Mafia fascinations(2nd book in mafias obsession series)

chapter 8: Never want an ending

When you think of a comfort place where does your mind instantly go to? Does it go to a beach or a mountain? Does it go to a forest or the city? Or does it not go to a place at all? Instead does it go to a person? Does it go to a parental figure or a sibling? A lover or maybe a soulmate? 

My mind used to go to places like forests or the graveyard or simply going for car rides. However soon I realised it didn't matter where I went, instead it mattered who I was with. It only truly felt safe and comforting when I was with those I trusted and loved. 

My safe people changed a lot when I was a kid for many reasons, either they would die or leave or simply they would change. But for some reason I had a feeling that my current comfort people wouldn't change for a very long time.

The pitter patter on the windows, the flashes of lightening in the sky, the smell of the wet grass and humid air, the fast movements. Its all what came with the moment as I was held in a pair of arms that I trusted more than I knew I ever should. 

I used to trust no one, not even myself, definitely not myself. Everyone was seen as a threat, as danger, as someone who would use me and take everything they could until they had enough and would chuck me back on the street, waiting for the next manipulator to come by. A vicious cycle, thats all it was. No one truly cared for me as me, instead they cared about what I had to give them, if I had nothing they would find something to snatch away. 

I don't know why I trust them. I know I shouldn't. Eventually they'll end up like the rest, at least that's what my mind tells me. My mind tells me I should run away, that I'm making a big mistake for trusting them. But my heart and soul? The two parts of my body I know I shouldn't trust but I can't help but do so? Now that's the problem. They are the two parts of me that don't only want me to stay but need me to. I've thought about leaving more times than I can count, but anytime I come close I just can't. 

Their my weakness. My guilty pleasure. My fantasy. My saviours. Whatever the hell you wanna call it, their that. 

I know if they end up like the others, I wouldn't even be able to blame them. In my eyes they can do nothing wrong, in my heart I can't tell them no and in my soul I feel like their my destiny. 

I look up at the face that belongs to the person I know could so easily break my heart and I would do nothing to stop it.

"Yes my dove?" her voice sounds so sweet, so innocent, it draws you in and you can't do anything to stop it. 

I was broken once by someone who seemed the same; innocent, pure, seemingly unable to do anything to hurt anyone. Would she be the same or would she be different? 

I reached up and placed a kiss on her lips, if she was gonna eventually break me then I might as well enjoy the moments before she does. 

I felt safe in her arms, calm and at peace. But wasn't that what predators did? Wait until their prey felt at peace and then when it least expects it coming, pounces. I was either gonna be safe with them forever or go through one of the worst heartbreaks I had ever felt. 

I had proved over and over again that I would do anything for them with no questions asked. My soul and mind weren't mine, if they ever were in the beginning their definitely not now. My soul, mind, heart, every part of me belongs to them. It was there decision of what they did with it; break it, destroy it, love it. Whatever they choose was up to them. 

Maybe they would take it easy on me or maybe they would take pleasure in my pain. The thing was I didn't care how they would act, I was theirs, theirs to do anything with. I was simply the puppet, the doll, the pet, and they were the owners. 

Who exactly were? Who were they? The two people that society feared, yet I loved more than anything even if I knew it was wrong. Lye Vendetta and Sadie Azrail, my owners, my controllers, my keepers. Heartbreakers to the world but protectors to me. They were what everyone wanted, yet for some reason they choose me. I don't know why they would choose me out of all the people they ever could, but I was gonna enjoy it. I was gonna enjoy every moment I had with them, whether that was forever or a brief moment of time. 

It took all my willpower to not say "your gonna break me aren't you", so instead of risking saying anything at all, I stared out the window instead. I saw people go on with their life, normal people. 

People who seemingly didn't have the same thoughts that I did, people who seemingly were what society wanted, people that seemingly grew up in a normal house, with a normal family and a normal life. In other words the people were what I could never be. The word normal felt like a slur, it felt so different from myself that it didn't even seem like it existed in the first place. Did it? Did normal exist? Or was it simply a word created by society to keep things in control. Almost everyone wanted to be normal, and those that didn't were seen as a flaw to society.

"Ti amo mi amore" I love you. They were simple words that came from the second heartbreaker's lips, with a simple meaning. Yet I questioned if the meaning was truthful, did he love me? Those words were used by manipulators continuously, it was the easiest way to do so. To make someone completely under your power. Everyone craved to be loved, if someone told you they didn't, they were lying. Love was a normal human feeling, a feeling everyone needed to survive. If you didn't feel love you would go mental. That's why those that don't would do anything for it. Every person in my life had told me they loved me, yet I doubt the amount that truly meant it would take up more than a hand. 

I wanted them love to me. I needed them to love me. I would do anything for it. But I wondered if they ever would. 

The movement of the vehicle got faster and the rain started to sound heavier. It felt like we were escaping all negativity and going to a world that belonged to only us. A world we could survive in for eternity and love eachother forever. A world where no one could judge us. A world where the only two emotions were happiness and love.

"Anchio ti amo tesoro" I love you too treasure "and the same goes for you pretty girl, I love you both more than anything" Truth. That's all my words held. It was a like a confession I made over and over again and probably would never stop confessing. It was like I was the worshipper and they were my Gods. If they were my gods I would never stop believing and worshipping them, it would be my entire purpose in life.