If You Let Me

Regrets

Drei's POV:

Sky left here with a look of hurt, regret and anger. I hated myself for everything I said to him, he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve any of this. I sat in my room, just staring at the ceiling. U didn't want to go out of my room, not with this guilt I'm carrying. My mom would immediately sense it and interrogate me about it. So I just layed there.

It was now about 9:45 and I just couldn't handle it anymore, the quilt was eating me up from the inside. I messaged Sky, seeing that he was online, I waited for a response. I go back to the message and see that he left me on seen. Understandable, but I'm not gonna stop, not until he sees how sorry I am. So I started sending him more messages. I saw that now he wasn't even reading them anymore, so I done what any other person would do, I put my number on private, since I knew he'd drop if like knew it was me, and I called him.
"Hello" hearing his voice was just something else. It made me feel okay.
"Please, don't drop the call please." I say, scared that he's going to drop the call.
"What do you want?" He asks coldly. That hurt but I guess I deserved it.
"Please Sky I just need to speak to you" I say, almost begging.
"If you don't get over with it I'm going to drop the call." He really was hurt.
"Sky please, can we speak tho out? I said some things I didn't mean. I'm sorry."
"No, you've done enough." And with that I heard the line go dead.

I tried countless time to get a hold of him, but nothing. I gave him some time to cool off. Once again I was left alone with my thoughts, all the memories flowing back in.

All the time my dad used to scream at me, when he saw me playing with a girl, or all the times he'd come home, accusing me of being a bitch, and all those things. That's why I had to be so cold towards Sky, he was never the problem, the people around me were.

You know, I've known that I'm attracted to guys since I was probably like 14? The only problem is the fact that my father did not want any of that near him. We were living with him at the time. So, I decided to take that part of me, and crumble it into pieces. That's why I have this body, I started going to the gym regularly, I never stopped until I reached my dream body. I thought that, maybe if I had a body, and more girls started wanting me, I'll forget about guys. It didn't take away my lust for men, completely, it just simply boosted my ego, with getting girls.

I honestly though that my 'Phase' was over, until I started noticing Sky. He was beautiful. I noticed what was happening, so I started distancing myself. Even though we never spoke before. He still had this Aura around him, one of purity and genuineness. He was one of the only people who's never seemed to pretend to be someone they're not, he always spoke his mind, he didn't care what people were saying behind his back. And that's what made me feel even more attracted to him.

I started developing an unhealthy crush towards him. I found myself staring at him, watching everything he does, even stalking his social media. That's how I got to know him, even before he approached me at the party. I admit, the way I spoke to him at the party was a bit rude, but that's just because I knew the effect he had on me. I thought that, if I decide to befriend him at the time, it would just enhance whatever it is that I felt for him.

When his sisters spilled the nail polish on me, the way he spoke to them in such a gentle way, it made me want him even more. When it came time for the project, my heart skipped a beat, knowing that I'd finally get the chance to know just a little bit more about him. He's the first person to know what my room looks like.

When I was around him, everything felt genuine. It felt REAL. The night I kissed him, was just too much for me. It sparked something inside of me, something that I've been trying to cover up for a long time. I couldn't live with the thought of my father being right about me. Even if he wasn't completely right, just the thought that he would see me as a gay person, that is what made me say the things I did. I said those things to him, because it's what I thought of myself. It's what I've been thinking of myself, ever since I've accepted it. The look on his face made me realise that what I said isn't necessarily true, even if it was meant for me. It made me hate myself.

I had to make things right. So I went to his house the following day. I knew that he would be furious at my presence, But I didn't care, he had to know that I was truly sorry. When he didn't forgive me, it felt like a knife was being driven through my heart. The way he spoke, even though he tried putting on an emotionless facade, I could hear the pain in his voice. It was when I saw his eyes start glistening, when I saw how much my words really affected him. He left to go to the bathroom. I stood there in regret. I could hear his sobs through the door. I made him cry. That hurt me even more. I made my way downstairs, as I was about to Leave, I saw Sasha struggling with the flour container.

