Mafia fascinations(2nd book in mafias obsession series)

Chapter 2: The dreams of a wishful thinker

What are dreams? What are hopes? And what are wishes? 

Dreams are defined as aspirations, ambitions, or ideals. Hopes are defined as a feeling of expectations and desires for a particular thing to happen. And wishes? Well that's the most fascinating of them all. Wishes are the feelings or expressions of a strong desire for something that cannot or probably will not happen. 

Why would anyone want to have wishes when there is a higher chance of it not happening than the possibility that it might? Well that is simply answered by how the human mind thinks. The human mind does not care how little or big the chance of something happening is, they simply care that there is a chance at all. That minor chance means all the world to the mind and keeps the feeling of ambition alive, no matter how far fetched the reasoning may be.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Fern's voice brought me out of my thoughts. Fern was one of my closest friends, she had helped me in many ways before and i trusted her with information i wouldn't dare tell anyone else. No matter what i told her she would never judge me and i was always grateful for that. 

"If you don't want to do this you don't have to" Summer, known as one of the sweetest and purest girls I've ever met, so much so that it made me wonder how she ever got herself into this situation, spoke with her kindness.

"I want to do it. I don't just want to, I need to. Just because of everything that happened doesn't mean i want my entire life to be flushed away because of it. I had dreams when I was younger and I'm determined to accomplish at least one of them" Dreams. It was that word again. The word that determined how people would live their lives. 

"If your sure you want to then we won't stop you. We got our college experience, you deserve the right to get yours too" Fern answered me with a smile. She was always so supportive of me, it's what made me like her so much. Dare I say even love her.

"Well if your set on this decision then it's only right that you look your best" The only way to describe the girl that the voice belonged to was confident, rich and successful. She was the type of girl other's wished to be but could never achieve so much to their level.

She layed three outfits on the bed "pick your favourite."

The options were between; a white long sleeved turtleneck and black skirt, a white top, pink skirt and pink jacket, that looked like it came directly out of the movie clueless, and a black turtleneck dress with a white cardigan. 

"Zara, I'm going to college not a fashion show" The outfits looked like they would be worn by a model, which was something I was far from. 

"And that means you can't look your best?" 

I sighed as I knew she was correct, why should I settle for anything less than the best?

"This one" I said as I picked up the first outfit, it was the simplest one of them all but it looked the best to me. The simplicity is what I loved most about it. I didn't want to stand out too much as I hated drawing too much attention to myself. 

I know what that may sound like, the exact pick me right? The girl who says she doesn't want to stand out too much, yet craves the attention from every boy she passes. The girl who laughs at every joke boys make, just so they'll like her. The girl who makes fun of others and makes them feel guilty, simply because she's not the only girl on the planet. In other words, the exact line that comes from a pick me.

But it was nothing but the truth, I hated the attention because it would mean that everyone could so easily pick out my flaws.

When someone looked at another they would so easily see their perfections, but if they stared for too long they would start to see all the things that weren't so perfect. Maybe their shirt was creased, maybe they had a stain on their outfit, maybe they looked too tired and had bags under their eyes. Or maybe it was so simple as a strand of their hair being out of place, but there's always something. Always something that made them not live up to the standards of society.

That was one of my worst fears of all. Everyone finding out every little mistake I made, every little flaw I had, every imperfection, which I knew I had many of. If i blended into the crowd then very few people could see them, there wouldn't be as many eyes on me making my skin crawl in the worst ways possible.

"It'll look beautiful on you, everything always does" I heard the gorgeous voice of my girlfriend from behind me. She was doing my hair like she always did, at first it was just a kind gesture, now it was a routine for us. The best routine.

"Thank you my love" I smiled up at her, she smiled back at me and I couldn't help but feel my heart light up at it. Sadie's smile was the most beautiful one I had ever seen. 

"Well we'll leave you to get changed" Fern stated and she, Summer and Zara walked out of the room, leaving me with Sadie. 

"Nervous?" She asked me as I was fiddling with the outfit I had just put on. 

"How could you tell?" I looked at her reflection in the mirror. 

"I'm your girlfriend star, it's my job to know when something's up" She kissed my cheek lightly "I'm sure everything will go well" I just hoped she was right.

Sadie and our boyfriend, Lye, offered to drop me off on the college grounds but I insisted on going by myself. I needed the time to think. To think about how the day would go, to think about if i was making the right choice, to think about if I was sure this was the right career path. Truthfully I was terrified that maybe this wasn't my destiny, that I was making the wrong decision. Was I really that sure on this decision?

Of course I was sure. I had wanted this job and degree since late childhood, I wanted to be an editor. There were so many other paths I wanted to go down, but none of them seemed right. For a while I was dead set on becoming a bodyguard, until I realised my mental health would interfere with that decision. When it came to film editing there was nothing that could stop me. No way someone could crush my dreams, no way someone could say something and most of all no way my mental health would get in the way.

I had so many dreams as a kid, but then again what kid didn't. I wanted to be a musician, a dancer, an actor. So many different paths I could have gone down, some I probably still could. But I knew what truly was right for me.

I looked up, seeing the college building. The walls were made of stone, and the campus looked big enough for at least two mansions, maybe three. But what stood out most was the massive sign with the college name, the one thing that indicated that it had only recently been rebuilt.

People were walking in and out, going in all different directions. There must have been at least a thousand students, so many people with their own beliefs, own dreams, own thoughts and feelings. I could feel my heart pounding through my chest, so many people that could take one look at me and see who I truly was.

I closed my eyes for a moment, focusing on my breathing and trying to calm my anxiety. If there was one thing I knew about school, it was the fact that I had to mask myself as a normal person so others wouldn't see who I truly was behind the wall. Eventually I walked to the front desk, keeping my head down and hoping I was blending in with the crowd. 

"Name" The woman at the desk looked so unbothered, not recognising me as an individual but simply as another number. I smiled at that thought. I was simply a number here, I blended in well enough to be seen as nothing else.

"Allia Dian" I answered confidently and was handed my timetable. My life was now in the hands of this school, I only hoped I had made the right choice.