Fated Or Doomed

Luna & Gamma

Liv

      I woke up from another small panic attack. My breathing was ridged and no sound will come out my throat. My chest was hot and sweaty to the touch. As I place one hand on my center to relax. My other hand reaches down and search beside me. Rooming around I grab the sheets. Sitting up with my elbows, I turn to see my mate was gone.

      But not gone, gone. I can smell him here. As my head trail back down to its normal clutter. I jump out of bed and search for him in the closet where his scent sent me. Needing to get lost out my trapped mind. I get lost into my mate. Needing and wanting all of him. Yet after all that. My one need was flipped around. Usually it worked but only started a fight. Him not understanding my need to continue to work for us. To fight for us. For our people. I can't just brush off these meetings like what they say doesn't matter. There's repercussions to what happens. I can't fail nor disappoint anyone.  Especially my mate. I storm out. Telling myself to just keep doing what i'm doing. To just stay focus.

      Entering Travis's study. I make it the large cases of books that lines the wall. Searching for the ones I needed. I laid them out on the table. Before beginning, I need to ease my anger. To wash away this unneeded emotion. I pour myself a full cup of whiskey. Damn near finishing it by the first paragraph.

      "This is worth it. In the end. It'll all be worth it." Placing my cup down.

      I lean back on the couch with my first book. Scanning pages after pages after pages. Same with the next 2 books. Once I made it to my third. I stop at the heir prompt. Closing my eyes as I try not to think on the subject. A image of one day having a swollen belly hits hard. I lay a hand over my empty womb. Bringing a dread feeling inside of me. I hold back a tear. Thinking and almost believing this will never happen. I shut the book and throw it down on the table.

      "There has to be a way. There just has to be."

       I got up to walk over to my spell door. Praying to myself that all our hopes and dreams will come real. At least for Travis's. He's good. He has done so good and more. He deserves to have it all. And losing everything just because I can't produce a heir can't be it. Goddess had a plan. I can't accept that it's anything other than that.

      The smell hits like peace. Sniffing in the air calms me down easily. Allowing me to focus on my next task. Another must be done. Something Travis wouldn't understand. SHIT! He would be mad if he even knew what I was doing. I don't need him to worry about me more.

       He will just tell me to stop.

       I know it hurts when I shut him out. But I need him to just do anything than worry about me. Let him do his Alpha shit, that a least a day distraction from me. And in the means time, I can do my shit.

    Turning on the lights. I clean up my mess from last night. Hitting a reaction over my mess. I didn't get the answers I wanted. FUCK! I didn't even get pass the one I knew. All this and I feel like i'm getting nowhere. I just seem to drain myself. But if I keep trying, keep on pushing than I'll get somewhere. Just something.

      By the end of my task lastly I been feeling hungry. Not hungry as in I need a sandwich or a huge plate of dinner. I skip most meals. Some days Travis bangs on the door demanding I eat something. I have to cave in to him. Assuring him I'm just too busy. But this hunger. It came deep inside of me. The split half taking over.

      I got down on my knees as I swipe down the dry blood on the floor. Scratching the hard floor with my brush. The smell has gone away but the memory came back. Failing set me to a rage. Knocking everything off the table. Breaking all my work as I think of giving up any chances. A few glasses shattered. Spilling whatever left drops onto the ground.