Dive into Temptation [ManxBoy]

57. Manipulation

A/N: Okay. I decided to cut this chapter into two parts as well... So, enjoy, I guess. That means there are still 6 more chapters after this one...

So sorry for the late update! I've been really busy moving and I hate it and am very stressed. I will be all moved in at the end of the month, then updates should resume their frequency.

~*~

Nearly a week had passed since my argument with Ryan. It was evident that he had no desire to talk to me, having changed his schedule at Vitality Fitness so I no longer crossed paths with him during my shifts. I hadn't even encountered him in class yet, as I had skipped the lectures we shared, pretending I was still away on my trip. Thankfully, my professors allowed me to complete my schoolwork online, which I preferred over in-person classes anyway. But the looming possibility of facing him again filled me with dread.

The absence of Ryan left an uncomfortable ache in my chest. It wasn't a feeling of heartbreak, just a heavy sense of loss, maybe even disappointment. Growing up, I had always felt somewhat detached from people, subconsciously preparing myself for the inevitable loss of their friendship. I had never been able to keep a best friend for more than a year, and Ryan had only been a significant presence in my life for nearly two years. So maybe a part of me had never truly expected him to stay, despite our physical connection.

I couldn't help but feel ashamed when thoughts of our experimental affair crossed my mind. I hoped Ryan wasn't thinking about it as much as I was. I hated that I had given myself to him so... shamelessly. The memory of it made me cringe with embarrassment. He had labeled me a whore, and maybe he was right, if engaging in a purely physical relationship without any romantic attachment could be seen that way. But was it really so wrong to seek pleasure? I guess if it caused harm to others. But what Lily and Rosie didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

I exhaled deeply, feeling like the world's biggest asshole. I pulled out my phone, my gaze fixating on the last texts between Ryan and me. His words of apology for bringing Rosie, followed by my request for him to stay over. A weight settled in my chest, a mix of regret and longing, as I contemplated reaching out. But pride and embarrassment held me back; I wasn't ready to face him, not yet.

I flicked through my phone to Instagram, my curiosity tipping into a desire to snoop on Ryan's recent life. But I was immediately greeted with his new profile picture–-him and Rosie, grinning ear to ear. It was like a punch to the gut, fanning the embers of my anger into a blaze. I slammed my phone down, fighting the bitterness threatening to take root in my heart.

Despite my efforts, a sliver of resentment towards Ryan lingered. It wasn't just anger over his hurtful words; I felt abandoned. He had left me with Dominic, actually encouraging me to enjoy my time with him, knowing exactly how cruel Dom could be, going as far as saying Dom and I deserved each other. That I deserved Dom... and essentially what Dom had done to me. Ryan really tried to claim that he thought he was protecting me, but now that just felt like bullshit.

It was difficult to keep the anger in me from boiling over as my thoughts became increasingly twisted. With every recollection of Ryan's biting words, his happy new profile picture, and his altered work schedule to avoid me, I felt discarded. He had thrown me away without a second thought, and was happily with Rosie. It made me wonder if maybe I was right in that he had been using our affair as nothing more than a means to explore his sexuality.

The anger I harbored towards Dominic for the hickey he left was like a fire I couldn't quench. The older man was still unable to grasp why his actions were so wrong, and it infuriated me. I had been keeping my bedroom door locked every night since that day. Despite this, Dominic's longing was obvious with his sly touches and fleeting kisses when we crossed paths in the house. He thankfully didn't dare to press the issue of my nightly barricade, likely thinking it wise to allow me the space to simmer down.