Dive into Temptation [ManxBoy]

60. Unnatural Fixation

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️

A/N: This chapter will briefly contain elements of suicidal ideation.

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I couldn't hold back the torrent of tears streaming down my face. What had I done to deserve this? I had shattered every relationship that mattered. Ryan had walked out of my life. I had betrayed Lily in the most unforgivable way, and there was no undoing the damage. I had slept with her husband, and now I was ensnared in this nightmare. The weight of my actions crushed me, leaving me in a pit of despair I couldn't escape.

The crushing weight of Dominic's abuse came crashing down on me, an avalanche of anger, pain, and devastation. A raw, uncontrollable sob tore from my lips. I buried my face into my pillow, its fabric quickly soaking up my relentless tears as the sobs wracked my body. I curled up tighter under my blanket, desperately trying to stifle the flood of emotion, but it was futile. The anguish was all-consuming, swallowing me whole.

I hadn't even been in bed for a minute when my phone buzzed, the sound slicing through my misery like a knife. My heart immediately turned cold with fear. It couldn't be Ryan. That left only Dom or Lily. With trembling hands, I wiggled around, reaching into my pocket to free my phone. Dom's name flashed on the screen, sending a chill down my spine.

'I will hurt them if you ever try to leave me again.' It read.

My heart plummeted into my stomach. I was utterly trapped. Would Dom really hurt Lily and the baby? The thought seemed impossible. I had never seen Dominic's violence directed at Lily; the mere idea was unthinkable. But was he so obsessed with me that he would resort to such violence? The fear and doubt gnawed at me, leaving me feeling even more helpless and alone.

My world was spiraling out of control, leaving me feeling trapped and utterly devastated. My heart ached with a fierce intensity, and I hated Dom with a burning passion for doing this to me. The hatred only made my sobs come harder. My chest and throat hurt as I cried, and I couldn't remember ever crying so hard. It felt like I was drowning in a sea of despair, each tear a testament to the betrayal and pain that consumed me. I wanted it all to end.

Then, a sudden, dark thought intruded, halting my sobs for a moment, its allure something I had never considered before. Why didn't I just end things? By removing myself from the equation. Entirely. It felt like my only escape. If I were dead, I wouldn't hurt anybody, and I wouldn't have to deal with Dominic's shit anymore. Lily would never have to know what I did to betray her. And Ryan would be happy knowing I wasn't with Dominic anymore. The thought was both terrifying and strangely comforting, offering a twisted sense of hope that this torment could finally end.

But I knew I couldn't do that. The only way I'd want to kill myself was with a gun so that I could end it all in an instant. But I didn't have access to one.

By now, I felt like I deserved the pain of being with Dom. All the hurt I caused to those around me, driven by my own selfish reasons, weighed heavily on my conscience. I had shamelessly enjoyed my time with Dom, so the pain I was feeling now seemed like a fitting consequence, and well deserved. Dominic's abuse felt like a twisted form of retribution, a way to balance the scales. It was as if I was punishing myself by being Dominic's, accepting the suffering as my due.

As I drifted deeper into my thoughts, a sudden knock jolted me back to reality. I ignored it, my back firmly turned to the door. If it was Dom coming to apologize, he could go to hell. The door creaked open slowly, the sound echoing in the silence. I tried to steady my trembling body, hoping to hide my tears. But then, I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, warm and reassuring, breaking through my defenses.