You remind me of my father, a magician. Able to exist in two places at once.
I woke up in an all white room that obviously wasn't my bathroom. I saw a tall bright figure of a man, he seemed to be looking at something. I walked over to him and before I could say anything he spoke.
"Beyoncé"
"Um who are you and where am I?"
"You don't recognize your father?"
"What" I quickly jumped back.
"You're heavenly father."
"Oh. Why did you bring me here am I dead??"
"No you're not dead Beyoncé"
I sighed. He finally turned around and knelt to my level, he used his index finger to lift my head up.
"Beyoncé I brought you here because I know you're going through a rough time. Everyday I hear your silent cries, wishes, and your hurting heart.
Beyoncé you don't know how beautiful you are, every piece of you I made with intent. You are exactly who I wanted you to be"
"What a murder? I'm surprised I even made it to heaven I don't deserve to be here"
"If I could change the way that you see yourself. You are very strong, you have the biggest heart, and the purest soul"
"Then why do you let everyone treat me so mean"
"Let me tell you the story of Job. He was one of my most loyal and obedient servant. He did no wrong but I still tested him and put him through trials and tribulations. Not because I hated him or didn't care for him.
But because I loved him. I knew going about life with no problems would be unrealistic and how could you testify without a testimony."
"hm"
"See in my eyes, a life with no conflict is meaningless and insignificant. Look at Jesus' life. Of course he lived and saw all things but the most significant part in his life was when he was hung. If it wasn't for his sacrifice and conflict the world wouldn't be what it is. Do you understand what I speaketh Beyoncé"
"Yea I guess so. But I screw everything up every time I try I make everything worse"
"Beyoncé I'm not asking you to conquer the world, I already did. All I ask is you be patient and gentle with yourself. Give yourself a little bit of the love you give others. I will warn you, your tribulations aren't over yet but they will end and I promise you will have the peace you deserve. The world will not end, everything will be alright. And everything will get better"
"Thank you"
He pulled me in for the deepest hug. I felt so safe.
"I love you my child and I am always listening to you"
I literally melted into his arms at the hear of that. That's all I ever wanted to hear. When I pulled away from the hug i was back in my bathroom.
I felt an excruciating pain run through my head and saw my dried blood on the walls and floors. I got up and searched my cabinets for Advil and took it. I washed the blood and dried up tears off my face and an unsettling feeling came over me.
I looked up in the mirror and it wasn't her it was him. He grabbed the small mirror and attempted to bash my head but i quickly ducked. He didn't stop there he grabbed the bar of my shower curtain and swung at me three times.
He missed a few times but hit me in my head hard enough to cause me to fall backwards. I screamed in pain as I hit my back directly on the side of the toilet. He stopped my screams as he grabbed me by my throat choking me and completely lifting me off the floor.
I cried and struggled to breathe hoping he'd stopped but knowing he wouldn't. He glared at me with an angry expression as he squeezed tighter. I tried kicking my legs but nothing was saving me. He forcefully threw me to the wall and kicked me in my face.
At this point my whole face was leaking and had swelled so bad I was unrecognizable. I spit out blood and he grabbed my face making me look at him"
"YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING HAPPENING TO YOU AND SOONER OR LATER YOULL BE IN THE BOTTOM OF THE PITS OF HELL RIGHTFULLY SUFFERING"
"No I won't!" I said weakly.
"SHUT THE F*CK UP! YOU DESERVE NOTHING YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SH*T" he kicked me again causing me to black out.
When I woke up this time I was in my bed, I tried getting up but my body was beyond sore. Next to me was a sleeping blue, I let out a relieved sigh and kissed my baby.
That made her stir in her sleep and eventually wake up.
"I didn't mean to wake you" I whispered softly.
"It's ok mama. Do you feel any better?"
"Mhm" I felt peace looking into my baby's eyes.
She snuggled in more to me and I kissed her forehead.
"Mama can you sing to me"
"Of course baby"
Sometimes these walls seem to cave in on me
When I look in your eyes, I feel alive.
Some days we say words that don't mean a thing
But when you holding me tight, I feel alive.
Make it last forever
Come on, baby, won't you hold on to me, hold on to me.
You and I together
Come on, baby, won't you hold on to me, hold on to me.
Blue.
