If You Let Me

Ice cream

That moment played in my head over and over. Every time I though about it my stomach done a few backflips, until I reached the last part. That moment had me thinking what did I do wrong. Even though Drei initiated it, it still felt like I was moving to fast. Maybe I should've pulled back? Maybe he wasn't ready or maybe he isn't even into guys, but that still doesn't explain why he initiated it. All these thoughts were making me go mad.

I decide that today was the day that I find out everything. I made my way over to Drei's house and knocked on the door. Annie opened it and a smile beamed across her face. I think she likes me. "Hi Annie is Drei here?" I asked. "Yes he is, he's in his room." She said with a smile. "Ok thank you." I said politely. I made my way to his room and knocked on the door. No-one answered. It sounded quiet, so I let myself in. I know that seems wrong of me, but I just had to know what's going on between the two of us.

I heard his shower running so I just sat on his bed. I was scrolling on my phone, since he connected me to the Wi-Fi last time I was here. I heard his shower turn off, so I just waited for him to exit. I didn't expect what happened next. He walked out of his bathroom, completely naked. My eyes widened and I quickly turned my head towards the door. "Oh Shit, sorry, I didn't expect you to walk out naked." I say defensively. "What are you doing in my room Skylar?" He says calmly. "I'm sorry I just came to speak some thing out." I say awkwardly. Wait why's he calling me Skylar? "Ok let's talk then." He says wrapping a towel around his waist. Damn his body is majestic, it's everything that I've ever wanted my body to look like.

"Why are you avoiding me?" I ask knowingly. "I'm not avoiding you." He states blankly. "So then why Every time I enter a room, you leave or the fact that you're not responding to my messages." I ask curiously. "Well you just happen to enter the room as soon as I need to leave." He says emotionless. "Ok and the messages?" I ask. He stays quiet. I look at him waiting for an answer, but he doesn't give it to me. "Is it because of the kiss?" I ask. "What do you think?" He says blankly. "What was wrong with it?" I ask. "Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm not into guys?" He says slightly raising his voice. I look at him confused. "Didn't you kiss me?"  I ask annoyed. "Yes I did, but that's just because you were leading me on." He responds. "Don't blame this on me! I never asked  you to kiss me! I never held a gun to your head and said that if you don't kiss me, I will shoot you. No! You done it out of your own free will. No-one forced you." I say angrily. This brought back the memories of how my father always found a way to blame me. He stayed silent. " You know what? You can keep blaming people for things that you've done but that is not going to get you far in life." I say, slowly regaining my composure. "Yeah well you're the Gay one between the two of us, so you can't tell me what will get me far in life or not, the fact alone that you like guys is not gonna get you far in life." He says, slightly angry. I look at him in disbelief. I felt the tears forming from behind my eyes. But I made a vow that I will never cry infront of anyone ever again. So I stopped them in their tracks. "I should've known that you were just like all the others." I say dissapointedly. And with that I left.

I make my way downstairs and just say bye to Annie before leaving the house. I need to go somewhere. So I go the only safe place I've ever known, the hospital. That's the last place I saw the person I love most, my grandma.

I make my way to the parking lot and just sit there, starring at the building. I feel a tear escape my eyes, as I quickly wipe it away. I'm not going to cry because of some homophobic bastard. My father has been enough reason for my loss of tears. I'm not going to let someone I barely even know, make me cry. I'm stronger than that.

I was too deep in thought to realise, that more tears were flowing down my face. I tried wiping them away but they just kept on flowing. This whole thing just hit a little too close to home. It reminded of all the times my father abused me of being Gay and about how he'd resent me if I ever decide to date a man, and all those things. Hearing it from the first person I've ever kissed, was just something else.

I was pulled out of my thoughts, by someone knocking on my window. I didn't know this person, but they looked oddly familiar. I wiped my tears and rolled down my window and looked at the girl. She had freckles all over her face, and had the most beautiful pair of grey eyes. Where do I know her from?

"How can I help you?" I forced a smile. "Are you okay?" The girl spoke. Her voice was soft and soothing. "I'm fine I guess." I say softly. "You don't look fine? Is there any way that I can help?" She asks politely. "If you can't cure heartbreak, then I don't think you can." I say chuckling through the pain. "I think I know what may help." She says smiling. "Yeah? What's that?" I ask curiously. "Ice cream." She says enthusiastically. "Do want to come with me? I Was on my way there anyway?" She asks. "Sure." I say as I smile, genuinely this time.

"Ok but vanilla is definitely better than chocolate." I say in defence. "What are you, Crazy?" She asks dumbfounded. "Maybe just a little" I say as I start giggling. "No you need serious Therapy if you think that vanilla is better than chocolate." She says as she giggles. Gosh her giggles are so cute. "We've been sitting here for almost an hour and I still don't know you name. It's giving, stalker." I say jokingly. "Maybe I am." She says as we both start laughing. "My name is Noelle." She says. My eyes widen as I realise where I know her from. "Wait Noelle as in, third grade enemy, Noelle?" I say in shock. "Wait. SKY?!" She says as she realises. "What a coincidence." I say smiling. "What a small world." She says.

We spent another hour at the ice cream parlour, catching up on all these years that we've been apart. She had to change schools when her dad got a new Job in New Zealand. We never saw each other since. "Well we all know that I'm still smarter than you." She says cheekily. "Still dreaming I see." I say jokingly. We spent a few more minutes at the parlour before getting up to leave. We exchange numbers and we go our separate ways.

I spent the whole way home, thinking about Noelle. She's beautiful. All the way down from her wavy hair down to her beautiful legs that look like those of a a model. She had me mesmerized. She's funny as Well and we get along well.

I get home and see my mother sitting on the couch. I make my way over to her with a smile. "Mom, you won't believe who I just ran into." I say excitedly. "Who?" My mom say giggling at me excitement. "Remeber the girl who I was always in competition with in third grade?" I ask. "What's her name again? Noelle?" She asks. "Yes, her." I say. "Didn't you have a crush on her?" My mom asks smiling. "I did not!" I say pouting, while blushing. "Yeah but anyway, she's sò beautiful. I think I might have a crush on her." I tell my mother as I look back on our encounter.

I make my way up to my room, I take out my clothes and head for my bathroom as I look for a playlist. I press play and jump in the shower. I get out of the shower after having one of my world famous concerts, and start my skincare. My body may not be perfect. But my skin? Top notch. God knew what he was doing when he didn't give me Acne or pimples during pubity. 

I get out of the bathroom and put on my pj's. As I jump into bed I receive a message.
Thomas: Hey I'm sorry for the way things played it between us. Can we please meet up? There's certain things I didn't tell you. And I feel like you need to know. Please :(

I look at the message in disgust. What could he possibly want from me? I leave the message in read, and start scrolling through tiktok. Another message pops up:
Thomas: please Skylar. I really need to get this off my chest.

I leave the message on read once again. I won't fall back so easily. He made me cry, I don't easily forgive people who make me cry.

Another message pops up:
Thomas: I'm not going to stop until you respond.

We'll  see about that. I put my phone on dnd and continue my nightly scrolling session. I don't have time for this bastard's bullshit. I finally close my eyes and doze off to sleep, but not until my phone starts ringing. What the heck, I put my phone on dnd.
It's a private Number.
"Hello"
"Don't drop please."
"What do you want?"
"Please Sky I just need to speak to you"
"If you don't get over with it I'm going to drop the call."
"Sky please, can we speak this  out? I said some things I didn't mean. I'm sorry."
"No we can't, you've done enough."
And with that, I drop the call. I shut down my phone so that I can't be disturbed. And i slowly fall asleep.