Fated Or Doomed

Fault In Ourselves

      Liv
     
      I can't explain my wildly broken emotions anymore. It all hurts way too damn much. And it was all my fault. I choice to cave in their sweetiess. And now I have  rotten it all. I had to leave to find a fix. Even if my forever absent is the fix.
     
      I cradle my body to the couch. Exhaling deeper then ever. Connie slowly throws her body after. I can feel her staring at me.
     
      I look at her with hidden emotions. "Why didn't you tell Mason the truth? He will..Travis will hope for your return."
     
       "You know Mason. He will keep giving me hope and reason to go back to them." I replied sadly. "If I have to give up my mate. That means Mason too. Its whats best I don't tell him. He's just another broken wolf because of me." My heart broke at the truth. There was no way I would be able to have Mason in my life if Travis isn't.
     
      It be selfish to think I could of done any of it. It was selfish of me for loving them. Letting them waste their sweet love on me alone. I be selfish to say I didn't want to lose my brother on top of my mate. But they will lean on each other when I am gone. They need each other. Not me.
     
      I can see Connie trying her best to comfort me. "Elizabeth thats awful. You should of said something to him. Its Mason. He said he won't.."
     
      "I heard him Connie. It wasn't a lie I know that. But Travis will sense me on him. He will know. And he will come."
     
      Connie gave me a deep sympathy look. And I shrug at her half smile. "I will be okay. Just knowing they will..In time they will part. And I..I." I swallow it down. "I will forever miss them."
     
      "Elizabeth i'm sorry you had to make this decision at all." She open her arms for me. And I lean in for her to comb my hair. It reminded me of Travis right away. And how Malcolm will sniff my hair. Everything reminds me of them.
     
      "I'm proud of you of how much you have grown over the years. You are one of a kind."
     
      I don't reply. Yet to myself I speak. One of a kind cost me everything. It costed me love of all aspects.
     
      Love. Fucking Love.
     
      "If he comes. Don't you want to at least explain to him? Travis will understand your sac.."
     
      I shook my head fast. As if it kept my tears from falling. "Theres nothing I can give them. I want to hope that I can. And my time here. Away. Will be worth my answers."
     
      "But..?" She says softly. Knowing my hope runs thin.
     
      "If I run through dead ends. Still no change. If i'm still a risk to them. I had already said my goodbyes. Seeing him again will make it harder to leave. Unmarking will.."
     
      "It will be like death." A tear drops down at my gasp. "You might have to find a way just for him to move on. That wolf loves you. I don't think he will give up that easy."
     
      My heart flutter to their love. I wish they hold my love forever. As I will theirs. In seconds my heart deflated knowing the truth. The painful truth of our bond.
     
      "I can't give them peace of love. So it may not be a choice." I reply coldly.
     
      Connie stood up and I see she not happy with my reply. I know where she stands on my relationship. But I can't. I can't let anyone die because of me. Even if my only option is to end my exist to free them all. Thats the only love I have known. Sacrifice.
     
      Connie wipes her tear as if my parter effects her. And whispers a comment as she heads off. "It is a choice you already made."
     
      I lay back and dream of all our times. Pushing back what could of. We only had each other tempoary. We knew that. We knew it be a time I had to..we had to end. I can not mate with my sweet wolf. And he can not mate with his little witch.
     
      "Find his she wolf goddess. That is his ease. She will heal him. She is what he needs." I speak in my mind to her.
     
      I feel the cracks growing inside my heart. Each wall slowly coming apart.
     
      Softly whisper the end of my prayer to myself. "I can't be his."
     
      In my dark sadness. They came. Following my scent here. I sniff the couch they sat on in pain. I graze the door they walk through. Every nerve jump in agony at the idea of what is to accord. I stay inside until dark. I watch and wait. As do they. They call and I softly wailed to myself.
     
      I return when the sun does. Following back when goddess takes her turn. I am at pain at no change over the hours. And I sit here on the patio floor. Watching the dark distance. The darkness had a calling to me. I fight the urge to run out and touch them. To explain it all. But I don't. I hold back knowing I can not give in to this. My failure and captive of dark allurings has done enough to them.
     
      Almost 2:30 in the morning and still we sit across our planes. I hear light footsteps behind me. Follow by a pretty voice. "He still out there?" Connie ask.
     
      I nod in responds. Bringing my knees to my chest. I hear a demanding howl that crack a sorrow tone. It plays on repeat all night. It sent draggers to my heart. "Have you respond to them? Anything?"
     
        I shook my head at her. "I can't bring myself to do it."
     