"Do You need help?" I ask politely. "Yes please" she says chuckling at her struggles. I smiled as I helped her put the flour in the counter. I didn't really try to hide that I was hurt, but I wasn't really trying to gloat about it as Well.

"What's wrong?" Sasha asks curiously. I didn't feel like thinking of a lie, so I told her. I told Sasha EVERYTHING. "Oh, you're the reason why he's been glowing recently?" Sasha asks. "I don't know" I say nervously. "if there is one thing I know about my son, is that he has a very big heart. He will forgive you eventually. Right now he just needs time. I think that you should just keep trying, show him what he actually means to you. He's been disappointed by a LOT of people in his life, so forgiveness for him, takes time. But I feel like you're a very genuine person, so just be patient. He'll forgive you eventually. Okay? Don't stress too much about it okay." She says, smiling at me. "Thank you for that" I say smilling genuinely.

I hear a door opening and I start panicking. What do I do? He told me to leave. "Go to the bathroom, I'll cover for you." Sasha says sneakily. I hear Sky's voice as he speaks to Sasha. I make my way out of the bathroom. I receive a glare from Sky. Shit. "Drei can I speak to you?" He asks. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that scolding. "Sure" I say hesitantly.

We get to his room and he imidietly starts questioning me. I quickly made up a half lie, and that was that. Sasha asked me to help her bake, so I did.

After a while, a girl walks in and is immediately bombarded with questions from the sisters and Sasha. Sky makes his way over her and hugs her. "Chocolate, I've missed you." He says as he's hugging her. I look at them and notice the chemistry. God how I wanted that to be me.

We all spent the day together, eating popcorn and watching movies. I didn't want to leave, because I would feel some type of way, with Noelle being there, so close to him. It made me go crazy. I waited till Noelle left. Sky walked her out, but they were out there a little too long. I went out to see what was taking them so long. I opened the door, to them inches apart from one another, that made my blood boil. I closed the door, hard enough for them to hear, but soft enough so that it doesn't startle Sasha. Sky came in moments later and proceeded to scroll on his phone.

"So chocolate huh? How come she gets a nickname, but I don't?" I asked teasingly. "Don't worry about it sweetheart." He says with a hint of sarcasm, as he continues to watch Tv. I make my way towards him. "I can't see, please move." He says. "Not until you tell me how she got the nickname." I say. "Are you jealous?" He asks. Of course in jealous have you seen yourself? "Maybe a little." I tease. "How come? I thought you weren't into guys?" He asks, now with a disappointed look. I avoid the question, not wanting to touch the topic. "Just tell me how she got the name." I say. "She took me on a date, you didn't. Get over it." He says blankly, as he stands up to leave.

I stop him, by gently grabbing his arm. "Don't do this." I say warningly. "What am I doing? Leading you on again?" He asks blankly. I never knew how much my lie affected him. "Maybe" I say teasingly. "Don't tempt me" he whispers in my ear as he breaks free from my grasp, and walks over to the door. "Please leave, I want to sleep." He says rubbing his forehead. I didn't know what to say. So I said the only thing that came to mind, "Don't say I didn't warn you." I say. And with that I left.

'Don't tempt me', those words played over and over in my head. What did he mean? I hated how he made me feel, mainly because I know it's wrong. But if it's wrong, why did it feel do right? I wanted every last part if him. And I'm going to get him. I remembered Sahsa's words 'just be patient'. And that's what I'll do. I'm going to be patient. Because for Him, I'd wait till the end if time.

But at the same time, I felt like he was challenging me, I know if it's wrong of me to think of it like that, but two can play that game. Even though I didn't want to, the lust I had for him, the urge I had to be near him, the fact that he's trying to get with someone else, that's what was pushing me to going to these lengths. I had be with him, but he has someone else. So I need someone to fill that space, that's if anyone can.