If You Let Me

New beginnings

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I groaned in displeasure.
"Hello"
"Sky, do you want to come with us to the beach tonight to watch the fireworks."
"I don't really feel like it."
"Come on Sky, you haven't left the house since the funeral"
"I wonder why that is."
"Look Sky, I know you're hurting, but we miss you, and getting some fresh air will be good for you."
"Okay. I'll be there at like 9pm"
I say as I drop the call. I know that my friends had good intentions. But I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I reluctantly agreed, because It's new years and because my friends miss me. But I really wasn't in the mood for people.

I made my way to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I put on a playlist and took a bath. It felt so relaxing to just lay in the bath. I got out and made my way to the room. I put in a pair of sweatpants and a black hoodie. I walked out if my closet and took a look at how my room looked. It was a mess. There was clothes everywhere, cups and plates, glasses, everything. I was shocked to see how it looked. I was never this messy.

I started cleaning my room, and put everything back in its place. Once I was done, I opened the curtains and my windows. It felt like there was some premium oxygen in the room or something. I felt pleased with myself and looked at myself in the mirror. Everything's going to be okay.

I made my way down to the kitchen and put all my dishes in the dishwasher. "Morning my son." My mom spoke from behind me. "Morning mom." I say as I give her a hug. "How are you feeling." She asks. "I don't know honestly. But I'm trying to get through this." I say to her. She smiles at me and makes some coffee for us.

"Mom can I go to the beach with my friends later?" I ask. "Of course." She says, giving me a smile. We spoke a bit before I made my way to the lounge. I put on a movie and made some popcorn. Ari and Jas were happy to see me out of my room again. They stayed with me and we watched Frozen. They love this movie.

It was time for me to go meet Jade and them. I prepared myself for all the questions, and made my way downstairs. "Okay mom I'm leaving now!" I scream. "Okay, drive safe." She screams back from her room. "I will." I say as I make my way out of the door.

I got to the beech at 9:25. I called Jade and asked them where they were. The told me that they were at the pier. I made my way to the pier and saw them buying ice cream. "Heyyy" they all say I  unison. "Hi guys." I say, forcing a smile. They started asking me questions like "Are you okay?", "You'll get through this", etc. I simply just nodded at all they're questions, not wanting to speak about the situation.

We made our way into the beach and found a spot close to the water. I was eating the fries I bought while we were at the pier. I waited for the fireworks to start and eventually it did. They were beautiful. "3" "2" "1" "Happy New year!" Everyone screamed in unison. We all said happy New year to one another and sat down again. Everyone was laughing and enjoying the conversation. It felt like a breath if fresh air. I felt happy. Seeing all my friends smile, it made me happy. Maybe they were just what I needed.

I got home and found my mom waiting in the kitchen. "Happy New year mom." I say as I hug her. "Happy New year my son." She says. I made my way to my room and got on to the bed. I opened YouTube and put on a prayer before I slept. For the first time in a while, It felt like everything is actually going to be okay.

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I woke up early the next day, and got ready. I made some breakfast and made my way to the Graveyard. Once I got to Drei's grave, I sat down besides it.

"Happy New year sweetheart. I wish you could've been here with me. But like we all know, you don't always get what you want." I paused before continuing. "I know I'll never fully get over your death, but I'm willing to try and heal from it. I'm going try and live with it. I know you probably wouldn't want me to sulk over you forever, so I'm going to get better. For you. So for now, just watch over me, be my guardian Angel and protect me please. I love you." I say as I put the flowers on his grave and leave.

I know that everything happens for a reason. Why this had to happen? I don't know. But I know that God has something better planned for me. I know he has a way. So I'm just going to take each day as it comes. I'm going to university this year, so I'm looking forward to that. But for now, I need to start focussing on myself. If there's one thing that Drei has taught me, is that I need to stop trying to please people, and start pleasing myself. So that's what I'm going to do from now on. I'm no longer going care about people's opinions. That has brought me nothing but pain and trauma. I bottled up who I was for so long, scared of want people will say. But now? Now I don't give a Fuck. Their opinions meant nothing to me. The only person who's opinion mattered, was God's. And as long as God accepts me for who I am, then I am okay.