Hanni
Loving you is worth it, even if it meant that my world would come crumbling down just for holding heaven in my arms
I didn't even get the chance to ask her what she meant by that. My parents were calling for me and I had to leave Minji there. Her eyes calling out for me and I could feel myself being ripped apart from our little moment.
But thank god, that I get to see her again today.
I'm a little scared that things would be awkward between us now. What Minji said could have many meanings. She could mean it as she herself loves me and that her world could crumble down for holding me, who is heaven in her arms.
And if it's not her loving me then she means someone else loving me.
But a part of me truly believed she meant it as she herself. How else am I supposed to explain that look in her eye as she spoke? And even the way her voice softened completely too?
I didn't pick Minji up in the morning as her parents decided to do it since they'll be doing something outside of the city for a couple of days. And it might just give me the right amount of time to sort this thing out with Minji.
"Min?" I called out once I arrived at our secret place. And there she was seated on the bench, looking up at the sky but once she heard her name she turned to look at me quickly. She seemed a little bit in disbelief of seeing me standing there.
A smile appeared on her lips as she quickly stood up and made her way to me. I could only look at her shyly as she was now standing before me in her 5'7 glory. "I thought you wouldn't be coming here, after...last night." She said and my eyebrows met each other in a frown.
"Why wouldn't I? This is our place." I said as I took a step closer to her and I heard her breath halt. Her breathing suddenly got shakier as her eyes looked at my own.
"I meant what I said last night."
Huh?
"What do you mean?" I asked as I looked up at her and I could see the pink taint forming on her cheeks due to our closeness. My shy little Minji bear.
"Before you left I said something, I meant it, and I don't know how you'll take it or if you've even put thought to it. Did you understand what I said?" I shook my head at her and she let out a shaky sigh.
"Hanni, I've held this in for a while now. I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship for something that I know you don't feel, that I'm probably the sick one who decided it was okay to let loose. Maybe I am the disgusting freak they say I am." I quickly cupped Minji's cheeks and shook my head at her.
"Whatever it is, it wouldn't make you the disgusting freak that people call you. It'll only make you human, Minji." I said as I made her look at me so that my words would engrave themselves in her mind.
I could clearly see her denying it as her eyes closed, she leaned in a little bit closer, pressing our foreheads against one another. One of her hands at the low of my back, pulling me towards her. I let out a sigh of contentment being so close to her.
"Even if all I've ever wanted to do was to kiss you, that I have a desire of holding you in my arms and shower you with such a forbidden love that would kill me if you were to deny it from me?" My mouth went agape at her words. Her arm wrapping around my waist pulling me impossibly closer to her.
In her eyes were written her fear of my rejection. "I wouldn't care about what the people thought, or even if I'm kicked out of the church, they could push and kick me around for what I just said, but not from you. I wouldn't handle you walking away right now and not looking back at me, knowing that I just ruined everything between us." I could hear how scared she was and all I had in mind was to wash all of that fear away.
My hands that still cupped her cheeks, pulled her down more. My lips just centimeters away from hers, and everything in me screamed at me to kiss her, even the hidden part of the devil within me was begging to just get this over with.
But would I cross the line? Is she ready for it? Am I even ready for such move? What would even happen after?
"Hanni, I beg of you to say something. I may loose my last bit of sanity if you keep holding me like this and not say nor do anything. You're making my heart race, you're making everything within me to halt. Waiting for you."
She barely managed to whisper and I could feel my own heart racing as I noticed the tears in the corner of her closed eyes.
I tippy toed and moved my lips to her cheek, giving her a long lasting kiss. Her body tensed as her arms around me tightened wanting more of me. She leaned against my lips not wanting me to pull away. But I needed to speak, I needed to pull us both out of this misery that I'm sinking us in.
"Hanni, please. You're torturing me in a way you can't imagine." She pleaded once I pulled away. Her eyes opened and the torture was clearly seen as the tears fell down her cheek.
I'm scared, but I won't loose my opportunity.
"Minji, I love you." It barely slipped through my lips, and I knew Minji still heard it. She always managed to hear me no matter how low I spoke or how crowded the room was.
"You love me?" She asked in disbelief, her eyes wide as they looked at me, a glint of happiness was seen in the corner of her eyes that seemed to sparkle under the rays of the sun that shined over us.
"I've been in love with you for a while, Minji. I never dared to speak of it, as I was scared. I feared that it would change everything between us if you didn't feel anything for me in that manner. And I was also scared if you did, it would put me against everything I believe in, because I would want something that would disappoint both my parents and god." I said as I looked deeply in to her brown eyes.
"I know, trust me, I do. But Hanni..." she stopped mid sentence as she cupped my cheeks in a desperate but gentle manner. "Knowing that you feel the same would kill me if we don't try this out. I beg of you, just one chance. I'll leave everything behind for you, the depth of this love I have for you is unknown, it's like the ocean only such low percent is known but not all of it. Minji said, her eyes were screaming at me to please do something. To have the courage she doesn't.
And in that moment, I realized that she was right. Knowing we want something and not act on it would kill me. It'd kill us both before we even give in.
Maybe I'm about to commit the biggest sin known to us, maybe I'm about to potentially throw everything to the side for her, and maybe I'm doing the wrong thing. But it wont stop me from loving who I love.
I may need to hide it from my parents and whatnot, but that's such an insignificant thing compared to what o have in front of me, that's at my disposal and that all I need to do is grab and not let go.
I took a deep breath, thinking it once or twice before I gave in, I pulled her down as I crashed our lips together. This is my first kiss, she's my first kiss.
And I know I'm hers too with how sloppy the kiss was. But it didn't matter, nothing did. As long as Minji's lips were against mine, the world meant nothing compared to her.
Tears swelled in my closed eyes, opening them briefly only to catch Minji's diamond like tears grazing down her skin as she kissed me with a need that I thought no man could have. Shutting my eyes close once more as I pulled her against me even more.
And in that moment, it all felt right.
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THEY KISSED !!!!
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