Can you please fix me?

To The Starting Point

A/N
Hi I'm really sorry for taking this long life was crazy the past couple of weeks. I don't like this chapter but I wanted to post something hopefully the next one will be better written and angst free :)

Once the blonde had her nails painted, she could not stop staring at them. She used to see them bear without any colors and Seeing them like this was an odd feeling. A good feeling.

When Amelia joined them, the blonde convinced her to paint her nails as well and they spent the evening watching TV and chatting until they all slept snuggling in the fort.

Maya woke up, she groaned and squinted her eyes when she was met by the bright sunlight sneaking from the gap in the curtain, she glanced at the clock and a disappointed sigh slipped out when she read 6 AM. She hid her face in her wife's shoulder who was peacefully sleeping next to her.

She tried to go back to sleep, but she couldn't. She always had trouble sleeping in, but after she started regression therapy she has been slowly getting better. She would sleep in take naps, even when she was not in her little headspace, but after her stupid decision by shutting down and disassociating herself from anything that brought her comfort. She tried to go back to how things were, but she couldn't, she had been pretending for the past few days that everything was okay but it wasn't. She couldn't go back to how things were no matter how much she tried, she couldn't sleep alone in her nursery, she could not slip past her toddler age and she couldn't nurse no matter if it was from Carina or the bottle as if all their hard work was gone, and they are back at the starting point. She was mad at herself she was disappointed, a part of her couldn't allow herself the comfort after destroying her achievements by being stubborn. But she saw how happy and relieved Carina looked after their sleepover as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders, she forgot that this wasn't just about her, taking care of little Maya was Carina's way of fulfilling her dreams of being a mama, so she has been pretending that everything was okay for Carina's sake.

She let out a sigh and set up accepting that this was going to be the start of her day she glanced at her running shoes in the corner of the room, she had promised Carina to try and figure out a way to let out her feelings before resulting to running but her mind was getting louder and louder and a run always quieted her mind.

After grabbing her running gear she snuck out of the room and chose to change in the nursery to not wake up Carina then she made her way to the door.

She stood outside of the apartment building, enjoying the view of the snow covering the city, and stretching her legs after 5 minutes, she began running, she felt her body relaxing and her mind zoning out, only focusing on the hard pavement beneath her feet, she needed this, she needed her mind to be quiet for a moment, she needed to feel at peace for a little while, but that did not last for long before she felt something pushing her forward, she tried to soften or stop the fall by her hands, but it was too late and she fell on her face.

Groaning in pain she pulled herself to sit and see who pushed her. When she looked Behind her, she saw a man who looked angry and yelling at her, but she could only make out a few words before he got back on his bike and continued his ride.

She sighed dusting herself but her attention was shifted when she felt a warm liquid drop on her arm she looked down confused to see a red drop on her forearm, but her confusion was solved when she raised her fingers to her nose and felt the blood flowing down her chin, she closed her eyes pinched her nose and sat on the cold ground defeated, why does this always happen to her? Why can't she have a moment of peace? If only she listened to Carina this would not have happened. If she listened to anyone but that nagging voice in her head, she wouldn't be in this situation, she would be a lot happier. Why does she always have to screw up everything?