Refined Ingracia

Kabanata 37

Real

I groaned as i woke up, the sun streaming through the crack in the curtain causing me to rub my eyes from the light. I opened my eyes and adjusted my vision to see. I scan the bedroom where I am, there, I saw the three small crib for my baby, probably, I could recall I gave birth to a triplets, I know we had twins but giving birth to a three, I am speechless and overwhelmed, my three little angels.

I feel good from my sleep. It feels like I was in a deep sleep. When I woke up my body felt being recharged.

Glancing beside me was my mom who fell asleep on the couch and William's mom on the other side sleeping like my mommy.

She is here? I remembered it was mommy Fenna who assisted me as family when I was in labour.

How long did I sleep?

Sitting up, tucking my black hair behind my ears. I let for seconds to stay still to adjust my body, after sometimes I remove the needle of the oxygen connected from my wrist. I push my thick blanket on the side exposing myself from the cold. I slowly move, the cold carpet welcomes my feet as I step on the ground and center my head to walk where the cribs are, to my babies. I want to see them. I didn't remember I hold them. I did not remember I breastfeed them. I want to become a mom like how it should be. Breastfeeding them but how can I do that when there are three of them. I might couldn't handle but I know it possible.

I stretch my arms as the crib is closer to me as my steps forward. A tears fell down my eyes looking at them, a tiny little baby as they were asleep. I could define their sizes of each of them from big size to medium and lastly the smallest one. My heart is full by looking at each of them, so tiny, vulnerable and so soft. I couldn't hold my emotions by watching them, I love each of them they are part of me and William. They are made because of our love.

William?

My heart sunk deeply and I question myself how can I through of this thinking without him. My world shattered.

William why did you leave me like this? My heart squeezes tightly as I breakdown from crying.

I am so angry at you! You're so unfair, you promise me to protect us, you promise me to grow old together and you promise me to become a good father to our children. You promised me!

I scan each of them as tears flow like a river, they are so tiny that I am afraid to hold them. Is it possible to be scared? Why do I feel like this? Maybe because I am scared of myself that I might not be a good enough, I am so sorry my baby if mommy is so weak right now. My shoulder is shaking because of my emotions I can't hold. As I closed my eyes letting my tears through me I thought of him, my husband, how bad this is going to be without him I think I can't raise them alone. How can I do it alone. I'm angry at you William how can you leave me like this situation, you are so heartless! Wiping my tears from sobbing, I cried silently. I don't want my parents to see me breaking down and my babies from sleeping.

A door opened but I couldn't turn my head to see who was there, I wiped my eyes quickly and i was ready to see who it was, shock was all over me and stunned at the same time. He was holding a duffle bag and a basket of fruit.

I couldn't move.

There he was, looking at me. Walking straight to where i am standing.

William is here with us?

He's here.

Am I dreaming or am I in heaven?

My eyes widened from my realization!

"Are you for real?" I ask with wide eyes opened. I sobbed hard.

"You're here or I am in heaven?" My heart sunk from my hope.