𝘈 𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭. 《ᴄᴀʀʟ ɢʀɪᴍᴇs》

12. Why him?

outfits:

"Holy shit that was total badass! We just took out atleast 200 of 'em!"

I smile, but it fades when I see Rick's face. He looks depressed, like there's nothing behind his blue eyes. I had brought Judith and Daisy to the church with Gabriel, and came out when I saw everyone fighting. I didnt see Carl which was odd, but I figured it was nothing.

"Danielle.."

Michonne comes up to me, her eyes glossy. Why is she using my full name? Geez what happened?

"Dear God, what?"

I say, my breath picking up. It didnt take a genius to understand that something had happened. Jesse and Ron and Sam were nowhere to be seen now, something bad happened.

"It's better if we show you."

Rick mumbles. Michonne takes my hand, pulling me towards our infirmary. Tears fill my eyes at the unknown, what the fuck happened? We walk up the porch, stepping into the infirmary. Every fear, every worry I had, they were all true. Carl was laid on a table, his eye a bloody mess. Denise was cleaning it gently, but she stopped when she saw us. I freeze, too many thoughts racing through my brain. Why him? Who did it? Where are they? Im gonna fucking kill them. My breathing becomes uncomfortable, my chest rushing up and down. I grip Michonne's arm beside me, tears spilling down my face. My best friend of all people, maybe dead, maybe barely alive.

"Ch- Chonnie.. I ca- I c- can't breathe."

I stutter, squeezing her arm. She rubs my back, lifting my head to look at her.

"It's okay, you're okay, Carl's okay. He's alive."

My vision remains blurry, my shaky hands gripping Michonne. I shakily nod my head, turning to look at him again. I take stumbling steps over to the table, falling to my knees beside it. I was experiencing physical pain that was relaying from my emotional pain. My legs were burning, my heart was aching, and it felt like my brain might explode. I rest my face on top of his palm, his arm laid limp beside his body. Sobs I had never heard escape my lips, my hand wrapping around his wrist.

"C- Carl you pro- you promised."

I hiccup, crying out for him. He was the only one that would know how to comfort me, and he was unconscious in front of me.

𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.

*On the road during season 5*

I lay beside Carl, Judith's small body resting on my chest.

"Hey Carl, can you promise me something?"

"Sure Nell."

"Promise me you wont ever get hurt."

"Nell I-"

"Just do it Carl."

"I promise."

𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.

Three days. Three fucking days I sat by his bed. Why does something bad always happen? Why do people always get hurt? Why does it always hurt me as collateral? Rick and Michonne came and went, along with Jude. My tears returned every night as I sat in the uncomfortable chair by his bed, my same dirt stained clothes clung to my body.

"Hey.."

Michonne whispers, knocking on the doorframe. I jump slightly, yawning as I nod at her.

"Hi.."

I whisper, my voice hoarse.

"I brought you some clothes, and some food."

She smiles at me, walking over to my chair. She places a pair of jeans and a cropped shirt in my lap, and a plate of vegetables on Carl's nightstand. I smile weakly at her as a thank you, standing up from my chair. I pull off my dirty shirt, tossing it to the side. I pull on the new shirt, and pull off my pants, putting on the new ones. Michonne leans on the doorframe, and I sit back down.

"He's not going anywhere, a shower wouldnt hurt you."

She mumbles. I shrug, looking over at Carl.

"I dont want him to wake up alone."

I whisper, rubbing my tired eyes. I had fallen asleep around 2, and woken up at 11 when Michonne came in.

"You didnt sleep again did you?"

I roll my eyes at Michonne's mothering.

"Im fine Chonnie."

I reply.

"Im worried about you. Daisy's worried about you, she keeps asking when you're gonna be back in the house. She's been sleeping in my bed Nell."

I sigh shakily, anger building up inside me. Why couldn't she fucking understand?

"Im not leaving him Michonne!"

I raise my voice quite a bit, hot tears filling my eyes. Well damn, I thought I'd ran out of those. Michonne walks over, taking my hands. She pulls me out of the chair and into her, hugging me tightly. I cry into her chest, gripping her muscular back.

"It's gonna be okay Nell."

I pull away, wiping my face.

"I just want Carl."

I sound like a fucking kid that wants their mommy.

𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳

"I missed you."

I whisper, my chair scooted up as close as possible to his bed. Tears are spilling down my face as I chew on the inside of my cheek.

"Nellie? Im kinda freaking out a little bit..I didnt want to say it when dad was in here with Denise, but I- I dont know I just cant see and it's freaking me out."

I push aside my own issues, climbing onto the bed beside him. I tangle my right hand in his hair, cupping his cheek with my left one.

"Im here Carl, everything's okay."

His panicked breathing slows, and he looks at me with his one blue eye. It was gonna take some getting used to. I lean forward, planting a kiss on Carl's bandage-free cheek. He blushes, and I pull my face away. I look to his lips for a second, remembering each time we'd kissed. Once by accident when we slammed our heads together turning a corner, and about a month ago when we first got to Alexandria. It was nice the second time. Even though it was a bit awkward, it was our first real kiss. With everything that had happened the past few weeks, maybe a kiss could make it better. I lean forward again, kissing his lips. He freezes for a second, but immediately pushes his lips against mine. We sit for a moment, slowly kissing, and eventually pull away.

"See? Im really here. You havent brushed your teeth in weeks and I just kissed you. That's commitment."

I chuckle, my eyes still a bit glossy. Carl laughs too, his hand falling softly on my leg.

"Y'know Im no expert, but I dont think best friends usually kiss eachother."

I laugh again, my head falling slightly. I bring my hands away from Carl's face, and his arm moves over my shoulders. I scoot closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder.

"We're not normal best friends Carl."

We sit for a bit, just taking in the silence.

"Carl I thought you were gonna die."

I whisper suddenly, my hands crossed over my chest.

"Im sorry Nell."

"Dont let it happen again dickface."