Can you please fix me?

I am strong 

"Ti amo anch'io Bambina"[I love you too Bambina] she replied, leaving over to give her a little kiss "let's go home"

Maya startled awake screaming after enduring another nightmare, after she calm down, she felt something wet clinging onto her thighs, she looked down and saw that she had wet herself, and the realization brought tears to her eyes, she pulled her self up and began to strip the bed.

"Stupid, stupid nightmare, stupid Maya" she muttered sniffling "weak, can't stay big"

It's been close to three weeks since she slipped last in the hospital and when she first remembered what happened that night and how much Carina was worried, she promised herself she wouldn't cause her to worry like that again and be strong and do her hardest to not get injured again.

She has been working herself to the ground, taking extra shift, running, and exercising every free second and distancing herself from Carina just so she wouldn't slip and be a burden to her, but it took a toll on her mentally and physically. She lost a lot of weight and she couldn't focus on anything, but not to slip.

She couldn't deny that she missed her Mama, but Carina has done so much for her, so the least she can do is to stay big and not slip.

After changing into gray sweatpants and a white shirt with long red sleeves, she put her clothes and the sheets in the washing machine and returned laying on the bare bed, she didn't bother with putting new sheets on, she didn't deserve the comfort she wasn't strong enough.

___________________________

Carina stepped into the quiet apartment tired from a long shift sighing, this is what their home has been lately cold, quiet, dark, and no joy or toys scattered everywhere.

She put her keys in the bowl and made her way to their bedroom, she was met by the site of a fragile blonde curled into a ball shaking on the bed and crying quietly.

"Oh Bambina" Carina cooed, rushing to Maya's side.

She noticed early on that Maya was trying to avoid anything that would make her slip, and by doing that, she was slowly returning to the old version of herself.

Even with Maya trying to hide it Carina knew, she knew that Maya was struggling, she tried to help her but each time Maya would dismiss her and change the subject, so she thought of leaving Maya to deal with it by herself because she learned the hard way not to push the blonde, but she didn't expect that Maya wouldn't slip for three weeks.

And it didn't help with her patient that her milk came in few days ago, she started with the medicine as soon as she got them excited to nurse her baby, but what she didn't expect that Maya wouldn't slip for three weeks, and she was afraid if she pumped her milk Maya would slip, and need to nurse.

So she thought the best next thing she would do is try and coax Maya into slipping to her little headspace, urging little Amelia to play with her, leaving her sippy cups and pacifiers on her nightstand, or on the coffee table and leaving her stuffed animals on the bed, but each time she will find them in the nursery, which was packed with unboxed boxes of new furniture and other things for her nursery, that Maya made 1 million excuse just not to open any of it.

"No,no" Maya cried out when Carina tried to pick her up.

"Shhh Piccolina come to Mama" she said setting next to Maya.

"No, a'm strong I-l can be big, I need to be big " she cried, giving in and letting Carina cradle her, and trying not to slip.

"You are strong Bambina" Carina said stroking her hair "but you don't need to be big"