Us and our crazy love (radioapple)

Is it possible

(Alastor's POV continued)
Why!? WHY!? WHY!!!? WHAT IS THIS!? I panicked as I reached my room and locked the door. I didn't want anyone seeing me like this especially Lucifer, I used my magic to insure the room became soundproof. I fell to my knees gasping for air, clutching my chest as I tried to figure out what was happening to me. My heart was pounding on my chest faster than ever before.

Why do I feel this way!? What is this!? What is he doing to me!? I gripped onto my hair pulling hard trying to understand what was happening right now. The thoughts of Lucifer and how much he cared for me even though I was a sinner.

What is he trying to do to me!? What game is he playing?!  AHHHHHHHH 
I screamed out loud as my heart was pounding rapidly in my chest. I started laughing at everything as my vision became cloudy, I felt water run down my face. I touched my hand to my cheek to feel the hot water.

Tears? But why? What am I crying for? Am I... afraid? Is this what fear feels like? What am I afraid of? What is this!? Please.... Make it stop! I held onto my sides as my ears dropped down with my smile, when I made the deal with Lilith she gave me a mask for people to never know what I was feeling on the outside. Stitches placed to keep my face in a smile, now those stitches were gone.

I need to get a grip. I can't let the others know about this. I need help,and I know just who will help me. I stood up grabbed my composure wiping my tears away and taking a deep breath. I teleported to outside of Rosie's shop , she would help me. I opened the door the the shop to see no one around and then I heard her voice.

"We're closed, can't you read the-,oh my, alastor?"
She said coming around the Corner to see me. She took one look at me and her expression changed completely, she dropped the dresses she had in her hand and ran over to me.

"What are you doing here?"
She asked putting a hand on my shoulder, I frowned and sighed looking at the floor. Maybe I should just leave?

"oh dear you look terrible. Come sit down I'll make us some tea and you can tell me what's troubling you."
Rosie sat me down at our table and smiled at me as she walked away to make some tea. She came back to sit with me as she waited for it to be done.

"So what's bothering you alastor." She asked as she sat down across from me

If I'm being honest with you I'm not quite sure myself.

I answered while looking down fiddling with my hands. Rosie looked at me for a moment before her eyes widened

"Alastor, did you get out of the deal?"
She asked while whispering, Rosie was the only one who knew about my deal. The only one who knew almost everything about me. I looked up at her and nodded slightly she looked shocked for a moment. Then she heard the kettle go off, she summoned the kettle and tea and poured us both a cup. I put my hand to the warm glass as my eyes looked down into the cup.

It's complicated to say the least. I said looking up at her.

"Oh come now alastor you can tell me anything I don't judge."

Well, I made a deal with Lucifer and he owns my soul, I was badly wounded after the extermination I would have died had I not made the deal.

As I continued to tell Rosie about everything that had taken place the last few days i began to feel a Little better.

"So let me make sure I have this right, you and Lucifer are an item but you are in it for a power grab, and now you feel like this and your not sure why?"

Yes
I answered as my ears pinned back, I was embarrassed about this. Being so honest with someone was hard even if Rosie had never done me harm before.

"Well alastor based on everything your telling me, it sounds like you might love this man." She said smiling at me while sipping her tea, I spat out my tea at the comment she made.

*pfft* No I do not!
I answered while looking back at her disgusted.

" Alastor... do you know what love feels like?"

Yes of course I do, I loved my mother.

" right... we'll I guess I would word this differently, how does Lucifer make you feel?"

Lucifer?! He makes me feel....
I sat and thought for a moment, he made me feel a lot of things some I couldn't even comprehend.

He makes me... he makes me feel a lot of things. I finally answered

"Like?"

Like... seeing him smile makes me smile and the thought of him getting hurt makes me feel rage. He also makes me feel at peace at certain moments, he reminds me of my mother. He cares about me, I don't know why.

"Alastor he cares about you because he loves you." Rosie said looking directly into my eyes with a smile

" I know it's hard for you to understand, but when someone cares for you the way Lucifer seems to. That's love right there."

He... he does?

"Yes, why else would he kiss you?"

I shrugged my shoulders unsure of what to say back. Love was never something I fully comprehended when I was alive. I loved my mother with all my heart and when she died I lost my mind. I never was in a relationship when I was alive, I never had someone who wasn't family care for me.

"Love is a scary thing alastor, it's a crazy, beautiful, scary thing, but if it's right then everything ends up the same, you with him."

I feel so weak, I have never felt like this ever.

"Love doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong"

I sighed as I finished my tea,
I suppose your right, you are the expert at this thing. So what do I do now?

"Be honest with him, tell him how you feel."

But what if I mess it up? What if I can't do it?

"When the time is right you'll know, but you can't put this off forever alastor. Hiding your feelings never ends well for anyone."

I nodded, I sat up and gave Rosie a hug.
Thank you dear Rosie, you've been a great help today.

"Hey anytime alastor, I'm always here."
She said as she waved me out I teleported back to hotel inside my room, looking at the time I saw it was 9pm already, I had spoken with Rosie for nearly two hours. I hope the others didn't notice anything. My ears shuffled as they heard a noise from the hallway.

"I'm just going to see if he's asleep."
A muffled voice said from the hall it was Lucifer, I panicked for a moment I didn't want to speak to him right now I wasn't ready. I quickly turned my body away from my door an pretended to be asleep. I heard the door creak a bit as it opened. I heard some footsteps and then a sigh.
"Oh alastor, I was worried about you when you disappeared after dinner you asshole. If you were so tired you could have told me."
He whispered lightly as he chuckled.

"I wish you knew how adorable you look right now."
He whispered lightly as he was clearly trying not wake me even though I was already awake he didn't know that. I heard him lean over me and then I felt warm lips on my forehead. He planted a kiss of my forehead then I heard him stand up right.

"Good night my sweet deer."
He whispered to me as he left. The second I heard the door close and then his receding footsteps I sat up. My face felt warm as my stomach swirled around, I touched my forehead where he kissed me. I smiled at the thought of his warm sweet lips on mine.

Is it possible.. do I really love him?