      I won't lie and say the other night I snuck out. Their howling stop. I thought they left. But their scent grew when I follow it. My body shakes when I came to a sleeping wolf by a log. It was a bit chilly that night. I cover them with a blanket and run off before they awoken. It was one and last cave. Just my one.
     
      "What do you want to do?" She wraps her fuzzy blanket over my legs.
     
      "I'm not certain Connie. My head is too mess up. And my heart hurts." I don't even think it beats anymore.
     
      "I'm so sorry Elizabeth. I would do anything to take the pain away. I never wanted you sad ever again." I look up at Connie. "I can take the pain if.."
     
      "No I did this. I shall suffer." I sigh at my self inflicted grief.
     
      Malcolm howl a long howl. "I wish them happiness. With someone else. Someone better." Another howl cracks the sky.
     
      I get this feeling like maybe I should sent them something. My hand sparks a light wanting to sent a message. But as I look at the small figure I created over my palm. A tear falls over and changes the light. I close my fist.
     
      Connie scouts in. The blanket now wrapped all around us. She allows me to cry until we return back inside. I couldn't take their broken howls anymore. It was torture to us both.
     
      I remind there. Thinking what would of happen if we never gave in. Accepted that we were just too different. I know that first  time in the woods would of happen still. But what if I said no to trying. And he rejected me right away.
      **
       "Elizabeth I need to ask you one last question." I nod and waited for him to ask. "After today, I know I wanted to try for as long as I can. And I still do. But I do need to know if you do?" I met his eyes, looking at me for answers.
     
      I take a soft deep breath. Thinking clearly on what to do. "Today was nice. But we are too different. Goddess is no different than the others. She test us. We are both better with someone else."
     
      I wanted to touch their hand and feel a spark. As I think, they read my mind. Gripping both my palms. His eyes search mine. "We can fight and make it work."
     
      Why is he so hopeful. Maybe he crave pain like me. But this is not a pain we should feed on. "Goddess will find you a powerful she wolf. I can see that luna at your side."
     
      We share a nod. A mintue goes by as we enjoy our last moment. Soon he exhale loudly. I feel his desire crash. And my fear stays at place.
     
      "I Travis Abbott.." He pause. Giving me a look as if i'll change my mind. I nod for him to continue on. "I Travis Abbott, alpha of Black Harvest reject you Elizabeth Marshall as my mate." His voice was lace in sorrows.
     
      As he keeps his eyes down to our palms. I don't return his squeeze. "I Elizabeth Marshall accept your rejection as your mate."
     
      Our palms drop as a sharp line of pain spring through us both. His eyes snaps back at me. It was saddness in his eyes. As my read relief and hidden grief. In the time the spark hit. Their sweet rare smell was gone. Their emotions I felt was gone. Everything was gone.
     
      The rejection took.
     
      "Goodnight Elizabeth."
      "Goodbye Travis."
      **
      Travis
     
      Every second that went by. Another piece of my heart was ripped out. I didn't understand anything at all. Yet I completely get why she left. We weren't good enough for her. And all we thought over the raging pain. How do we do better to get her back.
     
      I drove into the pack ground. My head down low. I look no one in the eyes. All I can see was her in the distance. Never moving a inch to our pleads. I can feel her and still she doesn't come.
     
      "Hey? How did it go?" Mason ran up to me. I been gone for hours. I ignore all his calls.
     
      When I look up. Staring at his eyes. His expression change. He patted my shoulder. "Liv just needs sometime to think some stuff out. Its not forever. She loves you."
     
      Love. Was it enough?
     
      "We sat there looking at the same moon. Same darkness. Same everything. She never give me one ounce of hope to our howl. When Connie comfort her sorrow meant for our shoulders. I made a deal that it be my last. I can't stay until she comes back."
     
      Even the smell of her sweet scent didn't comforted me. I woke with a blanket the first night. I thought she was there. But it could be a lie. I think my mind was playing games on me.
     
      "Travis Liv is just.."
     
      "No Mason. Elizabeth needs time I get it. She needs time away. From us. She planning to leave and it hurts. I fell in love and it hurts."
     
      "She not gone. She will come back. She searching for answers for your future. She just stress out." He says.
     
      I listen to Mason trying to have her back. He goes back and forth on what I should do and hope for. He was tore from being beta and a brother to us both. But I don't need a brother. Hell I don't need a beta. I needed her. And I want to wait, I will. But how long do I have to wait for? She never told me. She just left and never looked back.
     
      "I'll go back and talk to.."
     
