If You Let Me

See You Later

Today was the day of the funeral. I wasn't in a good state. I mean who would be of they're about to bury the love of their lives. I felt Numb inside. Like nothing mattered anymore. I stopped crying, my heart wasn't in pain anymore. I was... empty. Stripped from all emotions.

I heard a knock on my door and made my way over to it. I opened it and saw my mom. I could see the sympathy in her eyes. "Its time to leave my son." She said softly. I not slightly, not wanting to speak.

We made our downstairs and I found Ari, Jas, Cayden, Arya And Richard waiting for us. I asked Arya to come, but My Father did not want to come, not that I care, but it would've meant something if he was here. We all made our way to our cars.

I decided to drive alone, since I wasn't in the mood to socialize, even with my own Family. I put on a playlist so that my thoughts wouldn't consume me. I kept my eyes on the road, trying to focus on some details of the road, to distract myself from thinking.

We arrived at Annie's home and made our way inside. I saw Annie sitting at their kitchen island and made my way over to her. She was in a daze, I could understand why. "I'm so sorry Annie." I say as I put my hand on her back. She looks up at me, with bloodshot eyes. I hated seeing her like this. "Its okay Sky, unfortunately, it was his time, these things are unpredictable." She says, giving me a forced smile. "If we didn't leave that day, he would probably still be here." I say. "Sky, it's not your fault." She says. "Then why does it feel like it?" I ask.

It was my fault, we never should've left that day. It's all because I wanted to see my friends, now he's gone. "Because you loved him. You blame yourself, because you feel like there's no-one else to blame. You need to accept that you did leave that day, there's nothing that we can do now. You didn't know it would happen. Please stop blaming yourself." She asks pleadingly. I simply nod. Although I couldn't help but think that it's my fault.

We made our way to the church, and it was time to view the body. I refused,  I didn't that to be my last memory if him, but Jas forced me too. It was heartbreaking to see him like that. I looked over at Annie, seeing her, just made it so much worse. She was bawling her eyes out, struggling to breathe correctly. I walked out if the church. I couldn't be there any longer. I made my way to my car and just sat there. I felt the tears roll down my face, yet I still didn't feel anything. It was as if God was trying to tell me that it was okay to cry. Believe me I wanted to, but I just couldn't.

The rest of the people walked out of the church and I knew it was time to go to the Graveyard. I waited for the hurse to drive, and I followed shortly after.

We got to the Graveyard, and we went to the gravesite. I stood one side, since I didn't want anyone to try and console me, that would've just made me feel even worse. A few people said a few things about him. Hearing their stories brought tears to my eyes. But once again I couldn't feel anything. I watched as the coffin sunk to the ground. That made me feel something. It made me feel like the pieces of my heart that was left, we're being grinded into dust. It hurt more and more, that I'll never see his beautiful smile, and his pretty eyes ever again.

Everyone started leaving, and I made my way to the grave. I stood there, reminiscing all the times we had together. I felt my body go numb once again. I felt someone put their hand on my Shoulder. "My son, let's go." I heard my mom speak. "You can go mom, I'll come later." I say as I keep my gaze in the grave. "My son I know it's hard, but you will feel better, okay?" My mom Says. I nod in response. My mother left and I was still staring at the Grave. I was alone.

"I don't know if I'll ever heal from this, but I want you to know, you were the first person that made feel what it felt like, to love the way I love. You made me feel complete. You made my problems disappear. You made me feel like there's hope. Hope that one day I will get my happy ending. But I guess that you only gets a happy ending in the fairy tales and Stories. But one day we will meet again, hopefully In the next life, we get to have the happy ending we deserve. But for now, it's time to say goodbye. Infact, I don't believe in goodbyes. We will find each other again. So for now, see you later Sweetheart." I say as a tear rolls down my eyes. I put a rose on his grave, and made my way to my car.

I got to my car and just sat there. I felt my body start shaking, my breath leaving my lungs, but struggling to return. I knew what was happening, and I couldn't stop it. Tears started streaming down my face and my breathing got heavier and heavier. I was having another panic attack and once again, he wasn't here to help me through it. I got to the point where my eyes started blurring and I couldn't see anything. I stopped fighting it. Maybe this would make me feel something. Anything. I gave in and let it consume me until I eventually passed out.