that." He turned away sighing, deeply focusing his attention to the door.

"Okay," he paused. "I'm not a child so I'll be honest, there's nothing wrong with lust. We all lust over people and it'd be wrong of me to jump shit because of that. I forgive you, we all make mistakes right? It's only fair that I forgive you for this," he said still not making eye contact. I can't believe he forgave me just like that. If I was him I wouldn't have ever talked to me again.

"I'm sorry baby," I quivered.

"It's okay, just make sure that shit don't happen again," he said sternly.

"How long you been crying," he looked up at me.

"Since we got here," I answered looking down, playing with my fingers.

"Well... You look like shit," he joked, causing me to smile. "But you're still beautiful," his warm smile made feel good again. He crawled up to me sliding me down as I laid in his chest. My face felt hot from all of the crying that I'd been doing.

I was so glad that he'd forgiven me, but I still wasn't satisfied. It was like the sex only reminded me of the fact that I still had feelings for Cali, it didn't suppress the feelings.

"Mona," he whispered.

"Yes?" I whimpered, scratching my nose.

"I love you."

||

"Did you say it back?" Kihya asked digging into her fries.

"No," I sighed. "He was all like I love you and I just froze."

"What did he say?"

"He said that he understood. He didn't want to push me into something that I didn't want to do you know," I explained.

"So he forgave you for saying another niggas name while y'all was fucking," she repeated. Although she was blunt I loved her honesty.

"Yea pretty much," I looked away.

"Damn that shit crazy, I wish. Could have been here for you Mona," she looked down.

"It's okay girl you needed to get away. After all that you've been through you needed that, and I love you," I rubbed her hand.