      I begin to walk away. Fighting in my mind. Little flickers shin in my mind. Muttering something. "Just do your job. She my mate and I will fix this." I said in low demanding alpha voice.
     
      Mason grabs my arm to bring me back. A rage too over my sorrows. And I bare my teeth as I strangle Mason. "Enough with your plead of hers. She is ours and I will do what I have to prove our love to her. I have to change everything for her to consider coming back. And if you truly mean it when you say its not hidden love you are hidding. I suggest you stop bantering about her needs like her lover. And start doing your job as a beta! Or so help me goddess I will replace you with someone else if you can't get a handle on your fucking emotions towards her. Elizabeth is my mate and I lost her. I did."
     
      I drop him and begin to breath out my words. "I just don't know for how long." I turn back and search the moon.
     
      "We will do better for lunas return alpha. I swear on goddess we will." Mason say in a rig tone.
     
      I hum as I walk towards the woods. Mason calls out to me softly. "Where are going?"
     
      "Just leave me Mason. Leave us alone."
     
      I ignore anymore words as I walk to her spot. Staying there until goddess knows how long. In a way. It felt like days or weeks. Time steady as I pray to moon goddess. Praying she gives Elizabeth her answers. To bring me back my mate. I do not want to spent another night without her. I don't want to return to our room as I wait for her scent to disappear. If goddess of all people fail her daughter. Just like I have fail my mate. The world will end.
     
      "We will get her back. We didn't work that hard to just lose her."
     
      "Work hard? We suck Malcolm. I told you from the begin and now look."
     
      "No! We did better because of her. We just have to continue. Everyone fail her! She wants us. It was the heir and luna shit stressing her. We can improve for her. Be what..we can be who she needs. We will!"
     
      "Maybe she doesn't want to man. I can't force her to have pups or lead." A scratch of knife ache inside me.
     
      "She wanted to! She won't be studing all this crap for nothing. Its something else! We will.."
     
      "God damn it Malcolm enough!" I shouted in bubble of frustration.
     
      "No! I will fight and do it all! I made the pushed." He yelled back at me. I can see him before me. Just in such pain. Similar. His eyes glow with feral.
     
      I held close my failure and sorrows. I was too hurt to want to do anything. I couldn't see myself moving on without her. I couldn't. It hurts too much knowing she so far and may never come back. Knowing she lays her head, her little nose touch a air, her goddess figure and scent infect somewhere else.
     
      Over my conflicted ming. Connies words swims in my head. Elizabeth words diggs in my soul. I want to go back and drag her home. Not caring for her kicking and screaming. I wanted her explanation. I want to tell her how dull she is for this. That is all could of been done with me and not alone with her. But if I do and she ran. It be a never ending game of pain. One she spoke of many times.
     
      I wanted to protect her and I have fail. My failure angry me.
     
      Malcolm held the agony of anger at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to fight. He wanted to kill. He had the strength to go forth. He was piss and wanted blood to pour for her return.
     
      So we made a deal. Until her return. We will fight to bring her home. To protect and love the way she deserve. We will destory the world until we stand before each other again.
      .
      .
     
      Time flies and I find myself sitting in her spell room once again. It was the only time I was present. It was my turn. I didn't deserve the surface but her scent was the strongest here. And I needed it more than air.
      "Elizabeth will come fucking home."
     
      I grunted to his words. I couldn't tell time. I only knew my lost and the pain. Her scent grew heavily as I sniff the air.
     
      "All she did was search for anwsers."
     
      "For us."
     
      "Over and over again she was never pleased. She fucking risked killing herself under our nose to just see what?"
     
      I never knew. She never told me excatly what. But it ate her up inside enough to leave us. I couldn't help but think all the wrong I done. How little I've loved her.
     
      "Our love wasn't little. It was just too much. She will come back."
     
      "It wasn't enough. We won't enough for her. We fail her as a mate. What else could we have done?"
     
      "Enough with your pity party! You want to suffer in the sadness of our mate dissapearing go ahead. I have control of everything else. You deal the pain and I'll handle everything else!" Malcolm growl heavily at me. And I growl right back.
     
      "Don't fucking act like your not in pain too!"
     
      "I am but at least i'm out and doing something!"
     
      "I don't see you out there getting her! She still gone. She hasn't spoken to us in forever. I want her back too. I just can't get pass this pain right now." Everything hurts and I couldn't move. In my mind I lived in hell.
     
      Malcolm sigh in frustration. He knew what my captive mind was doing. "You just heal and..Elizabeth will be back. And if not."
     
      The crack of the word hit us both hard. "I'll wait! I don't care how it makes me look. I love her. I'll fucking wait."
     
