LILAC (Fred Weasley)

Chapter 37

„Dear Diary,

Today was an emotional roller coaster for me.

I did things I am not proud of and to knowingly break someone's heart isn't as funny as you might imagine. The thing is, I grew fond of Kenneth in a way. Not in the way that he would have wanted me too. He is a good guy, a bit too insecure sometimes and too controlling, yes, but nevertheless a good guy.

So I prepared myself the whole day for a talk with him. I was laying out my words very carefully, heck I even used Gemma's tactics and wrote down my words to say. Geez. Honestly, and I wouldn't admit that to anybody, I even got a bit nervous.

So I was looking for him, in the whole castle. I passed a few people, tried to look as normal as possible. Then I stumbled upon Lee and the twins. Lee was happy to see me, but held back immediately and tried to pretend that he was mad at me for the twins. George gave me a sour look, that I deserve more than anything and captured perfectly how I felt about all of this. Though, Fred, Fred he eyed me curiously and I gave him a small nod. A sign for him to understand that I would do the inevitable.

Just that the bloke I was trying to break ends with, seemed to have guessed it or something, because I couldn't find him anywhere. Sean had idea where he is and his other friends didn't see him as well. I got angry at him. How dare he vanish once I need him. Okay need him to break up with if I am precise, but the point still stands.

So I gave up and sat down next to a window on the west side of the castle and took out my drawing book. My mind was busy and full of thoughts, I needed a moment by myself. Honestly, I have forgotten how it felt to just sit alone and just be for some time. I am so often surrounded by others, that it got so normal for me, I forgot what it was like to recharge alone. Admittedly, I am not a fan of being alone. I am a people person. It felt good though. And needed.

The stress of the last days got to me and I even cried at the spot. The tears just spilled out, I couldn't do anything against it. At that moment I wished Guzman was there. Strange, I know. I didn't really know myself why especially him, though I just craved his company. I need to write him sometimes and ask how he is doing. We don't really do that and it sucks.

Later we had a dueling lesson with non-other than Lockhart and Snape. I was standing next to Gemma, Sean and Louis and his friends, when we were watching the fiasco Lockhart made. Now, all of us without a doubt, question everything Lockhart ever wrote into his books. Never ever did that happen to him. No chance. Snape could have slaughtered him then and there.

When it got time to find a duel partner, I turned to Gemma, because of obvious reasons, but Snape broke us apart immediately. He did that with many. He wanted to switch people, rearrange the groups. Funnily enough, Kenneth and Fred ended up with one another. Snape knew what he was doing. I ended up with a girl I haven't known before. She was a fierce dueler. She taught me a lot of new tricks, especially when I asked her if she could show me the spells, since they are really cool. She was flattered and I congratulated her on being good. It seemed to me she wasn't used to compliments, because she only turned read and stuttered a thank you. In the corner of my eye I could see that it got ugly with Fred and Towler.

Luckily the incident with Harry and this Justin-Finch-Fechtley boy happened. Well not exactly lucky. Potter spoke in Parsel with a snake that Malfoy previously charmed out of the blue. And that snake wanted to attack Justin. He fled. Afterwards, Harry Potter found Justin paralyzed just like the other muggleborns.

I had a very bad feeling in my gut. I even forgot that I needed to talk to Kenneth. All I wanted was to go back into the dorm room and write to you. I am scared. For the first time I don't care that Fred was mad at me for not speaking to Kenneth. I couldn't care less right now. I am more scared about the fact that something or someone is running around trying to kill us.

What if it gets me in the end? I am too pretty to die.

And apart from that, Gemma need someone who does the talking for her and bring her food in exam times. That girl would starve without me.

What is going on and why doesn't anyone of the teachers do something against it? Because now things seem to get ugly.

Okay I have to stop, Gemma just came into the room to check in on me.

I am so glad she is a half blood and in safety.

Yours,

Jade.