Mafia fascinations(2nd book in mafias obsession series)

chapter 32: Trapped in my own fucked up mind.

They left, and somehow it felt like I'd lost myself, like they'd taken the only part of me that still knew how to feel. I knew at the end of the day this was my fault, my fault for giving into temptation, my fault for falling for lies, my fault for falling in love when I knew eventually all it would bring would be pain and suffering.

"Why would you do this to us Allia? And most of all why would you lie about it?" The pain in his eyes, deepened mine. I hated that he believed the words of the cruel person beside me. Yet maybe the only evil person in this world was me. Maybe my parents were right to be disappointed in me. I was selfish, idiotic and better off dead.

"I didn't lie! Mi amore please listen to me!" I screamed out the words in desperation. Creed had told them that I was the one who went to him, when in reality he was the one that kissed me first. I needed them to listen, needed them to forgive me. Needed something, anything other than this.

"It's Gray, Allia." His words felt like a knife impaled into my heart.

"Please.." I whispered the words, my tears now shamelessly falling. I wished he had said something, even if his words were cruel, it would have been better than the nothingness that he gave me.

Instead what he did was turn his back and get back into his car in silence. Sadie gave me one more look of sorrow, before getting in the car too. I hated that I had made Gray angry, but I hated even more that I had broken Sadie's heart. How dare I hurt them. How dare I hurt the two people I cared most about in this world.

I was selfish. Heartless. A worthless waste of space.

They were my everything, and now they were gone. The world felt empty, everything felt wrong. What was I to do without them? Before I questioned whether I would have to pick between who I loved, but now I had no choice. They were all gone. Every single person I had loved had seen another side of me in some form or another and hated me. My existence felt pointless, if I had no one to live for why should I?

"princess.." Lye says softly and i look up to see him standing over me and i instantly hug him, ignoring any fears i may have and just wanting to feel his arms around me. "your ok.." He mumbles, holding me tightly.
"poor sweet boy over here has been worrying non-stop about you" Sadie says softly.
"you have? And i'm ok handsome, well as ok as i can be.." I say, trying to reassure him slightly.
"mhm..I just don't want you to be hurt" he confesses.

"I can and I just did. Now no complaining. If it was up to me I'd buy you a whole house filled of luxury items for you, but since I can't do that I'll settle for a closet" He tells me, acting like the £7000 worth items he just put in the trolley is nothing. He leans in and kisses me softly, a smile on his lips.
"Your an idiot you know that.." I mumble.
"If I'm an idiot then I'm your idiot beautiful" He tells me with a smile.

"Like it?" I ask, Lye's and Sadie's expression instantly being worried. "I love it!" I squealed.
I couldn't hold back my happy squeal any longer. They not only put in time to take me on a date but also decided they would take me somewhere I would love. I felt more appreciated than I ever have.
Lye opens the door of the skyscraper building for me and Sadie and I practically skip inside, extremely excited.

Our walk started off casually, before I took her hand in mine, a small smile appearing as I had my thumb stroke against her hand in a way of calm love.
We arrived at a meadow and I stopped to pick a flower for her, placing it behind her ear and gazing at her beauty. For a moment I was worried she would find it cringe, but as soon as she looked up at me with her loving eyes I knew she found it cute instead.

"Rise" Lye told me and I did so, my legs were hurting but I couldn't care less about it. Was the process over?
"Welcome to the dark side" Liver's words and small laugh made me realise that my assumption was correct.
Lye and Sadie both gave me a soft kiss and thoughts of the decision I just made crossed my mind.

All these memories now meant nothing. It felt impossible to have my mind process what was actually happening. What had happened. The fact that I had lost the people who had promised to stay forever. I knew it was the consequences of my own actions, but fuck it hurt.

Shivers ran down my spine and I didn't know whether it was because of how cold I was or because of the man standing very close to me.

"Hi beautiful~" he slurred. Looking at him made me feel even more comfortable, his hair was completely matted, his teeth were a bright yellow and his eyes screamed danger. For once I had no one to protect me and i had no possible strength to fight back.

Was he gonna kidnap me? Sell me to someone? Try to break me even more? Truthfully the only reason I prayed he wouldn't sell or kidnap me was the worry it would stop my plans of suicide.

Looking at him I was sure my eyes were filled with hopelessness. Maybe he would take pity on me and leave me alone? I highly doubted it though.

Much to my surprise, he seemed to do exactly that. He walked away and left me on my own. Although I had hoped he would, a part of me now regretted it. Now I was alone with my thoughts. The most dangerous thing in the world, or at least in my life.

All I knew was I kept screaming until my throat hurt. How did I mess everything up in a single second. Eventually I walked over to the end of the cliff, ready to jump.

But before I could every part of scenery changed. I was in a kitchen, a knife in hand. I felt I couldn't move at all, my eyes being the only thing that could. My eyes scanning the room I was in with fear. Where was I?

"Allia. Allia. Allia." I knew my name was being called by someone but I couldn't move. "Allia." Eventually I came back to reality, turning to see Blade next to me.

His hand wrapped around mine "give me the knife Allia." He stated and I let go, the knife dropping to the floor before I did too. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, but I was still in shock, confused about everything.

"Shh, your ok, your safe" he sat beside me, wrapping an arm around me. "Your ok" he told me softly, allowing me to cry in his arms. I was ok, but truthfully I felt I didn't deserve it to only be a paralyzed thought. I had deserved the pain.

"Your ok" he repeated, wiping away my tears. "How about you message that boy. Shaun I think his name was?" He passed me my phone and I nodded softly. Before he stood up, I grabbed his wrist softly.

"Stay" I felt I needed someone next to me. I thought he would leave but instead he stayed beside me, giving me the company I needed as I messaged Shaun. 'Can we talk'.