      "Yes alpha."
     
      Its been a hell of a ride with Malcolm. This it all too new. I scream in frustration and agony day and night. We can never agree fully on anything. My mind was too dark to keep going. Malcolm helps to keep running our life. His rage feed our mind everytime we get this sharp pain. Everytime we think its her. My..our mind goes dark and I see those lights again.
     
      I get up and look around. Touching the powder that dust over her island. I can smell the dark spell she conjure in here.
     
      "It won't be easy baby. But one day. Soon. I'll fucking hold you again and demand amwsers. You'll demand a list of names to kill every person who brought bad thoughts to make you leave for so long. Whoever made you hurt us both."
     
      My nail digs the contuer. "Their all die soon."
     
      I find myself walking around. Imagining her here. Replaying our last encounter here. I replayed it all.
     
      "I know you're in pain too. Your words were said in pain. Yet you still left us."
     
      My jaw clemch as the thought of not being able to sense our bond. Only made us think the worst. And we fear for it.
      I come across her most read spell books. And I see one that does not belong. It was one of mines. I take it out to hold its thick cover. My fingers run through the words. I knew what lies in it. She been nose deep in this because of us. It was because of this and us that lead her to flea.
     
      "Why the fuck did it happen! Why!!" I throw the book and many more off the shelf.
     
      "God damn it!!" I contuine to roam the room. Throwing anything across or at the floor. I allow my rage of pain to seek out.
     
      Her once peace of room was fill with strain in the air. I can sense it now that she gone. I push the large bowl off the counter. It brakes into millions of pieces. I growl as I beat my fist on the island and cracks show. My eyes fill a watery line and floods through the pain.
     
      Full of anger I can't seem to feel my pain anymore. Or maybe its so strong I can't feel the differents. Bt as I get lost in a rave I hear a soft woman voice.
     
      "Alpha?"
     
      I stop in place. Calming my breaghing as her foot steps grew a little. Just enough into the room. Pass the opening.
     
      "What the hell do you want gamma?"
     
      I can hear her heart beating fast. "I'm sorry to disturbed you. I thought you were at the training ground with beta."
     
      I release my grip from the counter. Throwing a edge to the wall that shatters. I exhale and turn to face gamma. "I allow beta to handle traning today. Clearly I am busy else where."
     
      I walk a few step close to her. "Now why the hell are you here?"
     
      I had wondered if Elizabeth call gamma. Did she ask for her things? Was this an answer? Was she coming back or was this it?
     
      Gamma steps away as I get close. I didn't know but my voice held a snarl. Gamma held her belly. And I stare at the growing pup inside her. I close my eyes and shake my head. Slowing bring myself to reality. "I'm sorry Sarah. I am not a danger to your state. You just caught me.." I look away as I see a glance of my destruction.
     
      "Fuck man." I whisper to myself.
     
      "I understand alpha. I find myself more emotional these days. Luna became close to me and she comfort my pup. The only thing to ease its discomfort is when I am here. I'm sorry if violated your space."
     
      I only nod as I still control my rage. Soon it grew back into pain and Malcolm flips over. I am seated in my pit of darkness. I learn to ball in a room as a peace of rail memories of failure comes in.
     
      "I can call someone to fix luna's room. She won't know of this." Sarah said so softly. I hear a small pity through it.
     
      "No!" Malcolm snarl at her. "Leave it for now."
     
      Malcolm glance the room to see it come to picture. He looks down to see blood dripping down our finger tips. My fist balls and the pain sharp through my body. "This is mine peace."
     
      He see a familiar cloth on the floor. He picks it up and dust away any debris. He strive his heavy walk toward gamma who holds her belly close. Her eyes wallow in fright.
     
      "Here." Handing gamma a small jacket that belongs to our mate. Her scent still linger on it. "The pup will think its her."
     
      As gamma grip the jacket. Malcolm couldn't help himself but lay his hand over her belly. It begin to rounded out. She still hids it, but my hand feels the bump. Wolves show earlier than humans do. As we give birth earlier too. So for gamma to be a couple weeks in her pregnant figure will show more. Malcolm sigh heavily as he plead to goddess for this moment with Elizabeth.
     
      "Thank you alpha. I'm sorry if.."
     
      "Just leave. I don't anyone in here. Ever." He snarl back as he removes his hand from her belly.
     
      She nods as her smile frowns to him. "This is ours peace." He whispers as he turns back. We hear gamma foot steps decrease and the door slowly close behind.
     
      The room darken and my head drops to breath in her contagious air that she mix. "Elizabeth.