Us and our crazy love (radioapple)

Emotions that shattered

"I...."
Alastor hesitated trying to see where he should begin. He decided to start with why he was here entirely.

"I suppose I should start with why I'm here Lucifer. I came here because I was forced to, when I first came to hell I made a deal with a very powerful person. I thought I had everything under my grasp until I realized my terrible mistake, she tricked me and altered the deal we made."

"Woahwoahwoah, hold on, did you just say altered?"
Lucifer interrupted,
"That's impossible the only people who can do that is me and......"
Lucifer's eyes widened, he gasped putting a hand over his mouth to prevent him from screaming. It made since though, the purple magic that came though, the reason he was here everything came together. He looked at alastor with fear and shock.

"She threatened to bring great harm to me if I didn't do what she asked, and her ask was for me to come to this hotel and... stop Charlie from, her dream. At first everything was fine, it seemed so easy but Charlie doesn't give up at all. After a Litte while I just couldn't do it anymore, I wasn't supposed to feel any remorse for what I was doing, but seeing how Charlie always is trying to do everything she can to help her people, I find that inspirational."

Lucifer's eyes teared up, hearing what his own ex wife had put someone up to, to stop their own daughter killed him. Lilith always seemed angry at Lucifer for putting ideas in her head. She wanted her to be a grownup proper young princess, not "a joke to her people."

"I....I'm sorry Lucifer, I don't want to hurt Charlie, I don't wanna hurt anyone."
Alastor said as tears fell to the ground. Alastor grabbed all the courage he could preparing himself for what the next reaction would be.

"However, this is the most important thing I need to tell you..... Do, do you remember the night you were drunk?"
He asked while stuttering a bit, Lucifer looked off to the side confused and a bit embarrassed.

"Kind of, why?" Lucifer asked back looking directly into alastor's eyes now. Alastor sighed ashamed of what he did.

" I... I was, I...... I was, I was playing... with you that night. I, I didn't feel anything for you, it was, a plan I had. I.... I.... I used your feelings as way to grab power."

Lucifer's heart shattered as he heard alastor admit to what he did, Lucifer felt tears roll down his face as it became difficult to breathe.

"S-s~ so- it~ was- a- all- a - t-t-t trick~?"
He asked hyperventilating. Alastor began sobbing as he saw how broken he just made Lucifer, hearing his voice trembling and the gasps of air he tired to get was heartbreaking. Alastor took Lucifer's hands to comfort him.

"No, not all of it......."
He said smiling gently as he recalled all the moments of joy and peace he felt with Lucifer.

"Lucifer, you... you make me feel so happy, being with you reminds me of times I spent with my mother, but it's not just that. You, you have this way of, always just, making everything ok. I'm more than sorry that I did what I did, I am extremely ashamed of my actions. I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, I love you Lucifer, I've never felt this way about anyone ever. You, I can't keep things from you it's wrong.." 

Lucifer fell apart as he heard alastor say that, he loved alastor so much and he was so grateful that he told him the truth. At the same time hearing all of that was a lot, the truth of the morning they spent together wasn't real hurt deep. Lucifer looked at alastor not knowing what to say as more tears fell down his face, alastor wanted him to say something, do something, anything.

He wanted to hear whether Lucifer was mad and so heartbroken that he would leave him or if he would stay and hold him. Lucifer stood up gathering himself as he inhaled deeply, he looked at alastor who had reached out to him he looked so broken and sad in that moment. Filled with sorrow and regret waiting to see what happened. Lucifer looked down at alastor and said the one thing that alastor didn't want him to say.

"I... I need time to think."
Lucifer said and he walked out of alastor's room. Alastor was left there in his room sitting on the floor, hearing that he had to wait for the response killed him, he wanted to know how he felt now and just be done with this. Never not once has alastor ever felt or expressed so many of his emotions at once, when it came to this thing he never prioritized it.

Now he had to wait for the impact of it all, inside of all the sadness and shame there was a small relief that washed over alastor as the guilt of the lies he kept faded away.alastor took a deep breath, the only thing he could do was wait.

(Alastor's POV)
Never, not once have I ever felt this way. My emotions were always seen as a weakness to me, they weren't something I prioritized because I believed that they were made just to toy with me. I didn't want to deal with them, so I never did but In this moment I did, being with Lucifer makes me feel like I can handle it all. I hated seeing him so hurt, his broken face shattered me completely to the roots of my soul.

I want to hold him close and assure him that I would never let any harm come to him ever,that while I'm here with him I wouldn't let such things happen. I practically hated myself right now, knowing that he was so hurt because of me. I sat up and tried to gather my composure, it wasn't working. I felt so much pain and anxiety from it all, I just want Lucifer to come back and tell me he loves me even if it's the last time he says that.

(Lucifer's POV )
My heart ached at all the things I was told, I went to my room and sat on my bed holding myself as I sobbed.

I can't believe he was using me, he didn't feel anything when we had our morning love. He didn't even see me as someone, I was just a game.

The words that alastor had said to me made me hate the world for how cruel it can be.

When did he change, what made him see me?

I remembered how alastor was so dead inside while telling me all of this, he looked so stressed and ashamed of himself. He cried, he fully sobbed knowing he hurt me. Alastor was not someone so open with emotions, the fact he was open with me in that moment made me smile.
"I love you Lucifer,"
"I am more than sorry"
"You, I can't keep things from you it's wrong.."

Oh alastor, I love you too.