Fated Or Doomed

My Own Darkness

Liv

       

      I can't explain the wrenching pain I feel at this moment. I thought I could do it. That I can be strong. Do better and over come it all. For myself at least.

      I was doing good. I was doing so good, I thought.

      I held in any anger that tried to lash out. But my mate and his temper did that. I was good. I said what had to be said. Alpha Stan nodded in a smile at the end. As if that made all the insults better.

      But then they brought out the truth. I heard those same words growing up. It didn't matter from whom lips. Those words live in my head forever. Even up to today I still have nightmares containing those words. Even flashes of what corruptions my dark side can do.

      And some times. When I feel too much. Too much of me. Less of the Sage's weak 6 year old daughter. I sense the dark alluring in me. I can't lie and say I hate it. I like it. But then I fear if I like it too much. What's to become of me then?

      All the things they say seem too real. My biggest fear is my greatest failure. To my mate, my family, my pack, friends, coven, and truly my Goddess.

      The hell to myself. I knew I wasn't worth it. I knew I should have just stayed home that night.

      My heart collapsed the moment I realize I had to give them better. I knew they wouldn't let me if I said so. I can't see the belief they had for us. I had to force it. And when they call for me. Chasing the car down the road.

      My heart drop so far down. It stop completely.

      With tears down my face. I bang on my steering wheel. Hating myself for being too selfish and giving in to this mate shit. It was all my fault. I allow for this to happen. And now I've destroyed it all. Like everything else. My pure existence destroys it all.

      "Why the hell did you do this do me!" I shouted to Moon Goddess.

      "I thought we were your children. Why would you pick us? Did you wanted to hurt me too?"

      Of course no answer.

      "God damn it! I gave them my soul Goddess. You wanted me to believe in love, in mates, and family again. Well now it's all gone because I believed. What was the point if I had to live alone at the end!" I shouted again.

      "Aahhh, It's all fucking gone!" I hit the horn that beeps loud into the sky. And I swear I heard a wolf in the distance.

      I swallow a sob. "I believed in it all. I gave it my all. But I was too damage. Wasn't I?"

      I look up and see the moon shine bright. "I could never be loved. I'm just not meant to. Not true love."

      It was just in the fairytales Father will read to Mery and I. Those are the closest I would get. That I know now.

      I pray to Moon Goddess to seek some kind of worth. To shine over my mate at my time away. And if I have to part forever. To ease them into the she wolf he was meant to have. Drown me in the sorrow we both endure. I will walk this realm with the last piece of our love. I will forever brand their love. Even when their mark fades to her.

      After a while of driving I finally made it to the one spot I could think of. I silent my phone. And just drove. By the time I got to my location. It was dark over shadowing me now.

      The many steps up the stairs felt like forever. Pulling myself over each one. I make it to a door I have not seen in sometime. One knock and the door sprang open.