Mafia fascinations(2nd book in mafias obsession series)

chapter 11: Hello old friend

"Max, my partner" Lye's words rang through my ears, not because I didn't know he had another partner, but because I had been worrying about meeting them ever since I met Lye. I had always wondered and planned what I would say if I ever met them, but now that they were stood in front of me I was speechless.

"Max, it's good to see you again" Sadie smiled at them, but Lye seemed nervous by the situation.

"I've heard about you Allia" Was she judging me?

"Oh? What have you heard?" I was finally able to speak, curious of what she was gonna say next.

"Just things" She smiled but I was unsure if it was a real smile or not. "May I talk to you for a second.. alone." She gave pointed looks to both Sadie and Lye.

"I don't think that's-"

"Sure" I replied, cutting Lye off, wanting to know what she truly thought and what she wanted to say without filtering it.

"Allia I don't-" Lye looked at me with worried eyes, but I needed to know.

"It's just a conversation my love. What's the worst that could happen?" I tried reassuring him, kissing his cheek lightly. Knowing he couldn't do anything, he shot Max a look and guided Sadie somewhere else, having his hand on her lower back.

As soon as they were out of view Max turned to me with a smile, this time one I knew was fake "Now that their gone I want to make something very very clear" She leaned in closer to me, so she could whisper in my ear "Lye is mine. Don't think just because you can trick him, you'll be able to trick me." 

Taking a step back I simply smiled at her, truthfully I found it sweet that she was so protective of him. "I don't want to steal him away from you, and I wouldn't dream of purposely harming him. I love that your protective of him and in all honesty I get it, I don't want anyone to hurt him either. I love that your so clearly in love with him and I would never want that to change, I'm simply here to show him love too, not because you can't give him enough love, but because I can't stay away from him, neither can I stop loving him" 

Once I had finished a shocked expression appeared on her face, before she went back to her mask. 

"Now I suppose your not gonna want to be around me, so I'm gonna leave, but if you want to ever grab a coffee and start over or anything like that then here's my number" Writing down my number on a napkin I grabbed from a table. Keeping the smile on my face I passed her the napkin and walked off to find Lye and Sadie.

I stared down at my hands in shock, they were covered in a disturbing yet intriguing colour, a colour that was bold and powerful, a colour that could mean many things. Red. I had missed this feeling, the feeling of nothingness, the feeling of no guilt or remorse, the feeling where I didn't think at all. What such a beautiful thing nothingness could be.

I looked around the room, almost positive that my eyes were as dead as my feelings were, the room that I had completed my first mission in. I should be scared, guilty, begging and praying any god that could hear me for forgiveness. But instead I felt what I wanted to, not what I was supposed to.

I wondered if I passed, if I was good enough, if I would care if I was.

My mission was easy, yet to most it was one that could easily send them into a heart attack. Send them to hospital for weeks, maybe months. My mission was to get in and out quickly. To shoot the arrow, cover my tracks and get out of there so fast that it would be like I never went there in the first place.

 My mission simply existed so I could be tested, so others would see if I had enough skill for them or not. If I was good enough or not. That part humoured me, I had always been told that no one was judging, no one was seeing if I was good enough for them. That me being myself already made me good enough. Yet now I was right, people were judging. People were comparing me to others. People were treating me like I was less than human, what a familiar thing that was. It was like I was a movie and they were simply watching so they could give me a rating out of 5. 

A sound filled the room, a sound that interrupted the complete silence, a sound that I was so familiar with yet didn't recognise at all. Now looking around the room more, my hands weren't the only thing that was red. No, the carpet, the walls, the furniture, all of it was red too. It was like a blood bath, one that filled my emptiness with excitement, or maybe it was something more than excitement. 

Although all the red had given me a feeling I didn't want to disappear, I still seemingly had sunk to my knees and started scrubbing at the red. Desperate for it to go away, yet also desperate for it not to, having two completely different needs. Of course I did, you could almost always count on me to have conflicting feelings, no wonder I was so confusing and complicated to society. I was never able to pick between one thing or another especially when it came to wants, needs and emotions. Emotions were stupid. Who wanted them anyway?  They were simply things that destroyed you, destroyed whatever you had left of yourself. 

That's why I liked this moment, I was almost certain it was why I did everything I could to get to a moment like this. I didn't care if it was only a second, I needed it, a moment where I felt nothing. A moment where I felt like I was further gone than death. The only remaining part of me in this sort of moment was my giggle that showed almost everyone had psychotic I was. I knew I was psychotic, that I was better off being locked away from the world, that I was a danger to others and myself. Society wanted me to be locked away, but what good would that bring? I was more of a danger to myself than anyone else, I mean sure I had just killed someone but that didn't make me more of a danger to others. Did it? 

Of course it didn't, it just made me passionate that's all. Passionate, yes that was the right word for this. Passion, fascination, psychosis, they all sounded like synonyms to me. Looking down at the dead body in front of me, the body that no longer had souls existing within it, the body that had eyes that looked almost as dead as mine, the body that had an arrow shot right through the heart, I knew I had completed my mission right. 

But to what cost? Did it cost my last piece of humanity, part of my soul, my emotions of guilt which was the second worst emotion in the world. Or did it cost none at all or maybe it costed all of it? 

Unsurprisingly I didn't care what it cost, I would kill over and over if it gave me this satisfaction. It felt even better than when I sliced open my skin and had blood drip down my arm. My giggle got louder and louder and louder until I was sure it spread to every room, good thing the others had already left. I was left alone with my thoughts, imagination and anything else I had. A huge mistake that was.