Mafia fascinations(2nd book in mafias obsession series)

chapter 23: I need you dummy

LYE'S POV:

It's been three days. Three days since the love of my life has disappeared, my sadness and worry has already transformed into anger and my desperation has become something so extreme that no word can describe it. The last time I had saw her she had told me she would be gone for the day. I should have gone with her, I should have never let her go alone. This was my fault. My fault for allowing her to be alone for so long. 

I needed her. She was my everything and now she was gone. Where was she? God please don't let her be dead. Please have her be ok. Please. I don't care if she'll hate me for the rest of her life. Hate me my love, hate me forever. Just please come home and be safe. Please.

I couldn't do this without her, Sadie wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know how I could comfort her when I was like this. If she never returned what would it mean for me and Sadie? Would I be able to be with her whilst Allia was the only thing I could think of. It was us, us forever, us three. And now she was gone. I didn't want to think like that, I really fucking didn't but what if reality was like that? What if she'd never return? What if I lost my soulmate?

I tried finding her in my dreams, tried looking for everywhere, but she wasn't even there. It was like she had completely disappeared from everything in a heartbeat. Had I done something? Was it all too much for her that she felt like running away was the only way to handle it all? Didn't she say me and Sadie were her reason for living? So where was she?

"Gray we'll find her. We did before, we'll find her again" Creed tried comforting me but it only resulted in me thinking how it would feel to smash his head against the wall.

"Where is she Creed? Where the fuck is she?" I almost yelled at him, finding tears in my eyes once again.

Fuck baby girl, I can't do this without you. Please.

"I don't know mate, but we'll find her" he tried reassuring me but it was clear that he didn't know. He was as doubtful as me, maybe not as worried but just as doubtful as I was.

Sadie refused to even look at me, I mean it was hardly like she could. Her eyes were too blurry to do so, she kept saying things over and over, saying how she could've done better, saying the things I was feeling. I hated that she felt that it was her fault, if it was anyone's it was mine, she shouldn't be blaming herself for it. I wish I could tell her, but no words other than anger would come out. I didn't want her, so instead I stayed silent around her.

I just wanted to tell her how sorry I was, but my voice wouldn't do so, my voice felt like it was betraying me. Everything was betraying me, my voice, my body, my thoughts. Everything.

Was this how Allia felt when she was feeling extremely suicidal? Was this what I couldn't save her from? Was this what she was thinking in her last moments? Fuck. I needed my thoughts to shut the fuck up. My thoughts were being evil towards me, well evil felt like a childish word to how it truly felt.

I missed her, I missed her more than anything. Her scent, her touch, her voice.

I felt like a kid crying like this, I hadn't cried this much since I lost someone I refused to mention unless it was a good thing. Max had left me multiple messages, asking repeatedly why I hadn't answered her. But I couldn't do so, I couldn't at this moment, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Would she comfort me if she found out that Allia was missing? Or would she tell me that she told me so? Told me to be more careful with my heart, told me to be more careful with who I fell for. If she did such a thing, I was afraid I would kill her for it. Then there would be even more pain, or would the pain cancel each other out?

"Blade what news do you have?" He was sending people out to look for her every half hour, looking everywhere for her and tracking every camera he could. Nothing. Nothing came of it, so I felt nothing but cravings for her.

"Nothing Gray, you know I'll tell you if we get even a slight glimpse of anything" how in the fuck did she completely disappear like this? It was like she never existed in the first place, the only thing keeping me in a mindset that she did was everyone around me. I was sure if I didn't have them I would have thought she was just a part of my fantasy, it would make sense with how perfect she was.

"Then look more." I needed sleep. I needed to lay down and close my eyes for a few moments, but after realising that I couldn't find her in my dreams, sleep felt pointless. If I didn't dream about them or Sadie then it was nightmares. Nightmares I hated, nightmares that felt like I couldn't escape from them, nightmares that made me want to scream but live in fearful silence.

Sadie came over to me and wrapped her arms around me, it was the only way we could provide each other a tiny bit of comfort. We said nothing but simply heled each other, taking comfort in each others touch, neither of us knew what was gonna come of things, but it was nice to have her. She was my only source of comfort currently and I suppose I was hers. We just needed to find her, even if it was her body, I just needed closure on the situation. Closure so I could decide what would come next.

All I could do was beg all the Gods out there to bring her back to me and pray that she was ok and we could go back to normal. I wanted to be able to protect her again, that was always what I wanted. To be able to protect her, she was too precious to not be protected.

Come back to me baby girl, please.