Mafia fascinations(2nd book in mafias obsession series)

chapter 20: rose from the dead?

ALLIA'S POV:

When a letter is addressed to you from a dead person what exactly do you do? Do you burn it and ignore it ever came or do you read it in the false hope that the person may still be alive? What if you have no proof that their dead other than words that came from untrustworthy police?

"Good morning princess" I heard the whisper of my boyfriend's  voice, how come he was up before me? What had I dreamt about and what time was it? Welcome to the mind of an overthinker, your brain never shuts the fuck up.

Although it was morning my body felt exhausted, I don't remember what we had done yesterday. And I didn't know if I felt exhausted because of whatever could have happened or because I had killed too many people to count in the past month. However what I did know, was I just wanted today to be a day of rest. One where I could cuddle in the arms of the two people I felt safest with, one where I didn't have to worry about anything other than their arms around me. Maybe I was being to fantastical though, rest kind of felt impossible recently.

"Do we have to get up..?" My voice was so sleepy that I could hardly recognise it. 

"How about you stay cuddled with Zay and i'll go make us some breakfast?" he tried to suggest, but I refused to let go of his arm, shaking my head softly "then what do you want little one?" 

"Cuddles" I mumbled, trying to pull him back to beside me, whining by being unable to.

"ok ok, calm baby, you'll get your cuddles" he chuckled, finally giving in to me and laying back beside me. The feeling of being in between the both of them and being held was a feeling I couldn't get from anything else. The way he ran his fingers through my hair, it made me feel that everything would always be ok. When I had the both of them by my side it was, I could survive anything when i had them. Truthfully they were my anchor that helped me continue to live, my anchor that I would always need and didn't even want to imagine without. 

"You know your adorable baby girl" he murmured against my hair, making me curl into him more, shaking my head softly. He always said that, always said I was adorable but I could never agree to it. Maybe part of the reason was the fact that I could never take a compliment, I wasn't allowed to. As a kid my birth mum would always tell me it was selfish to do so, to think of myself anything other than ugly. The only people who thought otherwise was my nana and aunts, but they weren't always around to tell me any different. I suppose that maybe that was another sign of my mum's mental health, mental issues that I wish I could help with but I was sure I just made it worst. Maybe that's why she regretted having me.

With the way my thoughts were going I was sure I would end up crying soon. Crying was the worst way to be vulnerable, and although it was only me and the people I trusted most in the world in the room, I still didn't want to show that vulnerability. Suddenly the door bell rang and i almost thanked Satan out loud for saving me from my own mind. 

Before Lye could get up to answer it, I practically ran for the door. Throwing the door open, I saw no one standing there. Looking around in confusion, but finding nothing, I turned around ready to go back in. It was probably just some ding dong ditchers or something, it wasn't like it was an uncommon game and I highly doubted everyone knew who the house belonged to. 

The violet envelope in front of me told me different. The envelope looked like it was suited for a princess with the golden ribbon and silver writing. Why was such an important looking letter at my doorstep. And most of all why was it addressed to me? A part of me wanted to believe it was a part of a fairytale and I was the long lost princess, a dream younger me was so persistent on and would write every part of the storyline on. 

As i opened the letter a flower dropped my feet. A rose. I loved roses because it was my nana's favourite flower, truthfully I loved a lot of things because of her. Maybe it was my way of keeping her close and being able to always have her on my mind. Her favourite flower, her favourite colour, her favourite biscuit, her favourite scent. Every favourite of hers was mine. Was my way of coping practically becoming the person I mourned? 

Opening the letter and reading the words shock overwhelmed me, I wanted to throw it away and completely ignore it. The words written were impossible but was anything truly impossible? I didn't know what to feel, was i to follow my heart or my mind? My mind told me this was just some dark prank someone was pulling on me so I would fall for it and end up more broken than I already was, but my heart persisted on believing it. My heart told me that little me was right and this was the proof I needed, my heart told me to trace the address down and appear at it. 

Was it stupid to so desperately want to listen to my heart even if deep down I knew it was false? Was i childish for wanting such things to be true? Was I stupid for not caring? Was I stupid for wanting to believe so desperately? For wanting to think that this was a story like cinderella or peter pan? I mean if fairytales got such a happy ever after why couldn't I? 

I continued to stare at the silver ink, questioning all of my morals and beliefs that i ever had. If someone wanted to pull a prank on me it would be impossible for them to do this right? I mean it was impossible for anyone to know how much this would affect me. The only people that knew about this was myself, my brother and my therapist and neither my brother or therapist would dream of doing such a thing.

Dear Allia,

I know this letter may be strange and impossible to believe but i'm alive. I know you must have so many questions and doubting all of this but i can prove and answer all your questions. Just come to this address and trust me. I love you. 

Sincerely, Janice Dian