Never Let Go (Of Me) • Ferran Torres

Chapter 35: Yours, But Not Mine

🎶 Say Don't Go (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) — Taylor Swift 🎶

"Please tell me you're joking" Sara blurted out as we were having a drink in the city center just two days after me and Ferran had gotten freaky in his sheets.
"I'm... not" I mumbled, already having correctly predicted her reaction.
"You promised to not do it until you had established a relationship! From what you know, he could still not be serious about you!" she exclaimed.
"It just... happened, Sara! I felt sure in that moment!" I shot back.

"... In that moment?" she asked, a worried look on her face.
"Yeah, now... I wish I would have followed your advice..." I mumbled, looking at the ground ashamed.
"Lina... I never meant to treat you like a child... I just wanted you to look out..." she said and took my hand as I felt a tear falling down from my cheek.

"It's just... I do believe he likes me, he has those lovey dovey eyes and he worships the ground I walk on, but... I have a feeling that he somehow takes me for granted. It's easy for him, I'm always at his disposal, I have no real occupation. I'm not studying to become something fancy, I'm just... a store employee and a few times a month some old guy thinks I could look sexy in his brand's swimsuits and he lets a weirdo photograph me" I sighed, my eyes burning.

"You need to tell him this, Lina. You can't bottle up and he shouldn't either. He does have feelings for you, I'm sure. He was lovely at dinner when he came over" Sara tried to encourage me and I nodded.
"You're right. I'll invite him over and we can talk about it" I said and exhaled shakily.

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Easier said than done. I had absolutely no experience in any kind of relationship talks and didn't know which words could possibly trigger him. I was pacing up and down nervously in my apartment after finally gathering up the courage to send him a "We need to talk" text. The doorbell rang and I pressed the buzzer without answering to avoid any unnecessary exchange of words.

"Hey" I said when he finally stood in my door.
"Hello, bonita" he replied with a grin on his face before he connected our lips. Bonita, not Amor, my subconscious reminded me and I pulled away.
"You... want something to drink?" I asked and quickly hurried to the kitchen.
"Some water would be great" he replied and I nodded, fiddling with the water tap as I filled up a glass for him.

Ferran POV

"Are you alright?" I asked Cata, she was behaving weirdly. And that "We need to talk" text had been strange as fuck too. She wasn't... no she couldn't be. "Are you pregnant?" I asked, panicking a bit inside.
"What? No!" she replied, looking at me confusedly.
"Oh ok... Then... what did you want to talk about?" I asked before I took a sip from my glass of water.

"Um..." she mumbled, apparently not knowing where to start herself. "What are we?" she then asked hastily and I tilted my head.
"We're Cata and Ferri-" I chuckled, not fully grasping where this was going.
"Is... this something serious? Or is there a reason you haven't asked me out on a date yet? Or... a reason for you not wanting me to be your... girlfriend?" she asked nervously and my eyes widened. The relationship talk, fuck. My walls around me started closing in and I felt dizzy.

"Am I not enough for you?" I defended myself, not really knowing what else to say.
"What? You're... You know I like you and... I gave you my virginity, that's how much-" she started, but I cut her off.
"You know that I just got out of a relationship, and that wasn't in the most trauma-free way, you saw how I struggled! Why would you pressure me now?" I almost shouted, not being able to think clearly. I was about to have a panic attack, fuck.

"I'm... not... I..." she stammered as tears were welling up in her eyes. Fuck, I hated myself for seeing what I had done and was doing to her. My phone ringing in my pocket saved me from an answer and I quickly pulled it out to see it was my agent calling. I tried to control my breathing as I slid my thumb over the screen to accept the call. Cata raised her arms and let them fall to her sides in disbelief as I muttered a "Hello" into the phone.

"Pack your bags, Dani Olmo got injured and de la Fuente called you up to replace him. I'll make sure that a plane is ready in an hour that will take you to Madrid" he quickly said and my brain tried to comprehend his words. FUCK YES! I was called up at last!
"Yeah, I'll be there" I quickly replied before hanging up again.
"I was called up!" I told Cata ecstatically, already having pushed aside the previous conversation.

"Are you serious now?!" she exclaimed.
"Yes! I have to go and leave for Madrid like... right now!" I mumbled excitedly and walked closer to her to kiss her goodbye, but instead, she slapped me across my face.
"Ouch!" I exclaimed and rubbed my hand over my cheek.
"Oh yeah, wait a minute..." she muttered and I looked at her confusedly. "Go, Ferri! You did so great and you deserve this. Go score some goals and show everyone who doubted you wrong" she said in a tone that I couldn't decipher.

"Ok...?" I mumbled and furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I walked towards the door. "I'll... see you when I get back" I mumbled before opening the door and walking out of her apartment.

But when I sat down in my car, the panic finally crushed down on me and I broke down crying. Cata was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I was just so afraid. I was afraid of her doing the same thing that Sira had done to me. Only that when Sira did it, it made me stronger - if she did that, I would crash and never recover. She had that grip and power over me that was true love - and I was afraid of letting that get too close to me.