If You Let Me

Shopping

My mother lived 30 minutes away. So I was there at like 00:47am. I called her to let her know I was here. My mother got out of the car and immediately ran in for a hug. I saw tears streaming down her face. I wiped them away and gave her a tight hug. "I'm okay now my mother." I say. "Wait! Where's Jasmine, you can't leave her there. She can't go through the same thing." She asks worried. I walk to the back of the car and pick Jasmine up to show my mother. Jasmine was not my mother's child, but Jasmine looked up to my mother and Arya, because her mother passed away when Jas was very young.

"She's safe, I'll never let anyone go through that again, especially her." I said, as my mother let out a sigh of relief. We went inside and I put Jasmine in Ariennè's bed besides her. I kissed both of them on their foreheads before leaving.

I met my mother in the kitchen, deep on thought. I walked up to her and hugged her. "It's all my fault. I should've taken you with me when I left." My mother says sobbing. "No it's not mom, don't say that. If anything you're the reason that I'm still standing, if you never left I never would've had someone to run too. And besides who would've protected Jasmine from him. You saved us mom." I say assuring her.

My mother and I had a cup of tea and we spoke about so much. We eventually said goodnight. To one another and we went to sleep.

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I woke up felling sore. I had a massive migraine and my eyes were swollen. I went to check up on my sisters and saw that they weren't in their bed. I went to My mother's room and saw them playing with mom. I smiled and went up to them. "Morning" I groan, still sore. "Morning SkySky" Jasmine says with a smile on her face. "Morning Eli" Ari says, also with a smile in het face. She calls me Eli because my second name is Elijah and she says my first name too basic for her. "Morning my child" mom says, while brushing Jas's hair. They all looked so happy. I excused myself before calling Jade and Tyler.

They were sad to know that I've moved overnight, but they understood. They said that they will come and visit me now and then. I don't know why they were acting like this it's not like we not going to see them in school. I mean it's not that far. But imma need to take a few days off school.

I took a bath and just relaxed in there. I got out and mom made me a cup of Coffee. Just what I needed. I felt relieved being here, it felt like home. I took Jas and Ari shopping and we went to eat afterwards.

I decided to let the whole thing with Sergio(my father) go, since I knew nothing was going to come from it. Me and my sisters decided that we wanted to window shop a little more before going back home. As we enter one of the stores, I see the person I least expected to see... Drei. I internally rolled my eyes, thinking of our previous encounter. I've Decided to let bygones be bygones.

I successfully managed to avoid him during our time in the store. As me and my sister reach the registers, they decide to run around the store, embarrassing me. I know we said we only windowshopping , but come on who can say no to the cutest people on this planet? I pulled out of my thoughts when I here a loud crash. And yep, you've guessed it they've run over one of the nail polish cartons and spilled it on someone. Any guesses who that someone is? Yes it's Drei. 'Fuck my life' I think to myself as I make my way over to them.

"Sorry about that, my sisters had a lot of sugar before we came in here" I say sincerely. "Its okay, they're too cute to be mad at." He replies. His reply shocked me. I look at him in confusion, but quickly wipe the look off my face. "Oh no your shirt is damaged"  I look at the now damaged shirt. "Can I please make it up to you?" I ask. "Sure but not right now I've got somewhere to be." He says smiling.

Oh my gosh his smile is beautiful. Wait I did not just think that. Oh no. I know how this starts. I've known that I'm Bisexual since the age of 16. Everyone kept on telling me that I'm confused or that it's just a phase. Well guess what, it wasn't phase. It's hard being Bi, and I honestly don't think people speak about it enough. There's a lot that come with it. Especially when you have a homophobic father, And a toxic community. You can never be yourself, because of the fear of people finding out and using it against you, the fear that people will start to resent you, or even try and harm you. But I've learnt how to cope, how to be this person that everyone expects me to be . Not the person that I aspire to be. But what can we say? It's the world we live in these days.

I've wanted a lot of straight guys before, each of them hurting me in the process. Straight guys are really something else. And I have. A felling that Drei is no better. The feelings I get when I like a guy is the same as when I like a girl. I feel warm inside every time I see them. I'm nervous around them. I feel the need to impress them. I'm self conscious when I'm around them. And people say we are confused? People don't know what they're talking about. They don't understand that you can't choose who to love. That's your heart's job, and let's get one thing straight, you don't control your heart, your heart controls you.