Burn For You

Worth

Chapter Fifty-Five~ Worth

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"Vissera!"

She heard him shouting after her, though he wasn't quite as loud as the staggering beat of her heart which she wasn't able to separate from the rushed sound of her steps away from him.
It really was remarkable, that her feet seemed to move as fast as she could feel her heart beating, till of course she realized she looked like a mad woman sprinting away as if her life depended on it.

She fell through the big oak door to her room, her room not theirs, Thor jumping from his sleep on her bed. The wolf jumped toward her, wagging its tail and nudging her leg, he'd grown thrice in size and was still growing.

She turned quickly locking the door, she heard brandon curse, and then move. That was when she sped toward the door between her room and theirs.

But it was too late, he was already barging his way in.

"Vissera!" He breathed again.

She panicked when she saw him, thousands of bricks being built back up by the atoms in her heart she had finally allowed a moment to breathe because she thought she had found her peace with him.

Every great lord had a mistress and then bastards too.
But this happening to her hadn't occurred.

Maybe it hurt her pride or bruised her ego, that feeling of self importance was easily diminished when knowing things like this.

What she did know though, was that it broke her heart.

To laugh?

To cry?

To scream or shout, maybe even break something.

She wasn't sure.

"Really it's fine!" She smiled. "I'm all honesty I suppose it was a moment weakness of my brain actually believing this marriage could be anything than what it really was meant to be."

"What does that mean?!" Brandon frowned, she was picking at her nails, something he'd noticed she did when she was nervous but when he reached out to her she pulled away.

"We aren't a magical love story Brandon, it was an arrangement in hope of peace, I should count myself lucky you aren't some old brute who only needed me for an heir, silly of me to forget really I knew most lords had their wives and then the women they loved." She breathed, chest moving heavily with every breath.

She had been foolish, in thinking they could've had something beautiful. A life she had created in what she knew to be love from the stories everyone had told her when she was young about her mother and father, love from the way Finan loved Clarissa and the she loved him back.

They could not have that.

Because theirs was an entirely different story, one she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"You have it completely wrong." He replied, voice breaking slightly as his heart urged him to plead his case.

"You don't owe me an explanation, please I don't need one." She urged in return. She knew if she heard it there'd be a chance she'd break, and after all of this, everything she thought they had she would rather end it on a sweet note as opposed to it turning sour and leaving a rotten stain on her memory. "I just want you to be honest from now on, save me the embarrassment of having to face the two of you." She couldn't help the way she spat the words, like spitting poison out of her mouth.

"Please, I'm begging you." He went closer, grasping her hands in his as if praying to her. "I'm begging you let me explain."

He reached to touch her face, hand resting on her cheek and for a split second she leant into it. Then she became hyper aware of where else that hand had been, how many times had he held her this way.

"Do you love her?" The princess' face drained of any emotion and she pulled away from his touch, sitting back onto her bed.

"I suppose I did once." Brandon admitted. "In a way I thought was love." He added. "But it was when I was young, foolish and before I knew you,
Wylla and I were young, foolish and I had just found out about our betrothal. She was supposed to be my wife, and I used that as a way to reject you. I was an idiot trying my hardest to rebel against my father."

"And the boy?" Vissera questioned, voice unsteady. "What of him?"

"Lonnel doesn't know, only Wylla and I know of his true parentage and now you." He sighed. "I wanted to tell you, or maybe I didn't, perhaps I thought I could keep it a secret."

"But you didn't tell me, she did in some way I suppose, and now I suppose I struggle to know if what I feel for you is what you feel for me." A year pricked her eye.

Knowing she thought he didn't love her hurt him more than he would ever care to admit. It was like every truth he had known was being taken from him and twisted by a force unbeknownst to him, so that it could tell the light of his heart lies that made her heart break.

"No, Vissera I love you." Brandon said, his voice was croaky and worn like he was choking on a cry, he could see he had hurt her, he could see in the low light of her eye that her soul was burning a lot dimmer than usual.

"But what is that worth now?" She shook her head. "I thought you felt as I did, a mirror of my own heart but that cannot possibly be true for everything I felt for you as my first in every single way there is you have already felt that with another."

She was right, Brandon had engaged in his first sexual relationship with Wylla, he had held her first in his arms and whispered to her first as they dozed off to sleep. She was the first love and then even the one he first shared a child with.

All of the firsts Vissera was having with him, she was just doubling those numbers in his books.

And she wasn't sure what that meant.

"But I love you." He pleaded, soul screaming for a release from beneath his skin. "I only loved her for what I thought love was."

"And I love you for what I believe love to be, you are the first for me, and if you diminish your first so much when it feels like this then how can I know what you feel now?" She cried. "Everything I thought we were to have is gone, because you already have it."

Her brain flashed her hundreds of memories of the two of them, but now they were in a completely different light, never to be seen as the way she once experienced them. And it felt as if her heart was being dragged out of her chest, sliced into pieces and burned in a black hole that lead to hell.

"You don't understand." Brandon replied halfing back onto her. "This is,

Then she yelled out.

And both wolves, Thor and Mylla let out low growls.

Brandon panicked thinking it might've been her heart, then a he heard a splash onto the floor.

The wolves barked and began scratching at the door, Mylla managed to leap up and drag the handle back down with her, freeing the pair into the darkness of the corridors.

"The baby." Vissera gasped.

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